PhunClub News: archive

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Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

06/23/11
Kenny's Got a Brand New Bat:-..tery And not a second to soon. On the 20th, he noticed his sump pump's backup battery had failed. So he picked up and installed a new one.		The next day a major rain & wind storm hit,which blew down one of K&D's trees. The next morning, there power went out. But don't worry cuz... Kenny's got a brand new bat...tery.
06/21/11
Ph & L at 41:- Happy Anniversary. You guys out did Moses. - He spent 40 years wandering about the desert. - You spent 41 years wondering about the dessert.
05/31/11
The Traveling PhunClubers:- Over the Memorial Day weekend; Ph&L were in New York. K&D were in Santa Monica.		Bob was in Warrenville with all his friends... alone.
05/14/11
F&L in F L:- Some pholks go to law school and graduate, and some don't. Michael did. Good going! Phred & Linda phlew to Phlorida phor the JAM (Jack, Ali, Michael) event. A couple pics are here.
05/09/11
Mother's Day for Mae & Many Other Mothers:- Click the pic for the full story.
05/07/11
Da Galewood Guys:- Ken & Bob got wit da uder boys at Sabatinos fer dat Marauder ting. All attendees found the event an enjoyable swaray.
05/05/11
Way Cool:- Look just to the left of the URL bar. There's an itty bitty foto of the PhunClub's Phamous Phounders. You know.... like the one on the right, only reeeeeealy small.
05/02/11
New Holocaust Archive Available:- Includes photos and searchable name database: http://archives.jdc.org/sharedlegacy/
04/30/11
Linda Diverted to Denver:- Then, came back from Colorado.		K&D Left for Saint Louie:- Then, came back from Missouri.
04/20/11
It's LINDA's Birthday!!:- Way to go & lookin' good! But it seems like just a few days ago... like last Sunday, when we celebrated her birthday with a dinner. Time sure does phly. Click the iddybiddy pic to the right for a full size version.
04/18/11
Swingin' with Jack, With an intro by Ali, Michael does his rendition of "the Do Due -Due Do song (lyrics by DuDue) - while jack swings to the music. Click Jack's pic for the vocals (OGG Vorbis format).
04/15/11
It's Bob's B-Day!:- Hooray !!!! Michael Asks:- Where's the balloons for Bob's B-day thingy? Answer:- Over there -> See pics phrum the phestivities
04/13/11
The PhunClub & Hymie Weiss are connected - H.U.H.? Enter the following in Google - "henrotin hospital" chicago - then click "images" and scroll down to near the bottom of the results. In the row above and to the right of a pic of Ken, Carol & Dan, is a pic of Weiss' signature. W.T.F.?		Click pic for a phull size version - Other PC pics there too.
04/07/11
Are You Scam-Ready?:- So this outfit called Epsilon handles some marketing stuff for a bunch of big outfits. As a result, Epsilon has the email addresses and names of a bazzilion people; customers of those outfits that Epsilon services. Well anyway, some hacker broke into Epsilon's system and took all the email addresses and collateral names stored there.		The hacker/s now know which email info / names are related to what firms. A PhunClub member's fraternity brother has already been hit with a scam email, ostensibly from Best Buy, that infected his computer. For a list of the outfits that had their email lists stolen, click here. And be careful about clicking on email links from any of the firms listed.
03/29/11
Hey Parker:- What's in a name? After this weekend we'll all know, and you will too. To all.... Enjoy! And in a Flash:- Parker's picture is promulgated.... Smile!

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

03/25/11

Michael Reports that Jack's on Google:- Thanks for making Jack the top result of a google search. Here’s a picture in celebration!

Unsolicited PhunClub Member Comment:- He looks pretty happy! Did you and Ali just buy him a car?

03/24/11

Palm Springs has Sprung:- Welcome home K & D

03/21/11

Note to Self:- Barack Obama has now fired more cruise missiles than all other Nobel Peace prize winners combined.

03/16/11

Down with Nuclear Energy:- At this time of tragedy in Japan, the PhunClub is considering the use of solar energy. Palm Springs seems to be a likely site to impliment our plan. A scouting party is envisioned.

03/13/11

Knock Knock!:- Who's there? Debbie!. Debbie who? Debbie Schlepedagain.

Fenomenal:- Explaination and insight on how & why the housing market collapsed. Click here - 1-hr program (it's worth it)

03/09/11

Google Stumped:- Sergei Brin, phounder of Google, conceded today that somehow Jack Herbert Rosenberg, celebrating his 1-month birthday, has no hits via a Google Search.

Brin assures the The PhunClub that the phull resources of Google Inc. have now been set in motion to remedy this oversight.

03/06/11

Mr. Schugana Presides:- It was like sticking a knife in my back (pocket). Bob's beloved Raffel knife was indeed lost, but only because it was not found. The knife was evidently transteleported by nutrino glortzian freebertz particalization when Bob first searched the jacket pocket, where it was subsequently discovered during a second search.

Hail Glortz! And thank you Linda. It was your intersession with The Force (aka: the phone company) that brought my knife back into the relativistic universe. I'll stop now.

02/25/11

Concerning Ball Joint Replacement:- Was it because of a tie rod faillure? -or- Did the extendable steering column collapse? -or- Did the sway bar fall off when the idler arm broke? -or- Did Bob eat a granola bar, causing too much gas in the tank?

PhunClub phounders study auto mechanics

02/24/11

OK - It's Come to This:- Bob got a haircut, oil change, ball joint replaced and past his auto-emmissions test.

Debbie Says:- Mazel Tov to Bob on your new ball joints. Here's to smooth times ahead.

02/17/11

Unbelievable:- Click here

Thanks to Jack:- The Phlorida PhunClub membership momentarily migrated. Mazel Tov Michael and Ali

02/11/11

Within a week:- 2 PC Births. To paraphrase a line from Cool Hand Luke: What we ain't got here... is a failure ... to propogate.

02/10/11

The Phlorida Mitzvahmobile
Michael, Ali & Jack meet for the first time

Jack was born at 9:26 EST weighing 6 lbs 14 oz and 21" tall. The parents are "Over The Moon" with joy as are all PhunClub members. In a statement released by Samantha, she said, "I have a new cousin I'm going to visit".

02/04/11

Parker William

WITH GREAT JOY WE WELCOME OUR NEW GRANDSON!

February 4, 2011 8 lbs. 11 oz.

A loving thank you to Jill & Ben and lots of good times to the big brothers Maxwell & Carson
The PhunClub toasts our newest member, Parker

02-02-11

Snow:- 20+ inches last night with a 30 below windchill predicted for tonight.

Cecil P DeKen:- Another documentory featuring our New Year's Eve jokes from 2009. Click here & wait to load.

01/31/11

A pas de Samantha:- Her ballet troop dances an early birthday production

Film at 4:- Or click here to see the video.

01/29/11

Chicago Strongman:- Off to DaCity to see an unusual film about a guy. Here we are; at the movies, and some other guy at the candy counter.

Extensive 24-7 Coverage:- Egyption turmoil on Al Jeazeere Watch live-feed: http://english.aljazeera.net/watch_now/

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

01/25/11

Happy Birthday Ken:- Now you know it's true. Anyone going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac.

01/23/11

Birthday Build Up:- We began Saturday at K&D's, then off to PhunClub East. Party of 7. No, I mean 9. Did I say 9? I meant 11. You didn't hear me right. I said, party of 13. Gibson's was packed, as Ken's Birthday celebrants arrived. They included Ken, Deb, Phred, Linda, Aaron, Candi, Mike, Steph, Jonathan, Pam, Josh, Rachel and Bob. Food & drinks were enjoyed by all. (Yes, Rachel ordered a drink.)

Pics are here

01/21/11

50 Years After Kennedy's Inauguration:- The unretouched, original recording of JFK's speech has been found.

Evidently, JFK delivered it while thinking of Kenny's birthday. You can hear a snippet of that speech by clicking HERE

01/11/11

Where's Waldebarb:- Deb & Barb phlew to Phlorida to see Lisa. Poor Ken is lost. Left alone, he does laundry in the microwave. But he love his phrozen phish sticks

He's even invited the local deer in to chat. But Phred & Linda will rescue him tomorrow, when they take him out for dinner. In the meantime Dave will dephrost next phall.

01/07/11

Linda Reports:- The NYear'pictures are great! Love the picture of the Queen and her son. Thanks to Debbie and Ken for hosting

another great New Year's party. Your reporter from the burbs

Ken Reports:- Great New Years pics. A phun time was had by all

01/01/11

Welcoming 2011:- The PhunClub in Chicago on New Year's Day. You can't Trump that. Aaron & Candi traveled intracity to check on our behavior. We visited a multitude of eateries and the Art Museum to see some FINE ART (a.k.a. FART). It was a dandy day with plently of pics here.

Ken watches as Deb & Phred text photos

12-31-10

Happy New Year - Bye Bye Old Year:- It happened right on schedule. Here beeda pix

12-30-10

Phred Asks:- Upon news of the last Kodachrome lab's closing;
"Where's Paul Simon?"
Bob thinks he's at Scarborough Fair with Mrs. Robinson.

Phred Asks:- In Rome, do golfers when ready to hit the ball, call out "IV"?

The Day After Tomorrow:- Is the year after today.

Today, Six Years Ago:- Bob left for Saugatuck with Gail & Cousin Barb. Other PC members prepared for their trip to South Aftrica.

12-28-10

Plash Phrom Linda:- It was very nice to ride with Bob and Debbie today.

Michael reports:- Ripleyberg's Believe it or Not:- Phrost in Phlorida

Michael's car rear window with white 'stuff' on it.

12-26-10

The Lowdown from Linda:- Sunday's news: after great weekend there is no news to report.

Yesterday's Vote on True Grit:- 100% Yes! No no's is news. No?

OK, Now What?:- Re: my mother's repeating dream, presaging her death, 15 years ago today. A yahrzeit candle was burning in my kitchen as I worked, while listening to a YouTube video about 'hidden dimensions'. I heard glass break in the kitchen, went to investigate and found the glass containing the candle cracked.

12-25-10

Phestivus Phor the Rest of Us:- So, the rest of us had Phestivus. See the Photosovus

Phinal Cut:- The PhunClub Peloponnese Movie. Here be da link! Where be da popcorn?

12/23/10

Banal News:- For those in need of "every day" news: D&L went to

$s for a latte menigitis clota schmata. and called Bob two times. Bob's going North on Xmas (Christmas) without any Christanax (Xanax). It''ll be Phestivus for the rest of us.

Linda, Reporting from the Car:- New news is no news, nu?
Debbie, Reporting from the Car:- No news is good news.
Linda, Reporting from an iPhone:- I checked the phunclub page tonight

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

12/20/10

The PhunClub Peloponnese Movie Trailer:- Is here. Produced & directed by Ken. Watch it with anticipation, or with an internet browser.
Click here for a taste of the coming attaction.

12/19/10

Maxwell and Carson:- Wish you the happiest of holidays.

Phredmas Phestivities:- Attendees were Ph,L,K,D,A,C,B. Non-attendees were J,P, and the stomach flu (we hope Pam, Zack & Sammi are feeling better). A great dinner with great people.
A few more pics are here.

12/13/10

Happy Phredmas:- Birthdays are like boogers, the more you have the harder it is to breathe.

12/12/10

PhunClub Expiditions:- Phred & Linda sojourned to Phlorida to see Michael & Ali. Phlamingo liked them being there so much, that the pooch cast a weather hex which stranded them at the airport. Too bad for Ph & L, that they can't enjoy the freezing temps and high winds back here in Chgo.

Ken & Deb schleped to the Elyssian Hotel for a Chanukah weekend. They saw the Gold Exhibit at the Field Museum (Ms. Meir wasn't there). Then off to the Art Institute, Where Kenny had a fitting for his new suit. He'll decide which one to buy tomorrow knight. Then of course, there were the stares. Pics here

12/05/10

Ph & L's Hanukkah Party:-
It was big.
It was phun.
So many kids were there that the average age of attendees was 17.
Here's some pics

11/27/10

One's Perception is one's Reality:- Ya gotta see this. Click here

11/25/10

Happy ThanksGiving:- And to give all Phunclub members something extra to be thankfull for, we now have our own PhaceBook website. Click here

11/20/10

Ben's B-Day:- Ben & family came home to celebrate. The group included Pam, Jonathan, Samantha, Zachary, Jill, Maxwell, Carson, May, Phred, Linda, Ken, Deb and the late Bob. While Ben's telescopephilia continues to rage, the cure is at Celestron.com.

A few more pics are here

11/15/10

Hmmmm.... It may be a good idea for Debbi to click here and enter your last name, then "Deb" and "Deerfield" in the boxes. Linda, you should to try it too, with your maiden name, then, "Vera" and "Chicago". And Phred, why not enter your last name, then "Frieda" and "Highland Park".

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

10/25/10

Vacationing in Greece & Istanbul:- They're baaaack...! Safe and sound - And they've got the pictures (and movie) to prove it. Start clicking:

Here Lift-off Here Peloponnese Here Here Here
Here Santorini Sailing: The movie Here End of trip Welcome home!

10/16/10

Vidiocation:- Vacation videos are being received at a PhunClub outpost in the US. The first, titled "Grease", is at a computer near you.

10/14/10

The Drillers return:- After thousands of miles and weeks of touring torment, Linda & Debbie relented.
They've decided to come back to the U.S.A. - U.S.A. - U.S.A.

10/08/10

The PhunClub's Partial Return:- Phred, Ken & Dave are offically separated phrom their wives. When they got to Rome, our Boyz jumped on a plane and phlew home, leaving 'The Girlz" in the learch (whatever a 'learch' is).

The Girlz phound themselves in such emotional distress that they'll have to soothe their sadness by shopping. Reporter Ken says the trip was great. Pics and video to follow shortly.

10/06/10

If Turkey had a German city:- We'd have a Turkey burger.

Archeologists Unearth Astounding Letter:- Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns.

09/29/10

Ya Want Some Greece with that Malted Milk?:- What does the original Olympic Village, the Parthenon, Agamemnon's golden mask and Ozzie Osbourne have in common? Sliding through Greece, The Picture

09/28/10

Χρόνια πολλά σε εσάς.
Χρόνια πολλά σε εσάς.

Χρόνια αγαπητέ Debbie γενέθλια.
Χρόνια πολλά σε εσάς. To the tune of

09/24/10

Knock Knock:- Knock Knock... Knock Knock... Knock Knock... knock knock...

09/06/10

The Union of Candi & Aaron:- Chicago Local 720 announce that union members will take an extended vacation.   Their wedding and collateral events were so phenomenal that the day after the festivities concluded, Chicago's Mayor Daley told reporters he was leaving office, as this was the high point in the city's history.

But seriously folks, everything was great; the hosts, locations, music, people, dancing (including the Cape Town version of the Bristol Stomp), food ... everything.

Click here for some pics

Who's next?

09/01/10

Linda Reports:- OOOOO The wedding is getting close !!!!!!

08/14/10

Aaron Brings the Ouph Rooph Down:- It was a quiet Saturday morning when the PhunClub decided to attend shabat services. And who should be there??? About 40 Levy / Crane phamily members and some guy with a hat and beard. Da guys sat and read,

while da Driller Sisters were doin stuff wit uder girlz in anuder part of da room. Then people began throwing stuff at Aaron. This writer wanted to protect him, but when I discovered it was candy (of the inanimate kind) I hid it in my stomach.

07/29/10

A Boy-Meets-Girl Saga:- Diego gets dissed by some floosey. Click here to see the smack-down. He'd better upgrade his wheels.

07/25/10

Ph & L Are Looking To Buy Some Cubits:- Due to a recent basement 'dampening', they've been reading the instructions on how to build an Ark (the handy pamphlet in Genesis 6:15). They went to a Home Depot and Bass Pro Shop with credit card in-hand, but were unable to buy, let alone find the required cubits (300 cubits, buy 50 cubits, buy 30 cubits).

In The Meantime:- Here's a picture of Michael & Ali's live-in buddy; Phlamingo (a.k.a. Smiley).

07/16/10

Beethoven Ravin Ya?:- Yeah; datz rite! We sat there while he auditioned for the Phunclub. He was sweatin' it, but we were cool. Click on the far-right pic to watch Phred become Ravinia's ChairMan of the Bored.


Then, After The Audition:- We joined the Do-Nothing Congress.

Click the Pic

07/14/10

Now, This is Wierd:- And if it's true; somewhat apocolyptic. Click Here Thanks corporate America - keep pushing deregulation.

07/10/10

Ph,L,K & D Visit Inspect PC Western HQ:- We chated, we ate (at "The Country Club" - without green pants or white shoes) and returned to Bob's so Ken could discover the dead golem in the bathroom.

07/04/10

In Celebration of the 4th:- Ph & L BBQ attendees included Hadley, Nancy, Jonathan, Pam, Zack, Sami, Ken, Deb, Josh, Micah, Aaron, Candi & Bob.

After the annual "Throw Micah in with the Pool Water" ceremony, K&D announced that Jill & Ben are pregnant. Can't get better than that! Happy life to all.

07/03/10

PH,L,K,D Get Their Free Fireworks On:- While visiting Robby & Sweda, the neighbor pyromaniac celebrated pre-Independance

day with a major display of unlicensed ariel explosives. The evening progressed without one house in flames

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06/29/10

A Limerick from Linda:
We know we're late to invite
But we thought you might want a bite
Join us on Moraine
Sunshine or rain
And we'll party as long as you like.
-------------------------------------------
Bob's response to Linda:
Holy smokes. I'll join you folks.

Ken's response to Linda:
In my lot my money's a breeze.
Since 5's and 10's grow on trees.
So when the wind blows
My finances grows.
So we'll be there with food if you please.
-------------------------------------------
Linda response to Ken:
Forget the food.....bring money!

Ken's further response to Linda:
If 5's and 10's grew on trees,
the money, I'd bring in a breeze.
But since they do not.
I'm in a tight spot.
For all I can print are threes

06/25/10

Moody? Got the Blues?:- On their way back from a dandy time at Ravinia, the PC members tuned to FM Bob (he missed the concert).

For those unfamiliar with the Moody Blues click here and imagine its 1970.

06/21/10

Happy 40th Wedding Anniversary Ph & L:- The sun will stay on a bit longer today, to celebrate the occasion.

05/31/10

Memorial Day Weekend:- K & D do it right. - And let's do Galewood while we're at it.. Here's the pics.

05/18/10

Want to Waste Time AND Go Blind?:- http://www.msf-usa.org/motion.html

The HP Ferris Bueller House:- 370 Beech still for sale. $1.8 million

05/16/10

Ken & Phred wipe out LV:- Together, they won $.00025 Million.

K&Ph will now teach Zack & Carson math, by card counting.

05/14/10

The "Boyz" are in Las Vegas:- We don't expect much news while they study Talmud in the desert.

05/13/10

The Drillers aren't Coming:- The Drillers aren't coming ... because F&L's sump pump didn't pump da sump. The result: water in their basement.
What we got here, is a failure to evacuate.

Michael's Dong Demand:- "I would like it in Vietnamese Dong please. $1 USD=$18,773.90 Dong http://www.oanda.com/currency/converter "
The reciprocal is 5,000 Dong = 26.003¢ Soooo.... here's 20,000 damn dongs, with an extra 4.012¢ to boot. Keep the change (we can believe in).

05/12/10

Mae's May Mother's Day:-

Judges Have Ruled:- Of the one entry to the PhunClub-wide "Name That Error" contest, Michael sent the following correctish response. - I’d like to answer the question. The error is in the “its” impossible. It should be “it’s” impossible Jp - Congratulations Michael ! The Czech's in the mail & I don't know how he got there.

10 Attributes of Really Lazy People:-
1. Inability to put forth the effort required to complete any task.

The Drillers are Coming:- The Drillers are coming ... to Boboe to morrow to shop, oh.

The proud owner of a fat lip.	Monsters in the attic
Big Foot & Little Micah

05/10/10

Find the error, its impossible

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

A $1 award will go to the 1st person who solves this.

05/05/10

A Battle Ends:- As you may recall, Bob & Lana (she lives on Hill Ave.) skirmished some 2-months ago. Well, things are now patched up.

The resulting BobLana treaty can be viewed at the Who He Hill Historical museum.

05/04/10

May the Fourth be with you.

Bobah's Got New Shoes:- He's 'committed'. The shoes picked out by the Drillers for Bobah's B-day are now being worn. Thanks everyone.

04/26/10

Happy Anniversary:- Ben & Jill ! Lucky Seven

News Phlash:- During their trial, two Somali pirates claimed to be part of Goldman Sacks, and thus, unregulated.

04/25/10

K&D Return to RW from B,J,M&C's in SL:- Maxwell's dandy birthday party was supplimented with another chat with The Spaceman.

Mr. Spaceman says,
"Happy Birthday Maxwell.

Brotherly Love:

Maxwell & Carson

04/22/10

Found! Bob on TV:- Waaaay back, in July 1991 Bob was in Washington DC to testify before a U.S. Senate subcommittee, concerning the evils of telemarketing. His testimony can be watched by clicking here. The video link is in the upper right corner. Bob's rant begins at 36 minutes and ends at about 1 hour 23 minutes into the hearing.

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

04/20/10

Happy B-Day to Linda!:- Yep, she reached the ripe age of kjdty. A dinner was held, in Linda's honor, at Morton's where Jonathan, Pam, Ken, Deb, Bob, Phred & (yes indeed) Linda celebrated. A dandy time was had by all as we toasted the event and made sure the food was of the highest quality. Of interest, our waitress had an uncanny resemblance to a stereotypical 3rd grade teacher.

04/15/10

Happy Birthday Bobby Boy-: If I must say so myself.

Travel Updates:- Rick & Leslie are in Chicago. Deb's in NY. Bob's in Continent

Gold Meltdown:- Ya gotta read this. Here's the link

Bobby's B-Day Dinner:- Very nice! At Arrowhead CC w/Ken, Lana & Debbie. Good weather, friends & time. Thanks Ken!

04/12/10

Menachem Begin Got it Right:- When goyim kill goyim.... Ya gotta read it for yourself here.

04/10/10

Mae's Day:-
Let the mitzvah's flow.
The occassion: Mae's 90th birthday celebration A geat evening with great people.

Mae, We Luv Ya.
More pix here

04/05/10

Ken's Diagnosis:- After consulting with Dr. Bob, M.E., it has been found that Kenny's symptoms (stuffy nose and general malaise) point to a mild case of heebis geebus. Get well Ken!.

Heard at Ph&L's:- Goodnight RaeRae. Goodnight Sammi, Goodnight Papa. Goodnight Pam. Goodnight Zachary. Goodnight Jonathan. Goodnight Phred. Goodnight Linda. Goodnight Mom. Goodnight Dad. Goodnight Already!

Puzzle Day:- Q: What 9 letter word can have 8 letters removed, one at a time, and remain a word? A: Startling! (Remove: L=starting, T=staring, A=string, R=sting, T=sing, G=sin, S=in, N=I)

Deb's Work is Progressing:- Giddle measures! Here
Less tingle. More jingle.

Personal Admission: Bob's been chronologically inept since 2057.

03/30/10

Pesach & a sheyn ponem:- Who's askin the questions around here? Oh! It's Sammi. She's got four questions. Those kids: always asking... Passover at Ph & L's with Robin, David, Jonathan, Pam, Sammi, Zackary & Bob.
Click the pic for the full scene.

03/27/10

Friday:- Dinner at 8. Don't be late. Linda's in Cali; Separ ate.
The Lone Phreder, Ken, Deb & Bob dined at The Players Grill. (Yeah. Dats rite. We're players!) Then, Bob snoozed at K&D's.

Saturday:- Matisse was a-tootin at Chicago's Art Muesutin. Then, off to Gibson's. Then, plautzin & K&D's with subtitles.

Deb's Work-In-Progress:- Giddle rules! Here

03/18/10

RAMBAN NEWS FLASH ~ ~ Yesterday's St. Patrick Celebration:- Zachary enjoyed his first portion of green peas in honor of the Irish. He enjoyed the meal to such an extent, that when he spit-up, he helped Phred participate in the Wearin' of the Green!

03/17/10

K&D in PS:- Tennis anyone? Well, yes - for Debbie. The Mission Hills matches included scores of 6-3, 5-4 & quarter to 3. World Tennis Champions are seeded for love (whatever that means).

Kenny schleped out to join Deb in a doubles (room). The hotel manager was called due to the racket. Notice: Bob has now run out of tennis puns.

03/13/10

Phun-in-Laws:- Pheasted at WildPhire with the Phunclub. Steph, Hadley, Debbie, Edna, Phred, Mike, Ken & Linda made it to the phooditorium phor ... ya know... phood.

03/04/10

Camera Crazy:- Well, it looks like our friends by the river would[s] have us see the light (or photons, in this case). Grand Master Ken's new gangsta hoody persona shazzizzeled on the mean urban streets of his den. While Debbie, as her new 'self' (after emerging from her metamorphomachine) rocks out with Nadal. We hope GMK doesn't clue. And as for our hero, Bob... we can watch him do his Disneycousteau thing, here. B.T.W. Did Ph&L get swept away by Hawaii's recent and treacherous tsunapuddle wave?

03/01/10

Rapsody in St. Louis:- They shopped, cooked, bathed, groomed, slept, played, climbed and looked for their receipt.

K&D have returned from their visit with Ben, Jill, Maxwell & Carson. And, they've got the video to prove it.

02/28/10

Ph&L Survived the Great Hawaiian Tsunami of 2010:- That is all.

02/27/10

New PhunClub Pheature:- We have another way to keep in touch. See the Email link in this page's upper-left. It will send email to K&D, Ph&L and BB. If other PC members want to be on the list, clue the editor.

Is 2010 Gonna be EARTHQUAKE Year?:- Haiti, Chicago & Chile; where next? With Ph&L in Hawaii & a tsunami on it's way, Ph&L better not play beach volley ball.

Report From the Scene:- Lana's daughter, Lisa, lives in Santiago. She used her cell phone to call Bob at 1:30 AM to find out what our news is reporting about the quake. The first 'quake news' appeared about 10 minutes into our chat. Living on an upper floor of a high-rise, she lost power, some glassware, a TV and other minor personal property. The sounds of helicopters and emergency vehicle sirens filled the air.

02/26/10

What do Missouri & Hawaii have that Illinois doesn't Have?:- One guess ... That's right! The Schlepingtons.

K&D are visiting with BJM&C while PH&L are being hosted by King Komoniwana Layah.

02/23/10

20 Minutes of Smiles:- Kenny's done it again. Act 1 of Montana '96 has premiered at a monitor near you. Click here and settle in..

Samantha's 3rd Birthday Party:- With an all-star cast. Pix here.

02/18/10

Texas IRS Building / Plane Crash:- After reading his first of 6-pages, the guy didn't write like a lunitic; which belies his behavior.

02/12/10

The Marauders Meet:- Yeah, we're bad guys. No one barfed after having a drink, and we got some hub caps to boot. Pix are here

02/10/10

W.T.F ! :- Dateline Warrenville 4:02 AM 4.3 magnitude

EARTHQUAKE !

Ya Know?:- Ya never know!

02/07/10

Opinion / Commentary:- Phrom Phred

THE PROBLEM:

Monday Feb 8, the Chicago Tribune will be shrinking the size of the newspaper another 1 inch.
Newspapers are having a difficult time finding a business model to compete with our increasingly interconnected & electronic environment.

THE RAMBAM SOLUTION:

Shrink the size of the paper down further and have your newspaper printed and delivered daily on a toilet paper roll!

     Sales would increase as working people would all carry their own paper with them to work.
     Families might divide up the paper in the morning. The kids would want the comic section, the dad the sports, Who knows, newspaper sales might increase as some families may want more than one roll per day.
     Plus tree huggers would love it as landfills wouldn't be filled up with old newspapers.

Name That Newspaper:- Bob suggests ... The Inuendo.

02/03/10

01/30/10

Hi Level PC Meeting at Bob's:- The Northern Contigency arrived at the Western Wonder Palace for phood at Hugo's and hopes of doing something different. But Noooo.... Bob failed to didn't plan anything. More pix here.

01/29/10

Phriday Philm:- We saw Crazy Hearts. We now know about the life of country singers. They drink, roll their pickups, lose children and give money away. Good movie. When Bob arrived at Ken's

he was reading a story to Maxwell & Carson on Skype. Then, Ph & L brought Ken's 2nd round B-day gift. After which, we solved the world's problems at Wildfire and went Crazy.

01/28/10

PhunClub Phounders go to dinner:-
In 2000 we went to Glortzo's Restaurant cuz the food's good.
In 2010 we'll go to Glortzo's cuz we can eat in peace and quiet.
In 2020 we'll go to Glortzo's cuz it has free parking.
In 2030 we'll go to Glortzo's cuz we've never been there.

A Joke:- Hey guys, how do you make a gorgeous woman appear?

(Left click & sweep your cursor across the green box.)

Fart in an elevator.

01/25/10

Happy B-Day Kenny!:- You're approaching 'middle age', from the right direction. What happened today in history? In 1942 Thailand declared war on the U S. Other birthdays- 1874: Somerset Maugham, 1927: Antonio Carlos Jobim. Other events- 1949 1st Israeli election, 1961: JFK held the 1st presidential news conference, live on TV. Your horoscope: Your belief that the pen is mightier than the sword will be put to the test this week when you sign up for a fencing/calligraphy class

And many more!

01/23/10

Kenny is about to be ... Oy!:- The Honoree was accompanied by his wife Debbie, Phred, Linda, Bob, Aaron, Candi, Josh and Rachel. The evening began at Aaorn & Candie's, where we had delicious custom brain freezes, after the Driller Sisters 'lobbied' against an unwanted visitor.

Then, it was off to the main event. The place: Kinzie Chophouse. The time: To eat! The food, the meat the talk, the phun, and a vision of Bob licking the dessert trays. Though no one brought a camera, all had a great time. Happy Pre-Birthday Ken!

01/17/10

Progress in Advertising:- Get this! In 1931 Prudential Insurance had the following slogan: "The misery of an old man is of interest to nobody."

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

01/12/10
Aaron & Candi Play Dodgequake:- Hispaniola suffered a major earthquake a day after our PhunClub engagees left the island. Though they were 'next door' in the Dominican Republic, it was tooooo close.	The Return of Ph & L:- Aside from an occasional frozen iguana dropping from a tree on to their heads, the intrepid travelers report a nice visit with Ali and Michael.
01/07/10
Linda & Phred Phlee to Phlorida:- At the year's phirst phrozen phlake the Rambam & Romette phlew away to hang with Michael & Ali.
01/01/10
Happy New Year:- May it be the best EVER!	Party Animals Gather at K&D's and F&L's:- Pics here The editor awaits additional pix & video.

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

12/31/09

H.N.Y. / H.N.D.:- As the new year and new decade approach, the PhunClub wishes all our members, affiliates & wanna-bees a Great New Yearcade.

12/13/09

The Latke Lowdown:- Carrying over from the prior night, the question of fried Hanukkah foods was researched. A report from the net is here. (Note Rambam connection.)

K&D's Chanukah Party:- While Rachel, with Micah's help, casually reeled off the tribes of Israel other party goers ate & chatted. Candi explained why the Jews are small in number but critical to society; as told to Abraham. Pretty interesting stuff. More pix are here

12/12/09

The Rambam's Birthday Banquet:- First the meeting of the acolytes at Phred & Linda's, and the ceremonial 'Opening of the Gift' and resolving the world's problems. Then, it was off to Morton's

Though Morton's initially treated us like White House gate-crashers, we did get seated - sometime in 2008. Much food was consumed when suddenly, the topic turned to Hanukkah & fried food. Friday, Kenny heard some schmoe on the radio taking about potato latkes & other foods consumed during the holiday. The radio guy had said Hanukkah foods were commonly fried to symbolize the Festival of Light. We all 'harumphed the preposterous idea.

More of the evening's pics are here

12/11/09

Phred's B-Day! The Moment Approaches:- The RamBam ain't getting any younger (at least in this universe) while his followers seek knowledge about the happenings in the life of their leader. More to report ... tomorrow.

12/05/09

Oh My God!:- Talk about kitchens... Mike & Peggy had the PhunClub Phounders over. Phirst, we phound phavor with their New Kitchen. It's really nice. Then we had dinner in Oak Park at Rebozo's. Whoa! Major tasty.

12/02/09

Prepare to be amazed:- 3.14 backwards = PIE

12/01/09

This Day in History:- 1955: Rosa Parks stays seated Our Lady of Angels fire Birthdays: Bette Midler 64, Woody Allen 74

11/25/09

Zach's Brit Milah:- The video! Months in production. Hours in editing. A lifetime of experiences to come.

11/18/09

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
and Welcome

Zachary Isaac:
8lbs & 20.75" tall.

	Mitzvah- mobile, you rock!
More pics & videos here

11/10/09

This Just In:- Sicily: The Movie. The PhunClub's autumn visit to the haunts of Thucydides, Hippocrates, Somydes & Somadose.

11/05/09

Pity Party:- Bob woke up at 3:30 AM; with a stuffed nosal area. So he takes his temperature - it was 102.5. Boo... Flu...

Pam Watch:- Nu...s?

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

10/31/09

Halloween
Grand Kids:-

Carson & Maxwell

Diego

Samantha

10/29/09

Nice Knockers! (Story below)
Egghead Looses Phone:- Things went off-the-hook today when Debbie forgot her cell phone at home when she left to do errands. Perhaps it was due to her self-inflicted headial contusion. When she got home, she emailed Ph&L and Bob to say her land-lines and newly found cell phone didn't work. Of course, the first thing Mr. Conspiracy thought - it was a dead ringer for a 'Dial M for Murder' plot.	Phred and Bob helped Deb through the bureaucratic labyrinthine to get her cell turned on. (When all else fails, Skype!) As for the land-lines, they now work. As for the extra noggin on Debbie's forehead ... she'll put eyeliner on it and be a tryclops for Holloween. Other News:- K&D canceled their St. Louie trip due to Ken's upcoming cold.

10/25/09

Ken & Deb Celebrate 37 Years at the Belden Stratford:-
Assembled PhunClub royalty join in the honoring the anniversarients.

More pics here!

10/22/09

Happy Anniversary!:- After 37 years, Ken & Deb are still #1. Time sneaks up on us like a windshield on a bug.

10/17/09

He's Sick of It:- Some get the logs. Some get the chimney. Some get the flu. Get well Aaron!

10/14/09

We're Baaack!:- The boys have returned after their seaside seeing of Sicily. But wait! Where are the ladies? Oh well. Let's hope they can find their way home.

Pictures of the sojourn are here.

Side-note:- While in Sicily, the PhunClub made a few bucks on the side by helping residents replace fuses in their circuit boxes (locally known as 'oafer boxes'). They were doing well until they found an oafer they couldn't refuse.

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

10/10/09

Get Ready:- Couriers will soon arrive with photographs of people in The Old Country. We wonder ... who will be pictured.

9/30/09

Huh? What? Where Are They? Noooo... Not Again!:- If they wanted to see silly, they could have schleped over to Bob's. But reports are; the Driller Sisters wanted to do some Roman around.

9/27/09

Happy Pre-Birthday Debbie:- Last night, Ken carried off a sorta-surprise party to celebrate Deb's B-Day. It was great. Ben & Jill came in along with about 20 other folks who 'happened' to stop in. Bob left his camera at home (dumby) so, if any guests have pics, please send them. A great time was had by all.

At the pre-birthday party pre-party F&L gave Deb 60 very shiney pennys in a shiney box. Deb's mission is to toss the pennies (one at a time) each time she visits Rome's Trevi Fountain. Bob brought a Martian for Deb's washing machine.

09/14/09

Carson's 1st Birthday/Party:- Weeks in production (Carson was born 8/31/08) , the video is at a monitor near you. Click Here

9/06/09

1-Year Pre-Anniversary Engagement Party:- Ya gotcha tent, ya gothca food, ya gotcha storyteller, ya gotcha smoothies and... your family and friends. Celebrants gathered in K&D's newly tented front yard, who feasted and fested the upcoming marraige of Aaron & Candi. Click for pix

8/28/09

The Phunclub at Woodstock:- With water and provisions packed in the trunk, the PhunClub sojurned to Warrenville. The movie got one "Good" and four "Ehhh" ratings.

8/23/09

Bob Breaks Out:- After showing another house that won't sell, Bob was on his way home when he says to himself, "Self, get the hell out of this rut and go north!" The result: Fooood and District 9; which the Phunclub enjoyed. (Bob slept through it.)

8/22/09

Full House:- Mike & Steph had great Shabat dinner with fooood, food. Bob ate like he hadn't a meal in a week. Then, it was off to the family room where for conversation.

Topics included: Scotland freeing a mass murderer because he wasn't feeling well, Opertion Northwoods, Joe McCarthy, District 9 and other recipies. Great food, great people, great evening.

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

8/19/09

Goi'n Home:- Here's a link to Ken's video of the mass reimmigration of Hadley, Edna, family & friends to Johannesburg S.A.

8/08/09

This: Day - Sotomayor supremed / Month - Squeaky sprung / Summer - Sicily sojourne.

Deb & Ken are in St. Louis:- Visiting 'the kids'
Phred & Lynda are in Denver:- Visiting the family.

7/30/09

Everybody, In the Pool ! :- If you can stand any more of my home movies, here is a 5 minute clip from Rancho Mirage... IN THE POOL

Click pic to see vid ==>

7/28/09

July 4th 2009 Weekend: - Proof that history lives only in the future. A rowdy crowdy assembled at F&L's to celebrate The Fourth (+1 fifth). Hadley, Edna, Josh, Rachel, Micah, Jonathan, Pam, Sammi, Ken, Deb, Aaron, Candi and Bob attended the festivities: hosted (of course) by Phred & Linda. More pix are here.

7/26/09

The PhunClub is on PhaceBook:- That's right ladies and gentlemen, We now have a means of submitting stories, comments, pix and vids

to the PhunClub website. It's as easy as 1 to the power of 3. Just go to PhaceBook and search for "PhunClub".

7/17/09

Basaball Bin Barry Barry Good to Me:- Just 2 weeks after taking his 1st swings in Schaumburg Phlyers stadium.

Phred (playing as Shraga Pheivel) gets a call to come to Wrigley Phield.

Glee errupts as Ken hits it out of the parque.

See the video here.

7/03/09

Ferris Buehler - 2009:- Yeah, we pulled some strings, called in some chips, exercised some 'influence' that resulted in some fireworks, but we did it. We got into Schaumburg's venerated, and eponymously named baseball stadium to watch the Kansas City T-Bones skewer the home-team Flyer's. Upon our arrival, Phred & Ken taught a pro baseball pitcher about power-hitting.

Phred hopes to tag one out of the batter's box. More pix of the slugger here

6/30/09

Go Back - Go Baaaack:- Here's some pix for those who survived June.

6/28/09

Three's a Shrowd:- When will June endings end? Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson all gone, senzinentae, kaput. And now there are reports that Walter Cronkite is gravely ill.

Hey, Mr. Mel Kamoves:- Knock it off. We like the 70's & 80's. If ya gotta take someone, take that screaming Billy Mays (the Oxyclean TV pitchman guy). Oh... you just did. Nevermind!

6/26/09

Bob found Guilty:- The two doom-o-matic pictures that Bob thought to be genuine, of the French plane crash over the Atlantic... are bogus.

At this point, the PhunClub seeks Bob's mea culpa. Well, I got ya mea culpa right here.

6/24/09

Blagojevich Breaths Sigh of Relief:- Patrick Fitzgerald has turned his attention to another criminal conspiracy.

Click here and enter the PhunClub editor's last name as the search term. The Corleone family is next.

6/21/09

Good Going Ph & L:- And Hap Pea An Iver Sary - From all 2 U

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

6/18/09

Don't click here:- to see pictures NOT taken inside the Air Bus' cabin as it broke up over the Atlantic.

6/16/09

What The Net Needs:- A new, kosher search engine is here.
Swiming Sammi:- Starts her lessons; with our SEAL of approval.
F&L; Back from City:- A wedding with more than a Flicker of hope.

Bob; Back from SFCA:- And he brought his heart back too.
K&D; Back from Visiting St. Paul:- The weekend wedding was great and St.Paul looked studly in his tux. Barb & Dave looked dandy too.

6/07/09

Bob's Going to California:- He wants to schlep like other PhunClubers.

Leslie is in town:- For a class reunion.

6/04/09

Eleven months until National Star Wars day:- May the 4th be with you

Debbie; Our Foreign Correspondent to the French Open (in the 1st person):- OK so the people I wanted to win didn't.

So now we have to watch the ugly one play again. At least she is playing someone pretty. On the other side of the draw, give Dinara Safina a babushka and she makes a perfect Russian. She plays Doninika Cibulkova who I know absolutely nothing about. Who cares anyway.

6/03/09

Debbie; Our Foreign Correspondent to the French Open (in the 1st person):- Tomorrow, there's a big match at the French Open. Roger Federer is playing Gael Monfilis. It should be a very exciting match. Monfilis (pronounced Mauphee) plays like a wild man and is very phun to watch. And, I highly recommend everyone to watch the match. Anyone who misses it is uncool. So, if you want to be cool like me, watch the match.

Also, playing at the same time, are the two best looking guys left in the tournment. If you want to watch beautiful people playing tennis, watch Juan Martin Del Potro vs Tommy Robredo. Very HOT! A very hot match to watch. If you want to watch the ugliest person on the tour, watch Svetlana Kuznetsova. She is playing against the American Serena Williams. Serena is sweet and Svetlana is ugly. Should make for an interesting match up.

6/01/09

Phlorida Phinish:- Phinally, phred and linda are home phor a while.

5/31/09

Nicholas Winton:- Turns 100 today.

Bob Walks into a Sports Bar:- sits next to a blonde and stares at the TV.

The 10 pm news is covering a man on top of the Sears Tower, ready to jump. The blonde says to Bob, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob says, "I bet he will."   She says, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob puts a $20 on the bar and says, "You're on!" As the blonde put her money down, the guy does a swan dive. The blonde's upset, but hands the $20 over, saying, "Here's your money." Bob says, "I can't take your money. I saw this on the 5 pm news. I knew he'd jump."

The blonde says, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."

5/29/09

Phun:- Phred and Linda are phlying to Phlorida to see Phlamingo and her phamily (Michael and Ali).

5/28/09

Tennis Section Added to The PhunClub News:- After years of just occassionally reading The News, Debbie has now become an avid fan. If heaven is where she can watch her favorite Dirty Dancing scene as well as a good tennis match, Debbie's got it... right here.

5/26/09

PhunClub Members Phly to Filadelfia:- Linda and Phred phlew to the city of Brotherly Love, the home of the Phounding Phathers, to attend the wedding of the son of Linda's college roomate. Phabulous wedding, phine weather.

The Phunclub phounding members were the winners of the "longest married" contest!! They also had time to visit Valley Phorge, the Phranklin Institute (saw Gallileo's telescope), and managed to go antiquing in the phoothills of the Applachians.

5/24/09

Ben, Jill, Maxwell & Carson visit the progenitors:- More pictures of the guests at K&D's welcoming event are here.

5/23/09

Today in History:-
1430 Joan of Arc captured
1934 Bonnie & Clyde are killed
1937 John D. Rockefeller dies (and took it with him)
1945 Heinrich Himmler commits sucide (should've practiced earlier)

1960 Israel announces capture of Adolf Eichman

1979 Pam is born

2009 Phred & Linda are sclepping again; this time to PA
2009 Ben, Jill, Maxwell & Carson are at Ken & Deb's
2009 Bob arrives in the future.

5/21/09

Pigs Fly:- Bob got a call this morning from Chucky (of VA Hospital elevator & Jonathan fame). Ostensibly, he called cuz the mini-series about Bob's cousin was on TV. But, what he otherwise said was telling. Chuck stopped smoking, is on oxygen and loosing weight.

He didn't want to talk more about his condition other than to say, "We'll see what happens”. Oy!

Our Government... Love it or Change it:- They won't stop 30% interest rates, but at least we'll have loaded guns in our National Parks.

5/20/09

News from Lisa:- I think I have my skype working again. Exciting !

5/17/09

Estrifest in Des Moines:- The bride, Jessica, was young and sweet. Aunt Doris (Barb's mom) told great stories about the famiy's past and secrets / faribles. Many of the ladies slept on cots and blow-up mattresses in the basement - kinda like the army. A fine time was had by all. A pictorial memorialization of the occassion (sans Jessica) is here yor enjoyment.

Barb Reports:- We did have a great weekend, just want to thank the husbands for allowing the girls to come. We all behaved ourselves and enjoyed eating our way through the weekend.

Testifest in Warrenville:- While away, the men of the species ate meat and saw Star Drek. Be well and prosper.

5/14/09

The Drillers Phlee:- Again with the Schleping? Weekend after weekend. Enough already. Stay home and take care of your lonely husbands.

Now they're talking about going to a sports bar. Bob will try and convince them to show up at the Irish pub he usually visits: Jerry McAtric's.

5/07/09

Here's the News:- Ken's sister Carol is now on Skype. Debbie and Linda are still in Arizona. Phred & Ken dined at the Pine Yard, while the Driller Sisters were away. Lana's daughter Rachel is in from Paris - we're having breakfast Saturday morning.

Here's the Blues:- Anndra was at Bob's, Monday night. In her effort to make fresh pea soup (from real peas) she put peas & chicken broth in Bob's blender. When she turned it on, the concoction erupted, plastering itself all over the kitchen. It could be said that she peaed my pants.

4-28-09

Mensa Test Answer Keys:-
1) Consonents=5 Vowels=1 thus: caramel 4x+3y=23, lollipop 5x+3y=28, spice drop 6x+3y=33, chocolate bar 7x+4y=39
4) Each letter = it's number equivalent thus: A=1, B=2, etc.

5) Jenny=3 Jimmy=6 In 6 yrs: Jenny=9, Jimmy=12 (3/4) 2 yrs ago, Jenny=1, Jimmy=4 (1/4)
7) We can't believe the construction was shoddy. We'll sue!

Joke Day 4-27-09 Joke Day

A grouchy pirate:- walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. The bartender asks " Whats with the steering wheel?"; to which the pirate replies: "AAAR! ITS DRIVING ME NUTS!"

A priest, a homo and a pedophile walk into a bar. He was the first guy!

Two fish are in a tank. One says, 'So how do you drive this thing?'

A baby seal walks into a club ...

Q: Why don't people tell jokes about Jonestown?
A: The punchline is too long.

An optometrist fell into a lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.

George W Bush:- Washington DC Sept 13, 2001

"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him."

4-25-09

The Linda B-Day:- Attendees at the Capital Grill included Leslie & Bob, Pam & Jonathan, Ken & Deb, Phred & Linda and Christie Hefner.

We await Leslie's pics of the event.

4-21-09

Today's Brainiac Quiz:- Phred says, "Let's all put on our (Smarty) Pants". He submitted the linked Mensa test hoping our

combined crainiums will correctly answer all eight of the questions. Give it a try and email the editor (me) with your answers.

4-20-09

Happy Birthday Linda
You're the new 18

4-18-09

Stop This Man:- He has truth in mouth disease.

WTF:- A new Fox News website. Things are getting most bizarre.

4-17-09

Where are they today:-
K&D are in St. Louis

F&L are in New York
Bob is in sane.

4-15-09

This day in History:-
1452 - Leonardo da Vinci born
1755 - Samuel Johnson publishes Dictionary of English Language
1861 - Lincoln calls out troops in response to Fort Sumter attack
1865 - Lincoln dies
1912 - Titanic sinks
1922 - Chicago mayor Harold Washington born
1945 - Bergen-Belsen liberated
1946 - Bob arrives; 9:31 AM at Henrotin Hospital
2009 - Tax day

What Things Cost in 1946:-
Car: $1,400
Gasoline: 18¢ / gal
House: $12,500
Bread: 10¢ / loaf
Milk: 70¢ / gal
Postage Stamp: 3¢
Stock Market: 177
Average Salary: $3,150 / yr
Minimum Wage: 40¢ / hr

4-14-09

Ebay to Sell Skype:- It may be soon be time to buy. Click here

Dyslexic Bob Says:- I'm gonna be 36.

4-10-09

Bob's Response to Aaron's Ponder Point:- When is it? The first plague of Blood. The last plague of First Born Death? Moses / the Isrealites receiving the Commandments? The fall of Jericho? The CENTER of the Story is about that which created reality.
It's not necessarily about the Jews. Without that entity, there would not be Jews - or for that matter - anything. For lack of a better starting point, The Book uses the earth's creation. In my view, it's quite a prosaic point - but that's what 'was written'.

K&D's Seder:- Very nice. Attendees: Josh, Rachel, & Micah, Chuck & Phyllis, Aaron & Candi, Bob & Mr. E Liesha. We all read from the Hagadah. We all schvitzed from Chuck's white horseradish. We all ate like it was our last supper. We all had a great night. Thanks to K&D.

Click pic for more

4-09-09

Michael's News of the Day:-
» Phlamingo woke up this morning and thought about what
Passover meant to her…and then laid down and took a nap.
» Michael went to PhunClub and wanted to take Ali on vacation!

We Have a Winner:- The Vacation Bonanza has been won by [drum role] MICHAEL! Ali and he will soon enjoy thier all expenses paid vacation to a destination of his choice. Congratulations Michael. Now choose your vacation destination. We hope you have the $$$ to pay all the expenses.

From Aaron & Candi:- We wish all Phunclub members a happy Pesach.

From Aaron:- I also have a question about Pesach for all Phunclub members to ponder:

Why is Pesach not the Jewish new year?

Pesach is our defining holiday, it represents a time in our history when the Jews were freed from slavery and became one nation.

Should this not be the first day of the Jewish calendar? Moreover, why is the Jewish new year not when God revealed himself at Sinai and chose the Jewish people to receive his word through Torah? Certaintly that moment should be day one of the Jewish calendar.

Furthermore, why is Exodus not the first book of the Torah? If Passover represents the birth of the Jewish nation, should it not stand to reason that the Torah should begin with Passover as the first day of the Jewish new year? The world was created on Rosh Hashana, but Pesach is the creation of the Jews. Shouldn't time for Jews start at that moment?

Just wonderin'..... Aaron

A Few Passover 1-Liners; From The House of Chumetz:-
Don't be so humble; you are not that great. - Golda Meir
A Jewish telegram: "Start worrying. Details to follow."
I have enough money to last the rest of my life ...
unless I buy something.

4-08-09

PhunClub Contest:- The next person to send an article for the PhunClub News will get an all expenses paid vacation to a destination of their choice.

4-04-09

PhunClub West(ish):- Barb & Dave arrived from DesMoines to inspect a pine yard with F,D,K&D. Bob virtually supervised the after-dinner festivities via Skype.

After-Birth Days:-	Bob	Ken	Phred	Linda	Deb
As of today:	23,000	22,715	22,393	21,899	21,738

4-02-09

The End is Near:- Well, 3-years, 5-months, 3-weeks and 1-day away. It looks like the Mayan calender ended in 2012 for a reason. The story is here. Briefly, the article says we'll be hit by major solar flares, causing anywhere from significant power grid damage, to the destruction of all developed nations' municipal infrastucture. Hey! How bout dem Bears?

Bob Bit a Chicken Beak (or something):- It was evidently left in a buffalo wing he was eating. As a result, Bob cracked ANOTHER tooth. Why a buffalo wing would include a chicken beak is a question answered in the Talmud. But my guess is that a chicken collided with a buffalo while they they were flying along Pretty soon, Bob's gonna look like Gabby Hayes.

4-01-09

Breaking News:- Due to the collapsing newspaper industry and popularity of Faux News, we have "Breaking News".

Another Ken Classic:- Check out 'One Day in Palm Springs'; A Family's Search for Housing in Difficult Economic Times.

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

3-27-09

Phlamingo is IN:- Michael, as Phlamingo's personal translator, interviewd her during her morning press conference-walk. It was then that our new member presented her essay... and more.

Phlamingo's 25 1/2 words:- In between sniphing and ... er... phooping, I have thought long and hard for the twenty-five and one-half words needed for my membership. Here it is: Wo(of).

3-26-09

Bummer:- Before going too far with this Facebook thing, there's a cautionary tale about potential of ID Theft and such sites. Click here and let others know!

Provisional Pooch:- Phlamingo has been lax in sending in her 25 1/2 word essay on "Why I Want to be a Phunclub Member". We await her essay before phull membership is granted.

3-25-09

Publicity Hounds:- RinTinTin, Lasssie, Snoopy, and now, Phlamingo. Ali wrote, directed & produced a really nice video homage to the family's pooch-in-chief. The Tail - errrr ahhh - The Tale of Phlamingo. Click here to see it.

Interspecies Special:- Our Phlorida constituancy may be going to the dogs. Ali's asked that Phlamingo be granted phull PhunClub membership. As Grand Glortz, I'll grant it unless 43 no-votes are received by 10:20 AM CDST today. ... la la lah ... du du di dute du duuu ... OK Phlamingo's in!

3-20-09

K,D,A,C,B,J,M,C (wheu) Phlee Winter:- HA Ha ha ... The joke's on them. Spring begins today; right here at PhunClub HQ. And while Ken & Deb sit in desolate desert heat, we enjoy a leasurly tour of our beautiful city on the many open highways of Chicago.

The Chicago Tribune vs. The PhunClub News:- As the newspaper indusrtry continues it's devolution, those reporters that have not yet been fired, find they are writing in order to just fill up otherwise empty space in the publication. Like the remaining reporters at the Tribune, this PhunClub News reporter seems to be following suit.

s
Ken Sees a desert mirage.	We enjoy touring the city.

3-17-09

The Phluphlegm Report:- I didn't have the phlu. I have couphing and phlegm. I'm getting better and expect to pheel phine by phriday. Pharwell, Linda

3-16-09

Debbie's in California:- She's watching a little ball go back and forth.

What Movie?:- KD&B watched something Saturday night. What was it?

3-14-09

Linda's on the Mend:- Phred says her bout with the flu (a.k.a. heebeegeebees) is in the 9th round. She was well enough to attend a shower today but suffered are flulapse causing her to miss the Trujillo's-a-Schmuck film festival. For those of us who are Trujillo fans, Porfirio Rubirosa was his son-in-law.

H.U.H.?:- Go figure

03/10/09

Will You Marry Me? ~ A documentary:- Written, produced and directed by .... KPC. Click here (wait a while for the video to load).

03/08/09

Party Like it's March 2009:- Reports of serial PhunClub partying are sweeping the nation. Sadly, neither Bob nor Eminem attended last night's ad hoc 'Aaron & Candi' engagement gathering or today's Samanth & Ethan birthday party. Nevertheless, the pics are here and here.

Bob Joins the Belmonts:- "I'm the type of guy that likes to roam around. I'm never in one place, I roam from town to town." That was today, as Bob enjoyed a 100 mile round-trip drive (in torential rain) to & from F&L's, in search of the S&E birthday party. Next time Bob will READ THE INVITATION! He also missed last night's A&C engagement due to ... Weirk.

3/07/09

It's The BIG One:- Someday soon, Aaron will look at Candi and say, "I didn't bring the check book. Did you bring the check book?" But today, Aaron asked Candi a different question. And Candi said "Yes". That's right ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, Aaron and Candi are engaged to be married!!!

B'nai PhunClub:- With the entire PhunClub membership soon to be related, we plan to start a Phuninlaw congregation in Alabama.

3/06/09

Saint Louis~ The Documentary:- Our reportors Ken & Deb visit Ben, Jill, Maxwell & Carson to find Saint Louis. Though they're in Saint Louis they can't find Saint Louis. Click Here to witness the search.

3/01/09

Rate of Return:- Phour of the Phive Phounding Phunclub members are returning home today. That's one hellofa rate of return.

K&D are Home, and write:- Home sweet home. Had a great time with the grandkids, Jill and Ben. Those kids can really tire a guy out.

2/21/09

Phred & Linda Crap Out:- They flew west for a pair a dice in Las Vegas. But the pilot overshot the runway, landing in paradise... Obama's home, Hawaii.

Orson Crells, no Kenson Welranecranls... oh hell ... how about Staneth Kranbick Finishes Another Masterpiece:- Here's a sneak preview of what will not be appearing in your movie theaters season. This month's K&D Jamaca vacation. Click here... and wait for it to load.

2/18/09

Benjy's Answer:-   Benjy asks his father, "What is fornication?"

He gets the answer all Jewish fathers give: "Go ask your mother."

So Benjy goes to the kitchen and asks, "What's fornication?

His mother replies, "I'm busy right, go ask your bubbe. She'll tell you."

So Benjy goes to his bubbe's room, knocks on her door and shouts, "Please Bubbe, what is fornication? No one here seems to know." Bubbe says, "Come inside tatellah."

She leads him to her closet and takes out a beautiful full-length pink, beaded evening dress and says, "This, tatellah, is foranoccasion."

2/17/09

New flavors from Ben & Jerry:-
- Heckuvajob Brownie
- Nut'n Accomplished
- imPeachmint
- Credit Crunch

- Cluster Fudge
- WireTapioca
- Abu Grape
- Iraqi Road
- WMDelicious

- Good Riddance You Rectum... Swirl
- Country Pumpkin
- Chocolate Chimp
- Rocky Road to Fascism
- Grape Depression

2/16/09

Sammi's B-Day Party Report:- Phantastic Phestivities! Bob
Pam & Jonathan say:- I got ya pitures rite hea.

We had a great time at Samantha's 2nd Birthday Party. Linda & Fred

2/11/09

K&D in Jamaca:- Outside Cabana, on Veranda. Here's the video:- 1 2

Ken and Deb reporting from Jamaica:- ah, sorry folks, we have nothing to report except the rum punch is outstanding

K and D

2/10/09

Happy Birthday Jonathan:- You don't look a day over the Dow!

2/07/09

Lester Accused In 1968 Bar Shooting:- It's over! Lester's going to the pokey / slammer / pen / big house / clink / lockup / cage / jail.

Through the cooperation of the Denver & Dayton police, Lester will be put on ice / in confinement / behind bars. Here's the story.

2/03/09

What Of It:- What's this 'of'' thing? 5 of 6 Is that a proper response, when asked the time? Can of worms - Robin of Loxley -

Child of nature - But of jokes - Box of chocolates - Tired of driving - Picture of serenity ... We must teach these ofers how to tell time.

2/02/09

Sammi to Maxwell:-   "Spaceman? I got ya Spaceman right heeya!"

Not to be out-done by Maxwell's Spaceman, Samantha packed her jumbo trunk, mounted her trusty steed, Poneeey, and rode to the Serengeti. Poneeey introduced her to his Republican friends; the elephant family; mommy Barbar, baby Elmer & daddy Dumbo, the head of the family.

Maxwell's spaceman friend then evicted the Republican elephant family from their home. The now live in Gonegrass

Samantha returns to her safe home.

1/31/09

Excitement Abounds:- Here's what happened: ... And then ... Once we found the ... Obama called to say ... So, we'll get it on ... The End

We Need NEWS:- Help!!! Someone, anyone, send news!

Really nothing too exciting is happening:- The icicles are melting today. That's a good sign. Fred is at Toys R Us looking for "people" Legos for Samantha (really, I think they are for him).

K&D are in Jamaica-maaaaan. Ali and Michael are "dogging"it. It was nice talking to Lana via Phone-to-phone-to-Skype. She sounded excited about Lisa's Baby-to-be. Okay, is that enough news for you Bob? Oh yeah, Bob took some plastic containers off the shelf in his office and plans on putting them in the kitchen. Also, he discovered two Grant Wood prints on the very same shelf---they must have been up there for a very long time because the dust really flew. Signing off--Your Reporter Extordinaire Linda

Maxwell visits the Spaceman

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

1/25/09

Last night we toured
the homes of PJ&S and A&C.
Then it was off to Gibsons, where
K&D dined with B, J&R, F&L, A&C,
Phood, phriends & phun.

Happy
Birthday
Kenny!

The theme of Kenny's birthday was
MEAT MEAT MEAT!
It was a blast of a party as it always is.
It sure brightens up the winter.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEN.
Love-Linda & Phred

01/22/09

Sadly, Ya Never Know:- (See column to right) This happened to a kid who goes (went) to the high school my nephew Matt goes to. When I hear stories like this, I commonly think of the victim. The farthest thing from my mind are the parents of the victim's schoolmates. Frightening! (sorry to be a bummer)

Quiet Danville Rocked By Teen's Front Porch Slaying

KTVU 2 San Francisco - Jan 21 9:06 AM

A 17-year-old Danville boy died early Wednesday morning after being shot on his family's front porch, according to Danville police Chief Chris Wenzel.

01/21/09

Las Wagers:- I Robert S Bovinecrush, am now obliged to make a public statement concerning a wager made with Kenneth Gantry. The wager (Bush's Choice) was entered into without coercion, intimidation, duress or argumentun baculinum of any sort with Kenneth Gantry and was witnessed by Deborah Gantry, Linda Fiddlepowdertown and Fred Fiddlepowdertown.

Bush's Choice was a simple statement concerning the beloved President of the United States, George W. Bush. It was stated, asserted, avowed and declared by me, Robert S. Bovinecrush, that President George W Bush would not finish his term of office as President of the United States of America. This wager was taken up by Kenneth Gantry, who stated that the beloved President, George W Bush, would finish

his term in office as the President of the United States of America.

I now acknowledge, confirm, attest, warrant, uphold, substantiate, authenticate, validate, certify, ratify and verify that in fact the beloved President, George W Bush, did in fact complete and prosecute to a conclusion his entire, unabbreviated, undiminished, unexpurgated term in office as President of the United States of America.

Therefore, I admit, confess, allow, avow, grant, warrant, concede and express general agreement that I was mistaken, in error, wrong, inaccurate, incorrect, inexact and full of shit concerning President George W Bush and his term in office.

Robert S Bovinecrush

01/20/09

F&L Care for the Spouseless:- With Deb out of town & Bob out to lunch, F&L (well... really Linda) made dinner for Ken & Bob (aka: the lonely boys). No, not dinner: a feast! And Phred eats like that nightly!

After dinner we screened the latest work of Phrederico Phunllini,which documented the heartrendering saga of a family rundishund to the Supreme Leader's home.

Flamingo:- Is still feeling a bit 'out of focus'!

01/19/09

Debbie's in Naples:- But her bowls & basket are here. She'll be back.

TOMORROW, DUHBYA IS HISTORY
We can't possibly express our recognition for all you've done, ASSHOLE.

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

01/18/09

Sammi Sitters Local 351:- Though negotiations between management and union seemed to go smoothly, Local 351 had to make many concessions at the bargaining table to get the contact. They won't be able to talk loudly or turn up the TV while Sammi's napping and are required to speak with a smile and raised eyebrows when discussing any issue with her. F&L said the pay stinks but benefits are great. Samantha enjoyed her stay with Papa and RaeRae.

She said she had a "nice bathey" and plans to return soon. Oh, and Linda has a pimple on her chiny-chin-chin.

Maxwell's on The Ball:- Debbie has ordered 200 golf balls for Maxwell. Though Maxwell has not yet donned white shoes and plaid pants for the links, Softa thinks she'll be able to use the balls as a mechanism to help him calibrate the spacemen who occasionally visit him at home.

01/15/09

Interesting:- From this perspective, it will never stop. So now what? Remember: when two crazy people argue...

01/14/09

Chicago, C Cold!:- Bitter cold. Wind chill at -30F. Low -12F.
Today's record high 60° (1928) | record low -14° (1979)

Anchorage:- Low 34F. Wind SE at 20 mph. Chance of rain 60%.
Miami Beach:- Sunshine. High near 65F. Winds N at 10 mph.

01/12/09

Flight Arriving at uhhhh... Someday:- United Flight #1@& - Linda says it was a 2-day adventure gettiing home but it was great having everyone together.

01/11/09

For What It's Worth:- There's a site where folks can vote their sentiment regarding the current confict in Gaza. At the time of this writing, the vote is: Support for Israel= 41.3% vs. 'Palestine' (whatever that is)= 58.7 To access the site & vote Click Here

Today's Funny:- An Arabic family put their grandfather (Abdullah) in an nursing home. Since all the Arabic facilities were full they settled for an Italian nursing home. After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa: 'How do you like it here?' asks the grandson.

'It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful, says grandpa. 'We're so happy. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone. ''Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents, 'Abdullah said with a smile. 'There's a musician here-- he's 85. He hasn't played a violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'! "There is a judge in here -- he's 95. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone calls him 'Your Honor'! 'And me -- I haven't had sex for 35 years and they call me The Fucking Arab'

01/09/09

Mysterious Object Seen Crashing From The Heavens:- While on assignment overseas, phabulous phunclub reporter Phred, spotted and recorDed this large UFO falling from the heavens and crashing into the sea. Moments later, all became dark for 10 hours. There appears to be a local news blackout, as no mention was made of this event on any area news media. Will keep PhunClub members updated on this breaking story.

Clandestine, Surreptitious, Covert Images of our Missing Members:- We've received photos phrom the detention phacility where our 'Disappeared' members are being held. Their level of desperation and hopelessnessosity is clearly evident. Unfortunately for all readers, the text of this article must continue until it is aproximates the amount of text to the left. There...this should be enough phor symmetry's sake. Click here for pics.

01/08/09

Editorial - An End to Economic Strife:- Bob Maynard Keynmash

America should give a $50,000 IOU to all females who are childless at 14 yrs old. Make it payable on or after their 21st birthday, so long as they have not bore children AND have had their tubes tied.

Also, $10,000 should be promised to any women who has children and is still of childbearing age. The $$$ would be paid when she gets her tubes tied or is in menopause ... so long as she did not have a child after accepting the IOU.

THAT would solve a lot of problems:

°	It would put a shit-load of $$$ into economies around the world.
°	As the populations of other nations dropped, their labor cost would rise.

°	US labor costs would be more competitive with other nations.
°	A higher percentage of Americans would be working with fewer jobs shipped overseas.
°	The poorer the people, the more likely they'll accept the offer.
°	The lower income class will shrink & be better off economically.
°	The poor pay a lot less tax (per person & as a group) than the upper income class. So, the tax burden will shrink.
°	Violent crime and thefts will decrease.
°	More tax $$$ will be available for education, research & public works.
°	World hunger will become a part of pre-Bobby history.

Hail Bob! Civilization's Repair Man

01/07/09

F&L Family's Sudden Disappearance:- We have a lead! There was an ''anonymousely" signed ransom note found inside a size 6 man's shoe, which was stuck in some child's left behind. Click on the note's image for a full size view. We await their safe return.

Other News:- Upon Skyping Phlorida's renowned Dream Girl (Lisa L,), Bob's conversation was interrupted by a call that she prioritized over his. Bob says the next time he sees Lisa, he'll be dressed as the Publishers Clearinghouse prize guy. Maybe then she won't de-skyperize him for someone else.

Debbie On Her Way:- To Phlorida. She'll be in Naples, sunbathing, for 5-days. Here's the best part. Her phlight only cost Kenny $150; round trip.

01/02/09

New Year Eve Party:- The PhunClub Illuminati were in attendance at the phestivities. Robbie, Sweda, Bob, Nancy, Jerry, Sindi, Phred, Linda, Mike & Peggy were at Ken & Deb's to show their support for ... uhhhh.... for ... 2009. Yeah! That's the ticket.

We ate, we sketched, we cocked around & celebrated. Peggy played Ken's original composition: The Upside-Down Concerto. Bob and Pred were hoping to sing the new PhunClub Anthem - to the tune of Baby's Got Back. But sadly, Ken's karioke machine wasn't available. Pics are Here

12/31/08

And Not a Minute Too Soon:-
H A P P Y N E W Y E A R

12/28/08

2008 is Almost Phardrate:- Come to the party and don't be late.

Halleluyah:- Debbie's Tennis Season starts after January 1st & ends in July.

12/21/08

Happy Birthday Arron: Soon to be expats, Arron & Candi are leaving to enjoy Cuban cigars in the Dominican Republic. Last night, Rachell, Bob, K&D, F&L, J&P, celebrated Arron's B-Day with Candi at Joe's Steack House. OY - Food - Drinks - Food - Food - then Deserts. All enjoyed. Pics will hopefully arrive soon for posting. For the far-away travelers, it was a very cold and windy trip home. But well worth it.

Bush Snuffs Another One:- So this guy, who has inside info about the stolen 2004 Ohio presidential election, and the Bush Administration's missing emails is threatened in July 2008 by the Bushies if he talks. Then, in late October, he's compelled to give a depositiion concerning what he knows. Whoops! Then on December 20, 2008, he's killed in a private plane 'accident'. Whada coinkydink. Whada country! Bush

Mugabe.

12/18/08

As Seen on Skype:- Aaron & Candi are in the video-call groove since yesterday, when they downloaded Skype. Now equiped with a new

Apple and web-cam we hope they don't find out that the web-cam is always on and broadcasting, even when the Apple is off.

12/17/08

From the Martians in Bob's Washing Machine:-

We can expect more crime due to the crashing economy. Of course, crime won't affect us... cuz it never has... right?   Here's some stuff to consider.

1. Your elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you're close enough.

2. If a robber asks for your wallet / purse, don't hand it to him. Toss it away from you. He's likely more interested in your wallet / purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. Run in the other direction!

3. If you're ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out a back tail light and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will.

4. Women tend to get in their car after shopping, etc., and do their check book, or make a list, etc.) Don't! A predator may be watching and get in on the passenger side. As soon as you get in your car, lock the doors and leave

If a bad guy is in the car, don't drive off! Instead, ram the right side of your car into something solid. Your air bag will save you. If someone's in the back seat they'll get the worst of it. When the car stops bail out and run.

5. More notes about entering your car in a parking lot / garage:
A.) Be aware. Look in your car, at the passenger side floor, and back seat.
B.) If you're parked next to a van, enter your car from the passenger door. Bad guys pull victims into their van while women are getting in their cars.
C.) Look at the cars next to yours. If a guy's sitting in the seat nearest your car, go back to the mall/work, & get someone to walk you back out.

6. Always take the elevator instead of the stairs.

7. If a bad guy has a gun and you're not under his control, run! If the bad guy shoots, he'll likely not hit a vital organ RUN, Preferably in a zig -zag pattern!

8. Stop being sympathetic: Ted Bundy was a good-looking, educated man, who played on women's sympathies. He walked with a cane/limp, and often asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle.

9. The sound of a crying baby outside your door may be a recording to get you to open it. Call the police if your not expecting a guest with an infant.

10. If you wake up to the sound of your outside water taps running, call the police. Do not go out to investigate.

12/15/08

Michael & Ali Rescue Flamingo:- They went to a pet rescue facility, saved a flamingo and named it Dog... err uhhh... No! They saved a dog and named it Flamingo. The pooch is about four years old and part Snoozer ... No ... Schnorrer ... No ... Schnaunzer.

Flamingo came with all the amenities: kennel cough, ovaries and a skin infection requiring her to be shaved. Hail Flamingo! The new PhunClub mascot.

OJ's Taking Notes:- Samantha has escaped! Sadly, with no getaway car waiting as she fled her crib, she was found sitting on her stool, with book in hand, when authorities arrived. She made the following confession to Warden Pam: "Hi Mommy. I fell cribby on floor. A bump. A doctor"

Before	After
HIPPA regulations prevent disclosure of her medical condition; Flamingitis.

12/14/08

Phredmas 2008:- The prephestivity entertainment included Ken's slant on anatomy. Though we did not bring water or provisions, we survived the arduous half-hour trek through Phred's driveway. Immediately, upon arrival at Morton's, the Driller Sisters grilled the staff, peppering them with questions about rumors of their imminent closing (which they claim are false).

We ate, we drank, we ate more, then we continued eating. On that note, Linda told our server that her steak was tough. Rather than responding "Yeah? That's tough." our server discounted her meal by half: Ca-Ching. As we finnished dinner, the server brought complimentary liqueurs, which we of course accepted due to the lovely compliments they were laying on us. The PhunClub thoroughly enjoyed the celebration. Happy Phredmas!

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

12/12/08
Tomorrow is Phredmas:- On Phredmas 1929, the Clip on Tie was designed, and in 2000, Al Gore threw in the towel. ... But we still have Phredmas!
12/11/08
Calibrate your mouse for 2009:- Click on the "S" and move it to the "G"	SOME FOLKS BELIEVE ANYTHING
12/07/08
Bob's Back ... & Front:- After thwarting nonexistent pirates from boarding his cruise ship, Bob returned from the Bulmuda Entangle. Eighteen family	members toured the Caribbean (or is it pronounced Caribbean?) while plundering the on-ship food. Thanks to the PhunClub Taxi Service.
11/27/08
Have a Great Thanksgiving:- Today, be thankful you're not a turkey. + If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? = Pilgrims!

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

11/25/08

The New Math:- Phren Cranberg = MaxSam Imumcuteness

11/23/08

Hadley Newest PhunClubCub Reporter:- After an internet search for the FunClub's website, he learned of it's 'new wave' spelling. We look forward to his report, and that $18,000 bottle of booze he slipped in his pocket.

Open House at K&D's for Carson:- Mmmmm cookies! A dandy group assembled to welcome Carson to Chicago. Our hosts were the best and the kids in attendance were major cuties. Kids...? Is that anyone under 35? We hope pictures will follow.

11/19/08

Move over Scorsese, Kubrick & Fellini:- Greetings! I just published a new movie of Carson's naming. It runs about 16 minutes. Turn your sound up to about 75% max.

If it doesn't run well when you click it at the web site, it may run better if you download it and try to run it again. Click the link below to check it out. Click Carson Thomas 2008 Hope you like it Ken

11/17/08

The Name's Taken:- Today, in Seattle, Bob's father's brother's, son's son's wife gave birth to a 9lb. 11 oz. boy.

They named him... ya ready?... Gibson. Oh well, the name Maxenbenny is still available.

11/14/08

In The First Person:- FLASH- The hit movie MICAH, was remastered, reeditted, reworked and improved...actually, I noticed that I spelled Rachel's name incorrectly in the first production and have now corrected the error.

The production company, it's affiliates and all of it's employees and consultants regret the error. Ken Click here to view the soon-to-be classic video.

11/13/08

Rahm Emanuel's History Explains Wierdocity:- His 4th grade teacher at Anshe Emet Day School, was Bob's cousin Barbara. Living in Miami for the past 20 years, she knew nothing of current Chicago politics, but when

Barb saw Emanuel's pictire in the news, after accepting the role of Obama's Chief of Staff, she recognized him. When interviewd by The PhunClub News, Barb said he was a nice, happy, smiling boy with big eyes.

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

11/09/08

Oh Oh...:- Rahm Emanuel is idiomatically challenged. When he was on Face The Nation this morning he described how the Bush administration put off dealing with the health care and economic issues inflicted upon us. In that regard, he characterized Bush's handling of those issues by saying, "They just kicked it down the can." Is this guy really from Chicago? He repeated the phrase at least three times.

PhunClub Hanger-On:- Larry David seems intent on schmoozing his way into the PhunClub. Aaron and Candi report that David promised to have the Soup Nazi put on trial in the next episode of Seinfeld; if he receives an invitation to pledge.

11/06/08

Appalachian Voters:- Two hillbillys were on their way to vote. One says:
"Wanna play Twenty Questions?"
"Sure," says the other. "Go ahead and think of somethin'."
"Okay, I'm ready," says the first.

"Is it somethin' ya eat?" asks the second hillbilly.
"Yep."
"Is it mule dick?"
"Yep."

11/05/08

President-Elect Obama:- From Earl Butts & George Wallace to now.

KDC to LVN:- By now, the PhunClub has enough miles to fly to Saturn.

11/03/08

Phlash Phrom Phred:- Linda is home from Paris and Denver. Amy is doing pretty well. Sorry Bob has had problems with his teeth. (samantha will be happy to give him some left over baby food) ... or maybe her baby teeth when she's done with them.

LBJ and Israel:- Things we didn't know. Click here

The PhunClub in Paris:- Here's the video. Where's the popcorn?

McBama Election Tomorrow:- Arizona or Chicago. Mellow or mad. Black or white. Old or young. Smart or stupid. Experience or fresh. Future or past. Palin or Biden.

10/30/08

Holloween Story:- A man walking home late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears: BUMP BUMP BUMP

Walking faster, he look back through the fog and sees an upright casket banging its way down the street toward him. BUMP BUMP BUMP

Terrified, the man runs toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him. FASTER FASTER BUMP BUMP BUMP

He runs to his door, opens it, rushes in, slams and locks it. But, the casket crashes through, clapping at his heels. clappity-BUMP clappity-BUMP

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath now sobbing gasps.

With a CRASH the casket breaks down the door, bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and, ...

the coffin stops.

10/29/08

Amputation-: Poor Bob. He had two molars amputated today... and he hardly cried.

Kenny has Nothing for the PhunClub News:- Except that the production phase of his philm epic The PhunClub Invades Paris, is complete.

10/24/08

Phred's Fotos:- Paris; an America view. Museums Versailles Monet's Garden Paris People Street Scenes Bateau Mouche Nissim Camondo Museum

10/23/08

The PhunClub Returns:- It is said that, in a clutch, home is were the heart is. So they returned; clutching their posessions, like those of Ellis Island.

Reports are, that while oversees, they were smoking the clutch... whatever 'clutch' is.

10/16/08

On Behalf of PC Expats, Ken Writes today:- We just returned from the Louvre and Orangerie museums. It was beautiful.

At the time of his writing, the ladies were shopping and Ken's was about to take a quick snooze.

10/14/08

HEY - Where is Everbody?:- What the hell's going on? Who's responsible for this? It's like, everyone just up and left the country. If I don't hear from the PhunClub soon, the terrorists will win.

Chicago Area News:Roundup:- Hmmm... tap tap tap...

FLASH!:- Even mundane technologies are beyond America's scope. While driving, this writer was turning left off Roosevelt, when my cell rang. It was the Phunclub calling from Paris, a mere 4,390 miles away. Yet that call and a 2nd attempted call got disconnected. The 3rd attempt succeeded. B.T.W.: They're having a great time.

10/10/08

Thanks to Mike & Stephanie:- Gracious hosts. Breaking the fast with great conversation, people and (mmmm) food.

The PhunClub Blog:- is now active! Click here (or upper left permalink)

It will take a while to get used to it. But we can post to it.

The Phleeing PhunClub:- Now, they look French, like John Kerry.

10/05/08

News Update:- Aaron is no longer a Cubs fan.

Another Update:- The News is back. Bob's computer now works.

9/15/08

Aaron's Update:- Candi is scheduled to officially move in on Thursday. Aaron thinks Candi has a lot of clothes, but is overjoyed.

Within the Past 4 Days:- Hurricane Ike demolished Houston, the Chicago area was flooded by record breaking rain and the market dropped 504 points. Whadaya thinks gonna happen tomorrow?

9/13/08

K&D Invite You to See Their New Grandson:- Click Here

9/11/08

Hocker Happenings
Debbie Spit on Linda:- Linda to see doctor tonight. More news at 11

Debbie Apologizes :- I want to send Linda my sincere apology for spitting on her today. It was just too funny.

Micah's First Birthday:- "It's been a wild ride so far" says Micah, "And I'm a bit puzzled about the anthrax investigation." Pics here

Aaron's News Update:- Candi flies home from Los Angeles today (of all days...)

9/10/08

Live Web Cam at Cern's new Large Hadron Collider:- Take a look

9/08/08

The Aristocrats:- are back home where they belong!

Check This Out:- Before the poor woman is 'martyred'. Click here

9/07/08

Correction:- Our 9/01/08 news item concerning the initiation of Candi into the PhunClub misspelled her name. A correction has been made.

Clarification:- Jonathan & Pam didn't go to a movie today.

McCain Supporters:- Do not watch this video or this video.

9/06/08

Jonathan's Political Commentary:-

1.	My impulse after the Sarah Palin speech at the RNC convention was to remind everyone that Jesus was a community organizer and Pontius Pilate was a governor. [Editor's note: Eggggsalent!]
2.	Pam does a great impression of Grampy McSame (John McCain) - ask her to do it the next time you see her.

3.	In other news, Pam and Jonathan will see their first movie together in 7 months tomorrow. (Commentary requested by Pam)
4.	Sammi now calls herself "Ssshammi." (Commentary requested by Pam)
5.	Looking forward to the first shotgun wedding at the White House if McCain/Palin get elected. Peace and much love, Jonathan

9/04/08

More Pics of Carson & Family:- Click Here

9/03/08

Introducing Carson:-

Who	Newest Phunclub member
What	6lb 15oz soon to be mench
Where	St. Louis
When	August 31, 2008
Why	Maxwell wanted a brother

Maxwell Matriculates:- We haven't heard yet if he's pooped from studying or something else.

Jill Returns Home:- after relaxing at The Delivery Room.

9/02/08

PhunClub News editor declares 9/02/08 "Political Day"

Associated Press - Sept 1, 08:- Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, is being investigated concerning the firing of her public safety commissioner. The Legislature is investigating whether Palin fired the commissioner after he refused to fire a state trooper who divorced Palin's sister. More here

Palin was Director of Ted Stevens' 527 Group:- Click Here

McCain introduces Palin:- See video

Senator Obama vs. Senator McCain:- Of the 638 Senate bills voted on since 1st quarter of 2007... Obama missed 45% vs. McCain missed 64%

What has Obama done for Illinois and America?:- Click Here

McCain's POW performance:- Click here & Here

9/01/08

Chillin' at F&L's:- with A&C, J,P&S and B. A bit of swimming, bache ball and Driving Miss Samantha in her beep beep mobile.

Jonathan to submit Political Commentary:- Weeeee're waiting!

Ken returns:- from St.Louis. All doing great. Carson sends his regards.

Candi initiated into PhunClub:- The ceremony included her unveiling of the Cam (Candi + Pam) Rosetta Plate.

8/31/08

The PhunClub Welcomes its Newest Member:- Mr. Carson Thomas arrived in St. Louis this morning at 8:30. He was greeted by Ben, Jill, Ken, Deb, Paul & Terry as Maxwell prepared the must-share-toys instructions he will give Carson as he enters his new home. At 6lbs 15oz, Carson will receive more than two decades of free health care, food, housing, utilities, clothing, entertainment, transportation and education. In addition, a full-time wait staff will serve him for the next 10-years. Life: It's better than the lottery. Best wishes to all.

Michael Writes:- I phound the link to the ball of phun that changes color on the page, and am happy to report I will be playing with that rather than reading about property and torts. Thanks for the excellent distraction!!

Editor's Note:- The subject link has been modified in order to mitigate the PhunClub News' liability.

McCain imPalin:- Click here

8/30/08

Gentlemen, We Have Lift-Off:- I donno. I've just always wanted to say it.

Go Crazy:- Click the ball. When you do, it's color will change.

Bob Gets Lost going to the Bathroom... Again:- While at Bob's last

night, The PhunClub decided to dine at Hugo's in Naperville - a town Bob lived in or near for 34 years. Due to his ostensible familiarity with the area, he was asked to navigate Phred to the restaurant. In true, Bob fashion, he got lost. Fortunately Linda (a.k.a. Resource Woman) was able to get us there.

8/27/08

Subway Series:- Sports enthusiast Bob is in a quandary (unlike the Martians in Bob's washing machine). Phred posed the following question. "If the Cubs & Sox both win 2008 pennants, what will Chicago declare to be the quintessential South Side and North Side foods?

The PhunClub asks it's members (or anyone else who happens along) to name / describe the emblematic edible for both the Cubs & Sox. Answers and attributions will be published in The News.

8/23/08

Irving. The Jewish Dog:- Morty visits Dr. Saul, the veterinarian, and says, 'My dog has a problem.'

Dr. Saul says, 'So, tell me about the dog and the problem.'

'It's a Jewish dog. His name is Irving and he can talk,' says Morty.

'He can talk?' the doubting doctor asks.'

Watch this!'

Morty points to the dog and commands: 'Irving, Fetch!'

Irving, the dog, begins to walk toward the door, then turns around and says,

'So why are you talking to me like that? You always order me around like I'm nothing. And you only call me when you want something. And then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis. You give me this fahkahkta food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it's a special diet. It tastes like dreck! YOU should eat it yourself! And do you ever take me for a decent walk? NO, it's out of the house, a short pish, and right back home. Maybe if I could stretch out a little, the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much! I should roll over and play dead for real for all you care!'

Dr. Saul is amazed, 'This is remarkable! So, what's the problem?'

Morty says, 'He has a hearing problem! I said 'Fetch,' not 'Kvetch.''

8/22/08

From the 2009 Farmers Almanac:- "The almanac predicts above-normal snowfall for the Great Lakes and Midwest, especially during January

and February." What the hell do old farmers know? Let's just see if the Almanac's right.

8/21/08

Amerikanski?!! Congratulations to Samatha's great-grandfather, Zaida Gus (America's newest citizen) on passing his citizenship test. He'll be sworn in, as a citizen, next week. Now, with Gus on the US team, Putin will be scootin.

Linda's Joke Review:-
I liked the Ken-Ben joke. It made me laugh out loud.

8/20/08

Ken's Comics (via Ben):-

The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.

They were both in very good health due to the Wife's' insistence on healthy foods and exercise. One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

They reached the pearly gates and St. Peter escorted to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A was hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said: 'Welcome to Heaven. This is your home now.' The old man asked Peter how much this was going to cost.

'Why, Nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.

'What are the greens fees?' grumbled the old man.

'This is heaven' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'

At the clubhouse they saw a lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out for them: seafood, steaks, exotic deserts and free flowing beverages.

'Don't even ask' said St. Peter. 'This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. 'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?'

'That's the best part' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you
like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'

The old man pushed 'No gym to work out at?''

'Not unless you want to' was the answer.

'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'

'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'

The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your fucking bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!

8/19/08

The Aaron Report::- He's drafting a response to a motion for summary judgment. In other news, Candi and Aaron have no plans for tonight.

8/18/08

Phay - Fred and Linda have checked in on Ali and Michael:- They are well supplied. The have a battery powered lantern and toll house cookies. What more do you need to phend oph a storm!

Summertime:- Samantha is celebrating her first integer summer (1+ year old). Click here to watch as she plays on / raises the roof with her phriends.

8/16/08

PhunClub SOS:- Hurricane Phay set to hit South Phlorida!!! Phun Club Reporters Greb and Nesor [»-«²] send out desperate phlea for phelp!! Requesting all northern members to start phlapping their wings in an effort to push Phay phar away!

8/14/08

Today's Humor from Kahlman:- A Jewish man was sitting in Starbucks reading an Arab newspaper. A friend, who happened to be in the same store, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached him and said: "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?" Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspapers, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!"

8/13/08

Phred's Phindings:- Concerning the stolen police station toilet which left the cops with nothing to go on: Phred has learned the both Detective Bureau and Internal Investigation Bureau are on the case. The detectives have already identified a suspect, leaving them with a leg up.

Ken, Cub Reporter:- Scientist have discovered that time moves faster in China than the rest of the world. Chinese gymnastic team has confirmed this phenomenon when it was noted a 13 year old can circle the sun 16 times in 13 years. Truly amazing....and very lucky for the Chinese gymnastic team.

8/12/08

Tonoa Vail Interviews Samantha:- Fred and Linda have- to no avail -asked Samantha her views on Anthrax. When asked, she replies,

"Nokay--Papa and Ray-Ray (or is it Rae-Rae? We'll get back to you on this.) Otherwise, no news is good news.

8/11/08

Very exciting news--- I (Lisa) figured out Skype on my own. Harold seems to like it although will not admit it!

Eli's kicking leg is fine so watch out soccer ball. Sophie remains in love with Sean Kingston but luckily has given up on her Jamaican hairdo!

Hadley, on the state of Georgia:- I spent an interesting afternoon with a senior attorney from a Kiev Ukraine law firm who gave me detailed insight to the war in Georgia. I thought it was General Sherman's revisit to

Atlanta and expected Savannah to fall shortly, followed by Alabama

I guess I had the wrong State

On a serious note he gave me the history of the region as also the shrewd attack by the Russians who knew full well that President Bush is a lame duck president stretched to the hilt and out of the country. This war can become regional with severe implications. Those interested may call me to discuss. {For Hadley's phone number, call Bob)

8/10/08

First Article of the new editorial board:- Ken and Deb have nothing of any great interest to report today so we just wanted to say hi to all the Phun Club members.....HI       K an D

While the news staff of other organizations shrinks, The PhunClub is adding reporters. And you be the 'addees'.

Here's the plan. At least once a week, when you open your email, send an

article for the PhunClub News. We don't care about the topic. When submitted articles become too numerous to be published on a single day, they will be published on subsequent days, in the order of receipt.

B.T.W.: We are particularly interested in Maxwell's & Samantha's view of the anthrax investigation.

OK PhunClub members - you're on.

8/07/08

It's Come Down To This:- Bob got a haircut. Errr No... Bob cut his own hair in order to have some news to report. For reasons unbeknownst

to him, Bob thinks that the idea of butcherin.. ahhh .. cutting his own hair may have been a mistake. Well, he hasn't dated for a while anyway.

8/02/08

BasseBlast:- History will record that the city of Shegoygan was renamed when the families of Debbie, Barb, Lisa, Phyllis & Jane left the city. The girls assembled at Debbie's to commemorate the diaspora. Pics Here.

Cabana Boy Available:- Ken's recent career change seemed to be going well, until his clients left. We hope he'll be serving his famous Mai Tais when business picks up.

7/27/08

Phun Time:- Dinner at Keefer's (mmmm Chicken picata) to honor Ali & Michael's homecoming & subsequent re-escape. In attendance F&L, M&A, K&D, J&P (sans sammi) and B. After dinner, KD&B phound a new place, Gibson's, where we enjoyed 'fluids' outside on a perfect eve.

Pam's Potted Plants Perk Up:- Since Pam hopes to join Bob's anti-bottled water campaign, she's stopped using such unconsumed portions to water her plants. In turn, her plants rejoice at the prospect of water without phthalate and arsenic, but they will miss their olds friends, the HPC bacteria.

7/17/08

Hot Enuff 4 Ya? It's so hot... The Baptists aren't burning any books.
People are spilling McDonald's coffee in their laps to cool off.

Squirrels are leaving their nuts uncovered. A cornfield exploded.
Cows are giving evaporated milk. Trees are whistling for dogs.

7/16/08

Some years ago:- a letter addressed to someone got stuck to one addressed to me due to a prison screener's careless use of Scotch Tape. When I read the misdelivered letter, I decided to translate it for the intended addressee and send it off to her. To wit:

7/08/08

The Fourth Was Grand:- Children!

Here's a vid of Sammi helping Phred blow bubbles and chew phish.
Here's a pic of Maxwell teaching Ken how to use the toytoy.
Here's a bunch of Samantha pics

7/06/08

If Your Car Won't Start Tomorrow the Earth May Not Exist:- Word has leaked that the Large Hadron Collider, located in Cern Switzerland, will go on-line tomorrow. Some scientists say there's a low probability

(compared to your chance of winning the lottery) it will create a black hole or a deSitter space transition, ripping us and the Earth apart. The good news is; the bottom will fall out of the bottled water market.

7/03/08

K&D go to Saint Louis:- When they arrive, they plan to ask Saint Louis for permission to meet with Ben, Jill & Maxwell. We hope Debbie doesn't mind the walk. Fortunately for her, it's south (downhill) of Chicago.

F&L's Kids Return HP:- Celebrants at this year's July 4th will be the hosts, J,P & S and Bob. Of Note: The number of July 4th's celebrated by those in attendance will exceed the 232 celebrated by the nation.

7/01/08

Debbie Got Her Hair Done:- The moment we've awaited, has arrived.

Get Well:- Amy

6/30/08

Ya Want Cute & Cuddly From a Beast?:- Then, click here

Linda's Apology:- Accepted!
But hurry. I'd like to see Samantha before the Bat Mitzvah.

6/26/08

The Past 30 Years:-

1978	2008
Acid rock	Acid reflux
Hoping for a BMW	Hoping for a BM
Going to a new, hip joint	Getting a new hip joint
Rolling Stones	Kidney Stones
Disco	Costco

Our Next President?:-

Click here to learn more.

6/21/08

News I'm Tellin' Ya. We got NEWS! :- F&L's anniversary was celebrated at Morton's with meat & friends. In attendance: B,F,L,K&D.

Soooo....:- After the Celebration, we retired to F&L's where we discussed

the metaphisical nature of reality, the future of the Ottoman Empire, the possibility of Italy invading Etheopia, our good fortune in having wonderful leaders governing the nation, and if our corn fields will get enough rain.

6/17/08

This Day in History: 1962 America nukes Christmas Island
1965 America nukes Nevada

1972 The Watergate burglars are arrested.
2008 ... Were waiting ...

6/13/08

To Barb & Dave in Iowa:- The Chicago branch of the PhunClub is wishing you the best during this difficult time. Stay dry.

6/12/08

Sighting in NYC:- Linda and Fred ran into Geraldo Rivera in a small store on Madison Avenue. He revealed that he actually found Osama bin Laden hiding inside Al Capone's vault!

Is Ken's Column Kalfueye?- The Phunclub wants to know!

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

6/10/08
Vote for Nobody:- Nobody keeps promises. Nobody listens to you. Nobody will help you. Nobody cares. NOBODY tells the truth. If Nobody is elected, everything will be better.	Welcome Back:- F&L have returned from NYC. It was a two day effort to get home-but here we are. NYC was HOT but lots of fun.
6/08/08
The Rapture is Upon Us:- Everyone has disappeared. George Duhbya is (far) right. GeeeZZussss must have come and taken the worthy. Well, at least that will mean lower gas prices.	Ken's Story:- Just as Stuart Toromash's interest in the space-time continuum was described, our author may have slipped into another dimension. As Paul Harvey sorta says, "Now you don't know the rest of the story".
6/04/08
Dear PhunClub:- Is that a Cleveland Indian on the phun club page?	Answer:- Why yes... Take a close look!
6/01/08
The PC Literary Community Waits:- Did JFK send Jackie to Mars? Did WalMart go bankrupt? What's the capitol of N Dakota? Will we ever know?

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

5/29/08

This is a Test:- Who is the most well liked, nationally known, American? Click here, to send your answer.

Who in Mountain View:- We're getting visits from someone near Mountain View California. Does anyone know who it is? Click here

5/27/08

Ken's Column:- Now available in both condensed and full format.

Decoration Day BBQ at F&L:- Samatha said Hello to all. The weather was great. Attendees: K&D A&C F&L J,P and the delightful S

5/25/08

Perhaps, A Must Read:- So far, the editor has only scanned the article, but it seems to foretell the future of our Western Industrialized Civilization. The worst part is that the speech was delivered over a year ago; before fuel costs started going thru the roof. Oh well...

Message to 2nd & 3rd Generation PhunClub members:- Hey! Go clean up that mess we left you.

5/24/08

I'll give ya 2-bits for McCain:- Here and Here.

5/20/08

In retrospect:- Bob's joke about Senator Kennedy's hospitalization really sucked the big one. Shame on Leslie and Rick for thinking it was funny.

5/19/08

Linda Reports:- Pam was having trouble starting her car in Target's parking lot. She called AAA. Samantha wanted to play with the keys and pressed a button on the fob. The car started! Take all your car problems to Samantha -- it will save you loads of money!

More from Linda:- This just in from Denver: Leslie and Rick thought Bob's joke about Ted Kennedy was funny.

[Ed Note: For those unfamiliar with 'The Joke' - Senator Kennedy was hospitalized and is undergoing tests. He already flunked the driving portion.]

5/18/08

Ken's Column Starts Today:- The first sentence in the series has arrived.

Ken's Column:- It was the best of times; a time when all was right with the world. Click Here for the rest of the story... as it progresses.

5/11/08

Phred's Phavorite Phantasy Phlick:- Philmed phor phamous Pfred Click

5/09/08

"The PhunClub" is going to Da Moon:- Yeah, dat's right.
We're gonna rape Canaveral (whoever she is).
Neal Armstrong and José Jiménez got nutin on us.

Click here to see our travel papers

Click here, to go along for the ride .

5/08/08

Quick Report phrom 2 Phlorida Phun Club Members:- It’s hot. Really really hot. 24/7 live webcam of eggs cooking on street to air soon.

5/06/08

Ya Want News?-: I gothca news rite here.
The Judgment of Michael from on High:- Click here for the pic

Debbie's Back!:- Back Debbie
We Await a Report:- About Michael & Ali's Florida migration.

5/04/08

Ken, Rachel, Sammi, Jill, Leslie, Ali, Ben, Micah, Harold, Maxwell, Deb, Jonathan, Phred, Pam, Michael, Josh, Bob, Rick, Lisa Agree:-

A sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

We have Pics of Spring on the Moraine:- Click here

5/01/08

May Day:- May Day
Der Vasser?:- es bi Bremen Haben nif tif ganuga.

Deb Update:- Linda & the recuperating Debbie went for a short walk to enjoy the weather. Later today, Edna and Stephanie will arrive for lunch.

4/28/08

To Badd fer Use Guys:- in HP & RW, cuz down sout in my nayberhod it's gonna be BELOW FREEZING tonight. Eat your heart out Debbie!

Aaron's Gotta Website:- And it's a mighty nice one too. Currently, it's parked at: http://nixonbush.com/legalcrane/

4/26/08

US State Dept Evidently Wants to Join:- On April 21 the PhunClub site was visited by the US State Department. The visit did not result of an internet search, but rather was directly targeted, by entering our URL. Hmmm. We await America's 25.5 word essay. The visit's record is on right.

Visitor: sherman.state.gov	IP Address: 169.253.4.21
Date: 21 Apr, Mon, 15:10	Organization: U.S. Department of State
Continent: North America	Country: United States
State / Region: D.C	City: Washington

4/22/08

Michael and Ali Going on Road Trip:- On their way to Florida. The movers are coming tomorrow. They'll be at their new apartment in

about a week. Micheal is excited about starting law school. So, now the PhunClub membership in Florida will total four.

4/20/08

What's This Birthday Stuff All About?:- Well, for Linda, it's a get well wish, (it seems that both Driller Sisters are recuperating) and

HAPPY BIRTHDAY (we hope)

4/18/08

During Surgury Earlier This Week:- Five surgeons from big cities discussed who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York, said, "I like accountants because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, from Chicago, responds, "Yeah, you should try electricians!   Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, "I think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order".

But the fourth surgeon, from Washington, DC shut them all up by saying "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, no spine, and there head and ass are interchangeable.

4/17/08

Deb Returns:- All PhunClub members welcome her home. In an effort to assiduously adhere to her doctor's orders, she will not be opening his bill.

Sophie's Bat Mitzhah:- Click the image

to see the attendees.

4/15/08

It's Bob's Birthday:- After decades of preperation, he's celebrating at the presidential palace with his pants just a bit higher.

Honoring Bob's B-Day:- April declared Irritable Bowel Syndrome month.

Deb Update:- 11:17 AM ~ :-)

Meet Phren Cranberg:- He & twin brother Kred were spotted last weekend at Linda's B-Day party. Click here to see them morph in public.

4/14/08

Whose birthday is tomorrow?:- The shocking answer in tomorrow's news.

Linda's B-Day Party:- Held at Chicago's Captal Grill, we ate, we drank, we realized that the PhunClub's phounding phathers (& mothers) are no

longer the motive generation in society. [Bummer] Pics to follow.

Debbie's Rush to Presbyterianism:- She would have considered it earlier, but it was too hard to spell.

4/13/08

Denver Pyle Has Yet to Respond:- But, on the whole, our cast is great for our new TV series; Butties. Using a script by Fanny Brice, Ed Assner will do Bob with Leonardo DiCoprio playing Ken. Colin Powel will take the role

of Phred. William Shatner signed on as a grip, while Earl "loose shoes" Butts will supply the hot dogs. The series will have a science fiction motiff, taking place on Uranus with Howdy Doody directing. Music by Em Anenema.

4/09/08

O.M.G.!:- Hey Americans, lets go to the White House's Dick Cheney web page. See that picture of our smiling V.P., bedecked in cowboy hat and sunglasses? Hey, what's that, reflected in his sunglasses?

Federal Reserve & Bear / D&K & Bob:- When Bob's tickets to California disappeared with ATA's bankruptcy, K&D offered to bail him out with their miles to get him to his ex-brother-law's final memorial service.

4/05/08

Mazal Tov Sophie:- On your Bat Mizvah. You've made your family proud. And what's even more important, Crazy Bob is proud of you too. Pic here

4/03/08

A Very Special Thanks to the Republican 109th Congress & Duhbya:- They did it with the Healthy Forests Restoration Act, which lets loggers decimate our forests. They did it again with the Bankruptcy Abuse Prevention and Consumer Protection Act, which essentially lets firms file bankruptcy and keep money we paid them for undelivered products / services. Duhbya signed both into law but vetoed the Stem Cell Research Enhancement Act.

Why my uncharacteristic attack on Bush and his minions? Five days ago I booked a flight on ATA for myself, my sister and niece, for a California a memorial service. This morning, I awoke to find an email from ATA telling me they went backrupt; without even a note of appreciation for the $657 they took from me. But let's say I declared backruptcy while owing some corporation money... under Bush's law, I'd have to pay them anyway.

4/01/08

PhunClub to Accept Illegal Immigrants:- To stimulate news reports, our membership will include all air breathing mammals who can write.

Dengue Fever Decimates Recent Illegal Immigrant Members:- Our new members are unable to submit news stories while swatting mosquitoes.

3/27/08

Bob's Goin to California - Debbie had Her Nails Done - Linda's Havin a Birthday:- With so much commotion, what's the world coming to?

Bob Delighted With Recently Received Email:- " Subject: Dont announce that you are satisfy with your banana size. Your chick loves huge baby-maker but the problem is that you have small one Dont worry! You have astonishing XTRAZ CHANE to solve this trouble At present you can increase your baby-maker size You'll be a king of bed promptly" Whew, that's a load off!

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

3/22/08

PhunClub Relative to Decide Florida Primary Case:- Palm Beach Post

Appeals court hears Florida arguments

Tuesday, March 18, 2008 (truncated)

ATLANTA — A lawyer for the Democratic National Committee argued Monday that political party rules are not equivalent to government mandates.

DNC general counsel Joe Sandler told a three-judge panel of the 11th Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals that Victor DiMaio's constitutional rights were not violated when the committee stripped Florida of all 210 convention delegates.

"The strongest argument (we made) is the Supreme Court has long ruled that national political parties have a constitutional right to decide their method of choosing delegates," Sandler told reporters after the one-hour hearing.

It could be a month or more before a ruling is handed down.

DiMaio, sued the DNC after the party punished Florida for moving its 2008 presidential primary to Jan. 29, six days earlier than allowed. DiMaio said the action was unfair because Florida's Republican-controlled legislature picked the date over Democrats' objections.

Judge Stanley Marcus was most receptive to Steinberg's argument that Judge Richard Lazzara erred in declaring DiMaio lacked the standing to sue. Marcus also explored Steinberg's argument that the DNC violated the of the 14th Amendment by allowing other states to hold early primaries or caucuses.

During Sandler's 20 minutes before the bench, Marcus asked whether the DNC could set a primary schedule that had all small states going first, medium-sized states second and big states last. Sandler said it could.

Marcus asked. "Is there a constitutional problem with saying, 'We're only going to use certain states'?"

Judge Roger Vinson said the Supreme Court has held that primary elections are actions of the state, which would bolster DiMaio's case. Vinson asked Sandler what was different.

Those cases, Sandler replied, dealt with situations in which the winner of a primary election went straight to a state's ballot. That's not the case here. The Democratic nominee will be chosen at the national convention in August.

In his rebuttal, Steinberg said the Equal Protection Clause requires all groups to be treated equally and that had the DNC simply said every state must wait until after Feb. 5, no lawsuit would have resulted.

3/19/08

California News:- Bob's ex brother-in-law, Jeff, died yesterday evening.

If You Want to Sleep Tonight:- Don't watch this video

Hmmm...

3/18/08

Samantha Rocks:- video here.

Difficult:- I want to create a pun about a German philosopher, but Kant.

3/17/08

Thoughts on This Morning's National Economic Situation:- It's been said, timing is everything. Last February 14th, Eliot Spitzer wrote a column in the Washington Post titled 'Predatory Lender's Partner in Crime'. It was about how the Bush Administration prevented states from reigning in banks that were pumping out loans to consumers who'd likely be unable to repay them.

Did the Administration know a resulting finnancial meltdown was coming?

Did it want to prevent others from pointing a finger, like Spitzer did? What better way to do it than to make an example of him - the nail that sticks out, gets nailed down. I doubt other state governors / A.G.s will repeat Spitzer's claim. Sure, Spitzer broke the law, like many other elected officials do - every day. Last month Spitzer spoke out. Last week he was punished. And it was last week that the economic slide began in earnest. Timing is everything.

3/16/08

Deb & Ken Split!:- She's in CA watching some tennis thingy, while he's reading instructions on a box of pancake mix.

F&L Plan to See Samantha:- Arrangements are being made while Samantha's hair stylist works on perfecting her now-famous coiffure.

3/14/08

For Our Gold Members:- A new news pheature, pheaturing the cost of gold. 4/20/08 update- The gold thingy has been canceled:

3/10/08

Rochhester NY in December = The Destination Wedding:- Elliot Spitzer was tied up & couldn't be at Lisa & Gaston's wedding last December. But those in attendance had a great time. A few pics are here

3/07/08

F, L, K & D Leave St. Louis (and accept St. Paul):- They had a great time naming a baby & visiting with Ben, Jill, Maxwell, Paul & Terry.

Maurauders' Reunite:- And still can't find the bat bag. Pics Here

3/04/08

Samantha's 1st Birthday Party:-
Here we see The Birthday Girl selecting a color scheme for her room.

3/02/08

PhunClub Sojourns to Chicago:- The Queen of the Smile, a.k.a. Samantha, is having a birthday party. Attendees will arrive from far-away suburbs.

2/27/08

Ken's News Flash:- The President of Iran was wondering who to invade when his telephone rang.

'This is Mendel in Tel Aviv. We're officially declaring war on you!'

'How big is your army?' the president asked.

'There's me, my cousin Moishe, and our pinochle team!'

'I have a million in my army,' said the president.

'I'll call back!' said Mendel.

The next day he called. 'The var's still on!' Now a bulldozer, Goldblatt's tractor. Plus the canasta team!'

'I have 16,000 tanks, and my army is now two million.'

'Oy gevalt!', said Mendel. 'I'll call back.'

He phoned the next day. 'We're calling off the var'

'Why?'

'Well,' said Mendel, 'there's no way we can feed two million prisoners.'

Entertaining and Timely Video Concerning the Campaign:- Here

2/26/08

Proof! No News is Good News:- Yesterday, Bob's nephew Matt got home from school to find his father, Jeff, asleep in bed. When Matt couldn't wake him, he called his mother / Bob's sister. Marilynn told Matt to

shake Jeff awake, but nothing worked. Matt called 911. They instructed him in CPR while the ambulance was enroute. As of this writing (2 pm), Jeff remains in a coma at a hospital in California. Blood sugar: 30.

2/25/08

Click the Link and Scan Down... Way Down:- Here's the link

Nu? Anyone?:- Hellooo ... Any news out there?

2/24/08

Here's the News:- Bob made chicken soup. The chicken had no comment.

How Many Days / Hours Minutes Old Are You?:- Click here

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

2/20/08

McCain's Dirty Past Revealed:- Wire services will soon pick up the story that an unnamed female lobbyist (one who uses a popular tennis stroke) met with McCain at a gambling den. When called for comment, Debbie - err uhh - the lobbyist did not immediately respond.

2/18/08

Background on Yesterday's FLASH:-

K&D were at home, when Maxwell, Ben & Jill sent a live web-video broadcast from their home. That's when K&D saw Maxwell in his new shirt.

Congratulations Maxwell, on your first byline in the PhunClub News!

K&D's Report:-

Hi Everyone,
Thought you might like to see how Jill and Ben surprised us. All good things.

2/17/08

FLASH ! !
Maxwell Hears Someone say, "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou!":-
It's official. The word is out. Jill is pregnant.

Samantha's 1st Birthday Party:- The pics are here.
Jonathan's 30th & Shoshana:- The story's here. And yes, Hadley's right!
New Years:- This pic was missed due to an earlier technical glitch.

2/14/08

Happy (or in Bob's case; Huh?) Valentine's Day:- The celebration of St.Valentine's compulsion to buy stuff like candy, flowers, batteries and give it to members of the opposite sex with a note proclaiming love..

Soon after Valentine's untimely death, due to an STD, St. Hallmark succeeded in forcing us to purchase printed text on paper.

2/12/08

Dateline Riverwoods:- It's snowing! Ken p.s. and cold

Anndra at Bob's Palatial Palace:- while doing depos in DeKalb.

2/10/08

Jonathan's 30th B-Day Party:- was held at Chicago's Blue Water Grill. Dignataries, national & international, abounded at the feat. We had ya basic

F&L, K&D, H&E, M&A, J&P, B&S. The later met fortuitously, when she told Bob she'd take a picture of all of us. Love springs eternal.

2/09/08

DATELINE WARRENVILLE:- Ken's 61st birthday once again was a great surprise. What was thought to be a fun night out with the PhunClub turned out to be a mini-surprise pretty at Hugo's Frog Bar. The surprise (organized by Bob Linda, Fred and Deborah) was worked like a fine tuned violin. After getting to PhunClub center I simple said ,"let's get dinner" to which Deborah said, let's try Hugo's"!

Everyone agreed but we all thought it would be unlikely we would be able to get in. When we got there it appeared very crowded so Bob ran in while we all waited in the car. In a few seconds Bob returned and said that we had a table in 5 minutes. What a break!!! Dinner was great and at the end the waiters arrived with a dessert with a BD candle singing happy BD. The PhunClub executive board planned the entire evening. Note: This was Ken's entry typed directly into the PhunClub's lineotype.

2/8/08

Rain, Snow, Tinley Park, 12 hours of sunshine in February:- What are we doing here? There must be an upside. Yep! We can leave.

2/05/08

Rectum? She Almost Killed em!:- Our intrepid travelers had a moment of clarity in the last 6 miles of their 6,000 mile trip. Evidently, that carnival woman who ran the ride we barfed on, now drives a cab. While speeding K&D

home on I-94, the cabbie hit an icy spot and slammed on her brakes. The result was a tilt-a-whirl-like ride as they hurtled north. Fortunately, no traffic, ditch, or light pole was near enough to complicate the incident.

2/02/08

Ground Hog Day:- Named in honor of very large farms.

News:- We need it! Who has some?

1/30/08

Linda's Scoop:- Reporting on location, from the car - there is no news.

Linda's Commentary:- When asked to comment on her breaking news story, Linda said, "No news is good news." She then pulled into the garage.

1/29/08

K&D Battle Warmth:- The PhunClub's Northern Contingency urge our traveling cohorts to stay strong as they battle the assault of

sandy beaches and sunshine. We know they look forward to relaxing back in the ice chest of America

1/25/08

Happy Birtyday to a Spatial Someone:- Though he's gone to a much better place (it's minus7^o here now) we wish Ken a dandy day. Yeah right -

while we freeze! And, as a special gift, the Florence pics have finally been mounted here.

1/22/08

PhunClub News; The Born-Again Claxon:- Where do we rebegin?

¤ November 2007: Michael & Ali's Wedding:

Samantha reigns Wedding guests set afloat Leslie clicks away

S.O.B's & other friends Hang'n out Wedding parteeey

¤ New Years Eve 2007-2008 at K&D's: Though the singing could have been better, the evening could not be improved upon. pics.

¤ We extend our sympathy to the families of Debbie & Phyllis, at the loss of Tina

1/18/08

FLASH:- It seems the FTP problem that prevented PhunClub web updates, has been resolved.

11/11/07

Michael & Ali Wed with Phlorida Phun Phor All:- Whada trip! (In the fullest sense of the word.). It started, for this reporter, with a Phred & Linda dinner cruise, which included the best singers and original song anyone has ever heard. Then, Michael & Ali's wedding; with a great rabbi, mekhutonim, guests and of course, phenomenal Bride and Groom. The food, the band, the setting... what else... realllly nice. (Note: Bob's role as

"The Inebriant" was carried off with classic aplomb - making him a contender for this year's Umlaut Award.) The next day, we attended the Hadley-Edna, Ken-Deb, Mike-Steph brunch. And all in Perfect weather. Michael & Ali excelled as The Marriagees; handsome & beautiful (respectively). They are now living it up on a Caribbean island. The PhunClub extends their congratulations and best wishes to the happy couple. Pics to follow.

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

11/05/07

Ali and Michael reporting from Miami:- Initial reports state that we are looking at partly cloudy and 79 degrees. We can't wait to see

all of the PhunClub associates down in the next few days. The worker bees are hard at work preparing for this great event! See you soon.

10/25/07

Interesting News:- Michael's been accepted into law school.

10/23/07

Babe Root:- Phred woke at 3 AM today with an unbelievable toothache which required a root canal able to dock a small cruiser. His dental appointment was a 3 PM.

Advil saved most of the day, but the drive to the dentist covered a somewhat bumpy road that rootlessly vibrated his hypersensitive toothal area. At 8 PM he was feeling much better.

10/22/07

Ken & Deb's Anniversary:- Where does the time go? I'll tell ya where! To good times! Happy anniversay to K&D. A grateful PhunClub (as well as Ben, Jill,

Maxwell, Aaron, Paul, Terry, May, Tina, Carol, Danny - stop me before I name again - cousins, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles and the entire town of Sheboygan) applauds your 1973 decision.

10/21/07

Help needed with Translation Translation:- Bob has a computer registry warning that appears when he loads his I.E browser. So he figured he'd Google the text of the warning. He found only one site as a result - in Japanese. So he had it translated (see copy to the right). He now needs a translation of the translation. Can anyone help?

"You look too pale Crab do not meet standards. Your hair is too long snake impact destroyed idea lowly radio. You make good soup a new form of leadership shouting hold high grass, Humidity big!"

10/18/07

The Phlorence Picture Page:- It's almost ready.

Get-Out-of-Jail:- Senator Rockefeller wrote the legislation, passed today, giving telcos retroactive immunity for illegally giving our data to the Feds without warrant. Do not call his office (202) 224-6472 and ask:

"Is this the number I call to get retroactive immunity for past illegal acts?"

Which Presidential Candiate Should You Support?- Find out by clicking here and answering 25 Y/N/Maybe questions on various topics. After taking the test, email the result to this reporter.

10/16/07

Phlorida Phoray:- Phun Club members Linda, Fred, Debbie, Kenny, Lisa, Harold and Michael (the-groom-to-be) attended a shower for Ali (the soon-to-be-bride) in Florida. In spite of the shower stall's size, it was a phun weekend for all.

10/11/07

PhunClub's Return Brings Welcoming Throngs:- With Chicago police on hand for crowd control, O'Hare Airport was packed with onlookers as the PhunClub made its triumphant return from Europe. PC members toured Phlorencian art, phood and police phacilities while Ken & Phred deftly ground a clutch-plate to dust. Indeed, we Phound Phun in Phlorence. More pics here.

9/26/07

The PhunClub is Missing:- America waits with bait in its mouth, causing the dreaded baited breath, for news of our heroes' mysterious disappearance. Bill O'Reilly reports that space (or some other) aliens took them. Katie Curick will soon air a 1-hour special on the topic, where she will sit in front of a camera, saying nothing while looking perky. Dan Rather claims they went AWOL. The nation's confused concern caused G.W.Bush to take another vacation.

9/25/07

Dental Flash:- Samantha has a tooth.

9/24/07

Rambambino Retakes the Famous Leader Test:- (see Sept. 9th entry). Phred has phound time to phurther inquire into which phormer leader he is most like. The retake has solidified his position as Abraham Lincoln.

The test phound Phred to be a mild mannered assasination victim with a peacephul nature. He is good at mediating disputes, with the occassionnal exception of bloody civil wars.

9/20/07

PhunClub Prepares for Post Yom Kipper Migration:- Phounding PhunClub members look phorward phor a phun time in Phlorence.

9/18/07

Maxwell discovers something in Robbie's garden		Robbie approves

9/17/07

Press Release: Alison:- Anyone in need of a new lawyer? Congratulations go out to Ali for passing the Florida Bar! Rumor has it she didn't miss a single question...

O.J. Bob Coulda Needed a Lawyer:- Lana's daughter, Lisa, called Bob from Santiago to say she couldn't get hold of Lana; on her cell, at the office or at home for the past couple days. Bob offered to go to Glen Ellyn to check on Lana (Bob has Lana's house key). He saw Lana's car in the drive and entered the house, calling for Lana. Not knowing what he'd find, Bob picked up a butcher knife from the kitchen and searched the house.

While in her basement, Bob heard a car door close and went out to see if it was Lana. It was her, accompanied by her 'friend' Andrew. Lana saw the lights on in the house, thought there may be burglar inside and sees me walk out carrying a 10" knife. At that moment, Lisa calls Bob's cell. Bob gives the cell to Lana & tells Lana to answer it cuz it's Lisa. By this time, Lana's panicking, not having a clue as to what this was all about & why I was approaching her and Andrew (who's carrying a cello) with a knife. The whole thing blew over quickly, but Andrew said that, if Lana hadn't said 'Bob, what are you doing?' he whoulda TiChi'd our hero.

9/09/07

Chicago, Arlington Heights & Western Subs:- KDF&L slowly made there way to DT where they saw the Doors. Jim Morrison couldn't make it. They also Gibsoned (hopefully outside) on this beautiful day and did other 'stuff'. Bob showed houses in A.H and the western subs until he was done. Then he got undone.

Alright... Time's Up!:- As mentioned earlier, the Proctor has collected the Who's Who test. Here's the results .(Forged results are in green.) If a forgery victim wants to have his erzatz result changed, then take the test & let the editor know the result.

PhunClub Who's Who - Test

Ken: John Kennedy

Deb: Abraham Lincoln

Phred: Abraham Lincoln

Linda: Saddam’s Mother (but in a nice way)

Bob: Bill Clinton

Michael: Ghandi (but with better threads)

Jill: Judge Judy

Jonathan: Saddam Hussein (but in a nice way too)

Barb: Mother Teresa

Ali: Ethel Merman

Dave: Father Teresa

Ben: Ice T

Pam: Hillary Clinton

Samantha: Abe Lincoln

Maxwell: Earl Warren

Paul: Count Basie

Terry: Gil Hodges

Edna: Julia Child

Hadley: Allen Ginsberg

Aaron: Emile Zola

9/04/07

F&L Return:- Our Los Angeles bureau reports the trip was pleasant, the aircraft maintained schedule, L.A. is nondescript and they rode in a Rolls Royce. We await a report from Debbie or Aaron about their circumscribed 1-day visit with the Mohel People.

The PhunClub Who's Who Test:- The proctor will collect the PhunClub Who's Who (top right corner) test results next week. The results will then be posted on the site. Those who fail to complete the test will have there test results forged & mounted with the others. You've been warned!.

9/01/07

New Pics of Harris Pilton; or is it Samantha?:- You decide Click Here

8/31/07

Iowa Update:- Pics are on the net here

Josh & Rachel Love Micah:-

Ken examines Robby's Pumpkin:-

8/11/07

Presidential Race Heats Up:- Seeking the PhunClub's support in their presidential bid; candidates raced to Des Moines upon learning that a large contingent of PC members were meeting there. The photo below shows a leading stealth candidate asking Phantom Ken for the PhunClub's support.

8/02/07

By Jackie Mason:-

There may be those among you who support including Spanish as a national language. I for one am 110% against this! We must preserve the exclusivity and above all, the purity of English.

To all the nebbishes, putzes, shmucks and momzers pushing Spanish, I say that only English deserves linguistic prominence in our American culture.

To tell the truth, it makes me so farklempt, I'm fit to plotz.

This whole Spanish schmeer gets me broyges, especially when I hear these erstwhile mavens and luftmenschen kvetching about needing to learn Spanish.

What chutzpah!

These shmegeges can tout their shlock about the cultural and linguistic diversity of our country, but I'm not buying their shtick. It's all so much dreck.

I exhort you to be menshen about this. Stand up to their fardrayte arguments and meshugganah, farshtunkene assertions. It wouldn't be kosher to do anything else.

Remember, when all is said and done, we have English and they've got bubkes!

The whole mynseh is a pain in my tuchas!

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

8/01/07

Bad Shit: 0 - Good Stuff: 1 Lana's daughter Lisa came up from Santiago a couple weeks ago for her regular check-up in Boston. At that time, a 'spot' was noted on the MRI results. She had to stay in the States for the

biopsy and Lana flew out to Boston. Well, they did the procedure Monday and the pathology came back this afternoon. All was dandy. Lana & Lisa are celebrating.

7/29/07

Slackin' in Saugatuck: - Pics are here.

Fox News Claims Kennedy was Not Shot:- Blaiming conspiracy nuts and a liberal media for getting it wrong, Fox's Brit Hume (wearing a stained blue dress) reports Kennedy is now a paparazzi, snapping pics of Paris Hilton.

Rupert Murdoch Finalizes Negotiations to Buy PhunClub News:- Though PC News' advertising revenue has held steady over the years, Murdoch's offer of "Not a damn penny!" was rejected by the News' editor, Trebor Hsamlub. Trebor expressed concern that Murdock may turn the PC News into a yellow journalism rag. He prefers something in a pink taffeta.

7/13/07

Ken's Traffic Report:- I forgot to tell you what happened to me today on my way home from the office. I was stopped at a stop light and the car in back of me wasn't paying attention and hit my back bumper. His car was hardly moving so the bumpers just lightly touched.

So, I got out of the car and walk over to his car and this guy gets out and he is a fucking dwarf! He walks up to me and says, "I'm not happy!!" and I said, Well, if you're not Happy then which one are you?

6/27/07

Fred & Linda turn 37:- Click the pic

6/24/07

Ferris Buhler Feted:- Pics are here

6/22/07

Phellow PhunClubers Opt-Out Now:- Here's an easy way to stop credit card and insurance junk mail. Click here.

Business: It's Not About the Money:- Take a look at the video on the right. It's from a symposium put on by a Pittsburgh law firm, Cohen & Grigsby, giving advice to employers on how to legally avoid having to hire US computer programers; thus allowing American firms to hire cheaper foreign workers. More on this issue can be found here. It seems that, is some circumstances, America is the land of opportunity, as long as you're not from America.

6/21/07

Hey Kids, What Day is it?!!!-: It's Fred & Linda Day!
On behalf of GRoPE (the Grand Republic of PhunClub Entities), The PhunClub itself, through a vote of 3 in-favor and 2 in-absentia (an area of HP), congratulate them in breaking the Bob Barrier (some 2.5 decades ago) and wish the happy couple Joy. And if Joy gets tired of hanging around; send her to Bob's house.

A poem in honor of Linda and Fred's anniversary

Roses are red	Violets are blue
Fred works in GI	And Linda has been studying great books
Today is the first day of summer	And their anniversary too!
Happy anniversary! K and D

6/18/07

How Hot is It?- It's Soooo Hot!
Trees are whistling for the dogs.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
Pigs are sweating like fat humans.

Belt buckles become branding irons.
It only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
Cows are giving evaporated milk.
Debbie is not cold.

6/15/07

Bob's New Business Idea:- A store that would buy and sell used toys for children. The name will be KIDSEXCHANGE

Artists of the 60's revised their hits to accommodate baby boomers:-
They include:
Herman's Hermits-- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.
Ringo Starr-- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.
The Bee Gees-- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.

Johnny Cash-- I Can't See Clearly Now.
Paul Simon-- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
The Commodores-- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.
Leo Sayer-- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.
Abba-- Denture Queen.
Leslie Gore-- It' s My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.
Willie Nelson-- On the Commode Again

6/14/07

Tour d' Chicago:- Though we had intermittent freestyle 'seating problems' in our Ford, it transported the PhunClub from J,P &S's house to Mr. Bean's hangout in Millennium Park. From there, to the spritzing towers to watch kids flip out under and between the moisture makers. In honor of our arrival at

the out-door bar, a bartender tossed beer on Fred and bought us a round of drinks. Our chariot waited for us in its well appointed G1 stall and took us to the PhunClub phoodatorium (Gibson's) where a waiter was kind enough to give Bob his pill. Great friends - Great day - Great time. Pics to follow.

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

6/12/07

Don Herbert Died Today:- He was 89 years old and you may have regularly watched him on TV. He was 'Mr. Wizard'

Tomorrow is Ferris Buhler Day:- With Lisa & Harold in town, it's gonna be a good one.. as always.

6/10/07

The Louvre Waits:- Media reports are coming in that news of the PhunClub's Eve d' Art has reached the curators at The Louvre. We expect their acquisitions department to contact us at any moment.

Interesting:- Life in the 1500's
Most people married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good. But they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence our custom of brides carrying a bouquet.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house bathed first, then the sons and other men, then women and finally children. Last were the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence, Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water..

Houses had thatched roofs; thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying. It's raining cats and dogs.

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess a clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help! keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would slip outside. A piece of wood (a thresh hold) was placed in the entranceway.

They cooked with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They'd eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Thus; Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.

Sometimes they'd have pork. When visitors arrived, they'd hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

Due to small graveyards, folks would dig up coffins, take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they'd been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.

6/06/07

Crime Stopper:- Just discovered recording of the FBI's Commander Erskin. Listen in as he works to keep us safe from crime. Click here

Fred Submits:- This historic film of Ken Rocket and Dr. P. Namunda was found in a recently discovered Rambomb crater

6/04/07

Religion & pornography:- Bob read a direct marketing newsletter that said Google has a new service that tracks search trends. So he went to the site and entered the terms 'sex', 'telemarketing' and junk mail' to find the level of concern for junk mail/calls, relative to, what must be, the most popular search term. The surprise was, who was searching on the term 'sex'.

Go ahead, click here and enter SEX in the search box.

Is there a Doctor in the House?:- If so, he should read this article about more private lawsuits being brought against the medical field based on privacy issues - using HIPAA as a standard of care.

6/01/07

K&D head to F&L's While Bob Protests Gas Prices:- Battling torrential rains, K&D arrived at F&L's for a Pine Yard & a movie evening. Bob stayed home, in order to cripple the stock price of Exxon-Mobile.

No News is No News:- Our last news article of 5-days ago indicates the desperate need for more PC reporters to submit local / national / international / universal / metaphysical stories.

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

5/26/07

Dating Issues:- As you all know, Bob's been dateless for a while.
Perhaps its due to the lines he's used when he first meets a girl:
- "My last Internet date turned out to be an uncover cop."
- "I vowed not to let my urinary incontinence get in my way."
- "Do you rinse and reuse your dental floss too?"
- "Mind if we stop at the store? I'm almost out of Depends."
- "I think listening is so overrated as a skill, don't you?"

- "No, hot-tubbing might not be a good idea. The doctor said it spreads in water."
- "I have a friend who's attracted to farm animals. Do you think that's wrong?"
- "It was so nice to meet your daughter. She's hot for a 13-year-old."
- "I take long walks too! ... ever since my car was repossessed."
- "You know, I usually date beautiful women, but I figured, what the heck?"
- "Have you ever thought about wearing vertical stripes instead?"
- "I've never understood why it's unlawful for siblings to marry."

5/24/07

Our Sympathy:- To Paul and Jill at the loss of their mother / grandmother.

Bob's Dream Websites:- NixonBush He'll use it to sell his 30+ year-old Watergate Tapes collection on CD in preparation of Bush's leaving office.

5/20/07

Who Are You?- It's time we find all out who each of us are. Click here to take a quick test that will result in identifying which famous leader you are most like. The results are posted in the upper left of this page.

5/19/07

Boooring:- Yesterday's news was like ... well, yesterday's news. Boring! A PC member made the observation that it lacked a level of vigor needed to put it in the tabloid genre.

Last Night in Naperville:- At Hugo's, we had a Wait Person trainee. He did a pretty good job, though he looked a bit like Howdy Doody, or maybe someone else that we couldn't place. Today, K&D baby-sat Maxwell.

5/18/07

Linda Visited Debbie, Jill & Maxwell today:- Linda's also campaigning for alternative fuel due to high gas prices. Bob is the first PC adherent to her effort.

Kenny's Tire is Fixed:- He had a nail in it, causing a slow leak. So after a couple days of refilling he had it 'taken in'. Debbie was tasked with the job.

5/16/07

A Falwell Farewell:- He once said, "If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being." Now, since he is a failed human being, he's no longer a born-again Christian... making him what?

A: Dead B: Scientologist C: Liberal D: Better Off

Other recent deaths include:

5/16/07 Yolanda King, Martin Luther King Jr.'s eldest child, at 51
4/28/07 Jim Moran, 88, a billionaire car dealer
4/24/07 Warren E. Avis, placed the first car-rental counters at airports
4/21/07 Helen Walton, the widow of Wal-Mart founder Sam Walton
4/17/07 Pat Buckley, wife of writer William F. Buckley Jr.

5/14/07

Graduation Adulation for Alilation:- Nice weekend to report. Ali graduated from Northwestern. She received her JD. She was cheered on by her parents, her Aunt Sue, her in-laws-to be and beaming fiancé.

Pam celebrated her first Mother’s Day (at a brunch at the home of Hadley & Edna and later with Fred & Linda) with Jonathan and “special non-guest” aka Samantha. Linda thanks Samantha for a great first “Grammy Day”.

5/09/07

ID Theft Scam Alert:- A caller claims to be a jury coordinator, says you were sent a jury duty summons, that you didn't appear and you're about to be arrested. When you say you never got a summons, he asks for your Social Security number and date of birth so he can verify the info and cancel the arrest warrant. If you give this information you'll be a victim of identity theft. The scam's been reported in 11 states, including Illinois.

39% want Bush-Cheney Impeached:- Link to a conservative website.

Riddle:- You're in a car rounding a curve. An 18" drop-off is on your left. On your right, a fire engine. A galloping horse is in front, & a zebra follows you; all at the same speed. What to do - How can you get out of this dangerous situation? For the answer, click-drag your mouse between the stars.

*Get off the merry-go-round*

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

5/08/07

The Mama's & Papa's:- reunite to appear at the PhunClub website. (I think I fixed the link)

5/07/07

Barb-O-Gram Received:- Barb & Dave were evidently extracted successfully from the Chicago PhunClub / Builderburg Group meeting in Chicago. It was suggested that the newly reinstated members; Harold & Lisa, attend the next high level conclave.

Click Pic for larger view

5/06/07

Today's One Liner:- "When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick."

PhunClub Congress:- PhunClub members Fred, Linda, Ken, Deb, Jonathan, Pam, Samantha, Barb, Dave & Bob met at J&P's to discuss Samantha's current sleep schedule and its planned disruption within the month.

Samantha seemed oblivious to the discussion, as she boogied to Brahms.

Later this evening, on the way to Gibson's, Fred proclaimed that he'd see someone tonight that night. Showww 'nuff - he did; standing outside of Gibson's. Jill & Ben met us as we left for a movie & Larry David at F&L's.

5/04/07

Today's One Liner:- During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

Welcome Barb & Dave:- Remember, the Chicago Police are here to preserve disorder.

5/03/07

Today's One Liner:- You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

Bob's Anti-Bottled-Water Campaign:- Here's an authoritative site.
"Because phthalates are not chemically bound to the plastic polymer, they can easily migrate out."

The bottle releases its non-bound chemical components over time, into the water. So, the longer water sits in the bottle, the more chemicals from the plastic are in water.

And here's another site. "Last year the European Union banned phthalates in cosmetics sold there..."

My suggestion of re-using the bottle lessens the time the water has to acquire the poisons.

After all, how long does it take to ship the water to your grocery store, and how long does it sit on the shelve, absorbing plastic chemicals?

Reuse of the bottle minimizes that time - from weeks, to hours. So, it's safer to re-use water bottles than to buy the bottle with the water in it.

5/01/07

May Day! May Day!- ... Oh, never mind.
More pics of Jacob:- 4-wks; from Amy, Lorey, Jerry, Sindi. Click here!

Curtis Mayfield was Wrong:- But Fred sure was sick with a virus this weekend.

4/26/07

Happy Annivirthday:- Ben & Jill celebrate their 4th (Celery) Anniversary. Lana celebrates her 59th (Candle Wax) birthday. The PhunClub wishes them joy! What else happened today in history?

1721 - Smallpox vaccination 1st administrated
1941 - 1st organ at a baseball stadium (Chicago Cubs)
1986 - 4th reactor at Chernobyl explodes

4/25/07

Wazzamada? Gas Prices Too High?- A six-pack of 24-oz bottles of Aquifina water (156 ounces) costs $4.30; about 2.7 cents/oz. A gallon (128 ounces) of regular gas costs $3; about 2.3 cents/oz.

So, bottled water can cost about as much as gasoline.

Would you buy gas if you could get it free from a spigot in your garage?

Then, consider the polluting truck that schleps that water to your grocery store.

And the bottles (which are not biodegradable) are a petroleum product that pollutes the air during their manufacture.

Aquifina's water pours out of a city water faucet in Houston, goes through some sort of filter and into a bottle. The Natural Resource Defense Council web site says that your bottle of Aquifina has the following pollutants in it:

TTHMs(e) Chloroform BDCM(f) Phthalate(DEHP)
[Aquifina isn't unusual in it's pollutant content]

Drink up!

Someone Found This Page Via Google:- Somebody in NYC Googled "Save the Date for my Bar Mitzvah 2020!". This was a page Google linked to... and whoever it was - visited our site. Cool, H U H ?

4/22/07

Major Parties - General Phun - Private First Class Kicks:- It started with Rick & Leslie's arrival and Bob missing Linda's B-Day dinner

at 6:30 Friday night. Then, Samantha's party at F&L's on Saturday followed by Maxwell's 1st birthday party on Sunday.

4/20/07

Happy Birthday, Linda:- Here's a joke for you.

A blind man enters an all girls biker bar by mistake, sits at the bar stool and orders coffee. He yells to out, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar falls silent. The woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think -- given that you're blind -- you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

      2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
      3. I'm a 6 footl, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
      4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde professional weightlifter.
      5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
   Now, think about it Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No..
not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

4/19/07

Jacob Ryan at 14 (days):- click here for pics

And More Proof:- "How, pundits asked, can a moronic sword’n’sandals romp such as 300 make $400 million at the box office, while a smart cine-literate action parody such as Grindhouse completely dies?"

Here's a link to the originating website.
What it should read: How, pundits asked, can a moronic sword’n’sandals romp such as 300, make $400 million at the box office, while a smart cine-literate action parody such as Grindhouse, completely die~?

4/18/07

More Proof of Disappearance:- After reading the text from a news report (on the left), tell me; who scrambled to the scene with stones?

"Down with Maliki! Where is the security plan? We are not protected by this plan," they shouted as an angry mob pelted Iraqi and American soldiers who scrambled to the scene with stones.

4/16/07

Oy; Wadaburfdae:- Yeah, Bob got drunk. Yeah, he made a goofy statement to someone at the gas station. Yeah, he forgot he ate dinner. But so what. It was great. Bob thanks the PhunClub for his burfdae present... everything.

Proof Readers at Major Media Outlets Disappear:- Evidently, the Tribulation is upon us. Bob has recently noticed significant gramatical and

factual errors in the media. Here are two that occured during radio broadcasts today:

-	Someone referred to reporter Bob Woodward, as the late Bob Woodward.
-	A newscaster described Charles Whitman, the guy who killed 15 people, shooting from a tower at the U of Texas, as a Mexican.

4/11/07

PhunClub Personality Profile Test:- To gain insight into your psychological motivations, a test is offered. Your answer will reveal much about your innermost (and often unspoken) desires. Here's the test:
A table is set with four types of fruit. Which fruit will you choose? Think carefully and don't rush into it.

A. Apple

B. Banana

C. Strawberry

D. Peach

Your choice reveals a lot about you! If you chose:
A. Apple: That means you like apples
B. Banana: That means you like bananas
C. Strawberry: That means you like strawberries
D. Peach: That means you like peaches
If you chose none, then ask yourself - why you don't support our troops.

4/10/07

Driller Sisters Awarded a Grammy:- Since both are grandmothers, the PhunClub has given them a statue of a soiled diapers.

New Pictures of Maxwell:- Composed while composing.

4/06/07

Bob Now has Many Names :- Mr. Stu Ped got sucked in real good. He's listening to Air America Radio and hears someone commenting on Cheney's remarks at a Camp LeJuene speech to the Marines - that the White House is investigating the idea of ignoring the 22nd Amendment. So Mr. I M Bissell gets on the net & Googles for confirmation -

and finds it on the New York Times web site ... or so he thinks.

"Holy Crap!", Mr. Hafwit exclaims to Linda, Debbie, his sister and anyone else that'll listen, "Bush is gonna trash the country!" After proclaiming his vigilance in protecting the nation, he notices the date of the article; April 1st, and that the web site spells its domain name NewYourkeTimes. Mr. Wada Shmuk, signing off.

4/05/07

Big News:- F&L are back from Japan!!! Oh, you knew that? Well, I guess that proves that fourteen hours makes a BIG time difference.

Ken's Birthday Approaching:- On April 20th, Ken will be 22,000 days old.

4/04/07

Bush Visits the Queen:- and asks about her leadership philosophy. She says it's to surround herself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions. Allow me to demonstrate."

The Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush returns to Washington and asks the Ranking Member of the Subcommittee on Defense, Ted Stevens, the same question.

Stevens hems and haws and says, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"

Bush agrees, and Stevens leaves to ponder. In desperation, Stevens calls Russ Feingold about his problem. "I've been searching the Intertubes for an answer, but can't find it. So here's the question. Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Feinglod answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Stevens rushes to the White House, finds Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Russ Feingold!"

Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Tony Blair!"

4/03/07

Seder at K&D's:- Just like Old Times for this writer; when I attended at Aunt Sally & Uncle Lou's two-flat in West Rogers Park, where they & Aunt Esther, Uncle Sam & Bubbie lived - bringing back memories of youth and extended family. Deb did it up just right & Chuck's horseradish gave us new nostrils. Ken lead the Seder

and offered wonderful commentary on how it was a fabric in itself, integral to the enduring past, present and future of our people.

Test Your Reflexes then Send in Your Scores:- Bob managed to get to the Bobbing Bobcat level (seems fitting I spose). Click here to see how you do.

4/02/07

Six more Passover Questions:-

Q: What medical condition results from eating chopped liver and charoses?
A: Charoses of the Liver.

Q: If a doctor carries a black bag, what does a mohel carry?
A: A bris kit.

Q: What medical condition results from a wearing a 3-pound chai?
A: A chaiatal hernia!

Q: What is a Middle East skin disease?
A: Midrash

Q: What do you call steaks ordered by 10 Jews?
A: Filet Minyan

Q: What's the brand name of whole wheat and bran matzoh, fortified with Metamucil?
A: "Let My People Go."

4/01/07

Pi found to be wrong:- The March 2007 issue of Scientific American has an article claiming that the value of the mathematical constant pi is and always should have been 3.1386. Amazing!

3/28/07

Jerry & Sindi's Grandson:-
Born 3/26/07 Jacob Ryan.
Click for pic

Bob Passes
his Geometry
Test:-

Fred at a baseball
game in Japan:-

The score was
12-7-1941

3/26/07

Update - Jonathan Reports:- P’s are okay they didn’t even feel the quake.

Unreasonable Concern-Driven Request:- Ok... So there was an earthquake in Japan. F&L happen to be in Japan. F&L haven't reported back to the Phunclub, from Japan. Thus, F&L must not have been affected by the earthquake. We ask F&L to confirm same.

Today's Joke:- In the late 1930s Moisha fled Germany, selling his assets and converted them to gold. He then had 5 sets of gold false teeth made.

The customs official said, "That accounts for 2-sets. What about the other 3?"

Moisha said "Vell vee Orthodox Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious I have separate teeth for meat and dairy.

The official then said, "That accounts for four sets. What about the fifth set?"

When he got to New York customs was perplexed.. Why would anyone have 5 sets of gold teeth. So Moisha explained.

"Vell to tell you the truth, once in a while I like a ham sandwich.

Save the Date:- Movie Screening "The Power of Nightmares" Naperville Friday - April 13th at 7:30 - And it's free.

3/25/07

WARNING WARNING WARNING:- Do Not; I repeat DO NOT see the movie, 300. It not only sucks - it's actually painful to sit through.

Today's Joke:- Aaron submits® So a husband and wife are lying in bed together when the wife turns to her husband and says "I can make you happy

and sad at the time." The husband responds, "Oh yeah, how?" The wife replies, "You have a bigger penis than your brother!"

F&L:- We await your report from Pine Yard Central.
B.T.W. Have you seen any delicatessens there?

3/22/07

F&L Soon to enter Time Machine:- Given that:
The speed of light = 186,000 miles per second
The distance from Chicago to Japan = 6,487 miles
6,487 miles / 186,000 mps = .035 seconds

8 days in Japan = 691,200 seconds
691,200 seconds / .035 seconds = 19,818,591
Thus both F&L will return 8 days older.
Solved; the mystery of time travel

3/21/07

Happy First-Full-Day-of-Spring:- Well, alright. So what if it's raining?

So... like you're looking for a new dining room table?- Then ya gotta see this one. Click here

K&D Return from Tennisylvania:- Yes; they were both there to watch Krazmutch Vatrilopianich and Osminoc Hyperventelatetinovski whack their balls across a net. Pics are here

3/15/07

What did we learn this Week :- Alberto Gonzales may soon be replaced. The House of Reps voted (333-93) to nullify Bush's order to allow his papers to remain secret indefinitely. Valerie Plame testifies tomorrow. Administration e-mails show Karl Rove was involved in US Attorney firings. We've lost 3,203 troops in Iraq, so far. FBI agents have demanded personal info without authorization, improperly obtained phone records,

and for 3-years under reported how often they used security letters to force businesses to turn over customer information. Republican Senator Chuck Hagel said "Before this is over, you might see calls for [Bush's] impeachment." {Sorry, but sometimes I gotta vent}

At one time, it was easy for folks to enjoy unbridled patriotism.

3/12/07

A Night at Samantha's:- New pics are here!

3/09/07

A Night in Riverwoods:- Debby V accompanied Bob to K&D's where F&L braved the fog to arrive about an hour earlier. During our executive meeting, Fred tried to aspirate an M&M while laughing about issues surrounding Bob's explanation of his new URL - upah.us. There was also the challenge of dealing with the sandwich that Debbie C described... with mustard sauce.

New Pic of Judge Maxwell:- To the right, Hizzonor is seen practicing his stare-down for use on wayward litigants. He looks forward to having D&L decorate his future chambers at: 219 South Dearborn. And... oh yes, Maximum Maxwell intends to clean out the Cook County Republican Machine.

3/07/07

3/06/07

Today's Joke:- A priest, a minister, and a rabbi are discussing what they would like people to say after they die and their bodies are on display.

Priest: I would like someone to say "He was a righteous, honest man."

Minister: I would like someone to say "He was very kind and fair, and he was very good to his parishioners."

Rabbi: I would want someone to say "Look, he's moving."

3/05/07

Today's Joke:- Yeshiva University decided to field a crew team. Sadly, they lost every race. They practiced daily for hours, but always came in dead last.

The Rosh Yeshiva decided to send Yankel to spy on the Harvard team. He shlepped to Cambridge, where he watched the Harvard team practice.

Yankel finally returned to Yeshiva. "I have figured out their secret," he announced.

"They have eight guys rowing and only one guy shouting."

3/04/07

Special !! From our roving reporter, Paul:- recently visited Katrina damaged New Orleans, and reports widespread devastation still exists. The city is now just a shell of its former self, with the population down by one half. During the drive from the airport to the French Quarter, I witnessed mile after mile of deserted buildings with thousands of FEMA trailers, purchased with your tax dollars. The Quarter, which was not damaged by the floods, is struggling to rebound, in the face of decreased

tourism and increased crime. All the while, the Dishonorable Mayor Nagin is doing what he does best---complaining to everyone who will listen and blaming the Federal Government for his problems. On the bright side, I witnessed tens of thousands of crazy people drinking heavily and fighting (and doing other things) for beads during the Mardi Gras celebration. In spite of all their problems, the people of New Orleans will not miss an opportunity to party.

3/02/07

Marauders semi-annual Reunion:- For pics click here

2/28/07

You can have your cake and eat it too:- For next Thursday I am planning on making a chocolate brownie cake in honor of Stephanie Levy's Birthday. I saw Emeril make it and I liked the name. It has two layers. I'll be frosting the cake with a chocolate creamcheese frosting.

In addition I'm thinking about sprinkling mini chocolate chips on top. I'd like to add some walnuts on top too but I know some people don't like their nuts crushed. So I guess I'll just forget about it. Add a couple of candles and we're good to go. Debbie

2/27/07

It's Time for News:- What are newspapers complaining about? They say they're loosing readership to the Internet. Well, the PhunClub News is, by definition, an Internet news site; and I don't have any news to report. We need news from our reporters at large. Now get to it. That means you too, Paul. You were in New Orleans, right? We need a report. Ben & Jill, this site needs a new pic of Maxwell. Send one with an update.

Ken, let's see a few words about your Purim preperations. Fred & Linda, what's up with Samantha. Debbie, what's your next baking project? Michael (I know you stop by this page), now that you and Ali are engaged, when you two go out, do you consider it a 'date'? Pam & Jonathan are excused due to other responsibilities. Aaron, will you be defending Cheney when he's impeached? And everyone, write something for the PhunClub Constitution.

2/26/07

Samantha pics page:- updated

Today's joke:- Moshe Moskovitz complains to a friend that he couldn't join the Grosse Point Golf Club. "I don't understand." he said, "I told them my name and dat I vanted to join their club."

"Moshe," his friend says, "The club's restricted. They won't let Jews join."

But Moshe really wants to join. So he takes speech lessons, learns about boats, and tries to eat corned beef on white with lettuce and mayonnaise.

A year later, he goes to the club, wearing a conservative 3-piece suit and a copy of the Wall Street Journal in hand. The doorman lets him see the club's manager. The manager says, "May I help you, sir?"

"Yes," Moshe replies in a clipped New England accent, "I am here to inquire about membership to your esteemed establishment."

"What is your name?" asks the manager. Moshe replies, "My name is Winthrop van Horton the Third."

He's asked, "Where do you live?" "Why, Maine of course," replies Moshe.

"What is your income?" asks the manager. "My wealth is something I never discuss with strangers," replies Moshe, "but I don't mind telling you that I own skyscrapers in Manhattan, and three factories in New Jersey."

"Just one more question before you become a member," says the manager. "What is your religious affiliation?"

Moshe's pride swells at the thought of becoming a member as he says....

"I am a Goy!"

2/23/07

Now at a Theater Near (in fact, right in front of) You:- Click Here
Relative Statements of Samatha's Relatives. A docudrama filmed on-location. Note: Download and keep the videos you want. Mr.Webmaster has to conserve space - so, they'll be taken off line soon.

Thank you for the wonderful clips of Samantha”s first hour. I think they will absolutely have to be used for her photo montage at her Bat Mitzvah! This was a really special keepsake! By the way, all the Phunclub members should “Save the Date” for Samantha’s Bat Mitzvah. It will be Feb of 2020! Linda

2/22/07

Lisa Approves:- It is with great family pride that we approve the Letween application for the phun club. Due to the latest vote however I will now limit my responses to only a few words. Lisa

What Lisa Did Not Say:- The propensity of the U.S. to avoid the metric system is ridiculous. I'm tired of E.U. nations rightfully labeling Americans as anit-metricists. We're not metric-phobes. Metrics are numbers too!

2/20/07

Samantha Day (February 16th) in history:-
1948 1st newsreel telecast, "Movietone News" shown on NBC
1950 Longest-running game show, "What's My Line" begins
1959 Fidel Castro named himself Cuba's premier
1978 1st Computer Bulletin Board System (CBBS, Chicago)
1903   Edgar Bergen, Chicago IL, ventriloquist
1909   Hugh Beaumont, Lawrence KS, actor (Ward Cleaver)
1935   Sonny Bono, Detroit MI, singer (Sonny & Cher)
1942   Kim Chong-Il, President of North-Korea
1959   John P McEnroe, tennis player

Maxwell Day (April 23rd) in history:-
1564   William Shakespeare
1791   James Buchanan, 15th US President (1857-61)
1858   Max Ludwig Planck, German physicist
1891   Sergey Prokofiev, Ukraine, composer
1936   Roy Orbison, Vernon TX
1944   Sandra Dee, Bayonne NJ, actress (Gidget)
1939 Ted Williams hits his 1st homerun
1956 US Supreme court ends race segregation on buses
1996 Howard Stern Radio Show premieres (Reno, NV)

2/16/07

Pam Watch - Pam is no longer pregnant!- We have beautiful Samantha Grace R... . We all like the sound of Samantha Grace C...! You never know! Kenny, Debbie and Bob loyally ( and excitedly) represented the PhunClub at the birth and may at some point present Samantha with the official PhunClub tiara. Maxwell will retain the PhunClub golden scepter

(and he’s doing a fine job).

Baby Samantha was born weighing in at 6lb.10 oz and is 19 ½ long. Congratulations to the new Mom and Dad!   L

Click for Pics

Hooray for the Mitzvahmobile

2/14/07

Pam Watch:- Pam is still pregnant -- L
Bob Watch:- Bob is still not pregnant -- B
Watch Watch:- 2:27 PM c.s.t. -- H.G.Wells
Kvetch Watch:- I tried phone sex - It gave me an ear infection. -- Glortz

Happy Valentine's Day to
all PhunClub Members
(shhh...especially Lisa)

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

2/12/07

Pam Watch:- Pam is still pregnant -- L

Linda Watch:- Linda lacks loquatiousness -- B

2/11/07

Pam Watch:- Pam is still pregnant -- L
Jill Watch:- Jill has a cold -- K
Bob Watch:- Bob is getting another cold sore -- B

Today's Joke:- A bee flew to a bar Mitzvah in order to feast on the flowers there. He wore a yarmulke because he didn't want the attendees to think he was a Wasp.

2/09/07

Your report on Moraine:- Bob asked me to send some news about Pam.
Pam is still pregnant. --L

What's the Secret to Great Chicken Noodle Soup?:- The best answer gets a special free gift at no charge with a money-back guarantee.

2/04/07

Today's Words of Wisdom:- You can't teach an old dog new ... math.
It's always darkest before ... Daylight Savings time.

Strike while the ... Bug is close.
Don't bite the hand that ... looks dirty.

2/03/07

Fred Tells the Worst Joke Ever Heard:- Linda and Bob don't know where it came from, but while Bob was visiting F&L last night, Fred suddenly came up with his version of a funny story. We can't remember what it was about, but Fred sure thought it was funny. When he finnished, he got the Golden Hook

Award. We then watched The History of Violence on the tube. A movie Fred insisted on and then promply fell asleep.

Pam Has a Cold:- In honor of global warming, Pam caught a cold. President Bush, through his spokesman Tony Snowjob, denies he threw it.

1/30/07

F & L Return / K & D Missing / Bob Still Here:- While K & D walk the Caribbean beaches, searching for themselves, F & L returned from their successful attack on Fort Lauderdale. Accompanied by the AliMichael strike force, the November Machatunim brigade joined them as they entered the surrendered fort. Meanwhile, back at home base, Bob fought off a third wave of Martians who tried to fly his washing machine to Uranus.

Today's Joke:- Three women, two younger and one senior were naked in the sauna when there was a beeping sound.

One young woman pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. "That was my beeper" she said, "I have a microchip in my arm.

Moments later, a phone rang. The other young woman put her palm to her ear and spoke into her wrist. When she finnished, she explained that she had a microcell phone implanted in her hand.

The older woman felt low tech. So, she left the sauna and returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging out of her ass. The younger women stared at her.

The older woman finally said... "Well, will you look at that? I'm gettig a fax."

1/24/07

Today's Joke:- Every day at noon, the Czar rides in his carriage to Parliament, which is 3-blocks from his palace. Two Jewish anarchists decide to assassinate the Czar when he arrives at the Parliament building.

The assassins position themselves near the entrance and wait... at 12:30 the Czar still hasn't arrived.

One assassin turns to the other and says, "I hope nothing happened to him."

1/22/07

Today's Joke:- It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude, the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations"

He began swinging the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, ..."

Mesmerized, the crowd followed the watch swaying back and forth, until, suddenly, it slipped from Claude's fingers and shattered on the floor, into a hundred pieces.

"SHIT" said the Hypnotist... It took three days to clean up the Senior Center

1/21/07

Ken's Surprise Party Pics are in:- click here

Bush's Upcoming State of the Union:- Who cares?

1/20/07

From the Abyss:- Last night, while Kenny was exiting an unfamiliar driveway which leads to his 2-car attached garage, he drove off the driveway's embankment. No one was injured as a result, though the Briskman Brothers did stop by to give us their cards as we exited the vehicle. The auto was where it was for the night, hoping that daylight would assist in planning its salvage.

The following is Kenny's account of the next morning's epic salvage operation:

At first light, braving the elements, I ventured out to inspect the wreckage of our motor vehicle which had plunged into the great abyss of our driveway. Cold, tired from a night of wine, woman and song, I carefully made my way to the sight of the previous night's accident.....oooh the humanity of it all! I carefully inspected the precariously dangling vehicle.

If only I had super-human powers I would will the trapped behemoth back onto the drive way, but alas, I am just a mortal man. I carefully entered the mired vehicle and started the cold engine; it whined like an ensnared lion. I carefully put the vehicle in reverse and creeped backwards ever so slowly. The cold hard snow crunched and squeaked under the weight of the massive tires. Creeping creeping creeping until I was at the end of the driveway. It was an arduous task that must have taken what seemed like an eternity. My hand was then guided by an unknowable and irresistible force. It gently moved the gear shift into the forward mode, the engine purred, my right foot slowly pressed the accelerator and almost like magic I was safely back on the driveway.

As I now reflect on the event, I have come to realize that, that .... this is so hard to put in words. I guess what I am trying to say is that ... it was no big fucking deal. Alas, all's well that ends well.

1/18/07

Our New Dictionary of Un-Dirty Words is Now Ready for Member Appending:-

3½ inch floppy
Peacock
Pussyfoot
Kumquat
Cocktail
Bangalore
Dick Daley

Manhole
Angina
Moist
Bangkok
Dilly-Dally
Dick Butkiss

Woodpecker
Woody
Tenderloin
Stool
Nuts
Suck up
Bush

Ding Dong
Jack in the Box
Cock Robin
Cock Fight
Cock Around
Dick Phailin

Pianist
Dictator
Sourpuss
Cock a Doodle Do
Lake Tittycaca
Breast Stroke
Dick Devine

1/17/07

From the Marauder Files:- B.C., Richey & BB happened to be chatting a couple days ago, when we decided to try and find Tucker. With all three of us on one line, BB used a 2nd line to conference in other numbers that appeared in http://411.com , under Tucker's last name.

We talked to a couple people, telling them to have Tucker call BB. Then, last night, Tucker called. He's still in the area and said he often thinks of 'the old days'. Also, he wants to join in on the next Marauder reunion.

1/14/07

Kenny's Surprise Party!!!:- What a night! The surprise came off without a hitch, thanks to Jill, Debbie, The PhunClub and everyone else in attendance. Upon his first entering the party room at Gibson's, Ken said his initial serial recognition of so many friends and relatives created a sense of confusion ... until we all hollered S U R P R I S E !

Then, the drinks, the food (

)meat meat meat meat) the speeches / anecdotes / presentations, and mingling with old friends. It was great. A fine time was had by all. But the best part was having Ken as the guest of honor
Pics soon to come.

1/12/07

Dear Loyal Subject:- Please take note of the shabby appearance of my new presidential library. Donations for rehabilitation are now being accepted! Ken

1/10/07

Letter to the Editor:- Is no news good news? What’s going on here? Where’s the reporter on the beat? These questions have been troubling me. Linda

Ken White House Message:- President Bush, knowing that Ken's birthday is fast approaching, invited Ken to the White House so that he could speak to the nation and the world. The theme of Ken's speech was, "I Rock", which he repeatedly claimed throughout his presentaion. The nation agrees: Ken Rocks!

1/04/07

Got Gas?:- Here's a link to a site where you can get the latest prices at stations near you.

1/01/07

Welcome 2007:- The PhunClub met in executive session at K&D's with Mike, Peggy & Nancy. Coincidentally, after dandy dining on finger food and excotic drink (by Ken) we suddenly noticed the year had changed.

The next day, Linda called in sick, so we stayed at party central with the addition of the 'the kids' (now approaching their 40's).
Click here for the pics.

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

12/29/06

Bob Declares Himself the Rock/Paper/Scissors contest Winner:-
The PhunClub unananimously congratulations Bob for his skillful execution of

the classic Spassky Rocksoff Stratagem in sweeping the series. He'll now enter the National Beanbag/Waterbaloon/Shotgun finals; to be held in Detroit.

11/21/06

Amendment Vote Received:- The great village of Riverwoods casts one vote for Linda Rosenberg! Ken

11/20/06

Ben's entry at: 11/20/06 08:08:17 -0600
Michael's entry at:- 11/20/06 14:50:01 +0000
Pam's entry at: 11/20/06 07:53:05 -0800 (PST)
Phred's entry at: 11/20/06 13:57:00 -0600

- Linda Calls For A VOTE -

To the Rockmeister in charge:- I would like to protest! I feel that Debbie and I are still in a tie and our round is not complete. I suggest no one play Rock Paper Scissors until this issue is resolved. ... Linda

11/19/06

Round 1 Winners Lauded / Winers Consoled:- Congrats to our initial winners. Too bad,... LOOSERS.

11/16/06

Richy Trombino's entry at:- 11/16/06 12:03 PM
Jessica's (Bob's secretary) entry at:- 11/16/06 3:46 PM

Lisa's entry at:- 11/16/06 5 PM (Unchallenged = Winner)

11/15/06

Debbie's 2nd entry at:- 11/15/06 00:01:11 -0600
Linda's 2nd entry at:- 11/15/06 12:03:30 -0600

Tie - Play again

Dave's entry at:- 11/15/06 19:18:58 -0600
Linda's 3rd entry at:- 11/1506 21:51:15 -0600

Ali Says:- "Bob, I just wanted to let you know that you won, not me. But we could add a new rule, if you choose the paper made of steel, which I did, then you win against scissors."

Linda says:- "My rock is made of super kryptonite and will beat any
ordinary rock"

Jonathan says:- "Voting Irregularities - Why is it you only won the contest yesterday if your name started with a P, A, or B??? Is the PhunClub using the same Diebold voting machines the Republicans planted before the election? Don't make me take my business to PhunClub.com !"
(Editor's Note: What is he talking about?)

11/14/06

Today's Top Story:- Bob's tuxedo's former owner awarded $7 Million because someone made him feel bad. Details

Pam's Entry at:- 11/14/06 07:00:34 -0800 (PST)
Jill's Entry at:- 11/14/0608:16:25 -0600

Michael's entry at:- 11/14/06 18:53:39 +0000
Aaron's entry at:- 11/14/06 11:26:03 -0800 (PST)

Barb's entry at:- 11/14/06   16:13:46 -0600
Jonathan's entry at:- 11/14/06 16:51:58 -0600

Paul's entry at:- 11/14/06   20:04:34 EST
Ben's entry at:- 11/14/06 20:54:19 -0600

Bob's entry at: - 14 Nov 2006 21:06:42 -0600
Ali's entry at:- 14 Nov 2006 21:12:01 -0600

Linda's entry at:- 11/14/06 22:11:46 -0600
Debbie's entry at:- 11/15/06 00:01:11 -0600

Tie - Play again

11/13/06

Rock / Paper / Scissors Contest:- Here are the rules. Each member gets one chance during the first round to send an email with the letter R P or S in the body of the message. The Subject of the email will be "CONTEST". Each contest entrant will be paired against the entrant who next sends their R P or S. The first round will close next Sunday night.

After that, the winners go to Round Two and so forth, until we have a champion. The contest is open to ALL PhunClub members and affiliates.

Phred Phirst to Phormulate at:- 11/13/06 18:37:02 -0600
Ken Wins Against Phred at:- 11/13/06 20:41:20 -0600

11/12/06

The Wedding was a Smash Hit:- The stars were out last night in Oakbrook as an assembly of altacockers gathered to celebrate Brian & Megan's wedding. Aside from the Royal PhunClub phounders in attendance,

Jerry was there and others who haven't been seen in decades. This reporter observed that, aside from the wedding party itself, the best looking attendees were the PhunClub. The pics are here.

11/09/06

Ken's Constitutional Article Raises Membership Standards & Roman Numerology Concerns:- Moses, Julius Cesaer and Elizabeth Taylor: banned from membership. Also, Ken got a head of himself in his numbering.

The PhunClub News Now Accepts Advertising:- As readership grows, we will leverage that growth with advertising revenue. Our first ad will appear as soon as we get one. Rates = $1 per insertion/day/3-lines/half-column.

11/08/06

Ken Points Out our Constitutionlessness:- "Why must Michael apply?
I thought he'd get in cuz of secondogeniture! We better check the PhunClub constitution before we stumble into a constutional crisis."

A Constitutional Convention is called:- Click here to add your tupence.

Ken's Point of Order:- Prior to writing any aspects of our constitution I feel it imperative that a constitutional convention be convened to discuss the weighty issues
of a what goes into such an important document.

How Revolting:- Dear Bob, Fred and I will suspend our membership in the Phun Club unless we are assured that Michael and all the other “kids” of the next generation and beyond (that means Maxwell,etc.) are grandfathered

( in Maxwell’s case - grandchilded) into the club. We see no reason that these members should have to fill out “applications” now or ever. I am sure I can raise a coalition of members to join in the fight to cut junk phone calls… oops! I got carried away - anyway, with strength in numbers we can overthrow your new dictatorial measure.

Unless the “Club” becomes the democratic institution that it was founded to be, the Rosenbergs will not submit the requested amendments.

Don’t tread on us!!!! Live free or die!!   All my love, Linda

On Membership:- On Dancer, On Prancer, On Donner & ... Nevermind. The 1st Amendment to the nonexistant shall state, "All relatives of a PhunClub phounder are granted membership".

11/07/06

New Bush VidLit:- Click here

Election Day Brings New Candidates:- Barb & Dave submitted an invalid 69 word application, but since they're Iowa, Secretary of State Blackwell modified it to 25.5 words as follows:
"We want social status and phun. The membership list speaks for itself. Coming from the exhilarating state of Iowa adds diversity. Consider our member. Thank U!" Their original application is here.

Ken & Deb Vote:- "We support the admission of Barb and Dave to the Phun Club. What would any club be with someone from Iowa?"

Fred Votes:- "I personally vouch that when this picture of Barb & Dave was taken, they were having PhunClub type phun. I vote YES."

Bob Votes:- "After years of sharing fashion tips with B & D, I say Yes. And, I vote Yes on Michael's application."
   Linda Votes:- "Let Barb & Dave in! Their application seems sincere, flattering & we need the money. (oh…didn’t you tell them about the FEE?) Just kidding. We should welcome them with open arms."
   In the Chicago Tradition, Ken & Deb Vote Early & Often:- "We want Barb and Dave in the Phun Club!!! The addition of members from Iowa adds an eclectic (adj. selecting or made up of elements from different sources.) pizzaz ( n. slang 1. energy or vigor.   2. attractive style. Also, pizzazz) to our elite (Clique, coterie, set, circle, ring, junto, junta, cabal, camarilla, clan crew or mob) group."

The AP is Calling the Vote FOR Barb & Dave:- ... Even though they didn't answer the 5-questions!

11/05/06

PhunClub Officiates at Josh & Rachel's Wedding:- Pics are here

11/02/06

Michael Unleashed:- " What? So does the fact that I rightfully answered and won the TSOTSKY CONTEST get buried in the news? No one screams out CHEATS! LIARS! COVER UP?? There should be a full congressional review of the practices of the so-called phun club! What happened to fair and balanced? Is this an offshoot of Fox news? What happened to the good old days where contests were fair and news uncensored?! "

Michael the Candidate:- Here's my membership application. I'm running on a platform of reform! Click here for Application photo

Answer the following questions:
- Al Franken or Rush Limbaugh? Michael J Fox
- What is the capital of North Dakota? Ja'Booty
- Ist das wasser im flachen Bremmen Hafen zu? Bless you
- When did the Martians leave your washing machine? Yesteryear
- Is getting a printer ink cartridge refilled really worth it? Yes! Recycle!

Submit a 25½ word essay on: Why I want to be a PhunClub member. There needs to be young blood in the ranks of PhunClub. There are too many republicans, and not enough democrats! WE NEED CHANGE! Thank U.

11/01/06

Prospective Members Diligently Moving Forward:-
The required 25½ word essay has posed a challenge for Barb & Dave who now live a monastic live to concentrate on the composition.

OK, NOW, MICHAEL WINS
THE TSOTZKY CONTEST!!!!

10/31/06

- FINAL REPORT of the TSOTSKY CONTEST COMISSION -

Following a weekend retreat to Napa Valley California where the Tsotsky Contest Commission held a wide ranging and exhaustive review of the contest results, the Commission has found that that Michael did in fact submit the only CORRECT answer.
Due to technical problems caused by computer support staff, Lisa was declared the winner. The Commission is inclined to award prizes for both answers. The Commission also wants to thank all participants in this most exciting contest the PhunClub has had in months. Finally, the Contest Comission recommends that the actions of the computer support staff be referred to the appropriate PhunClub oversight committees for sanctions. T.C.C. 9/30/06
Linda's Week-end Review:- Phabulous time! Josh & Rachel are great kids.

- Open Letter to Chairman: Credentials Committee -

I am writing this letter in support of the application for PhunClub membership of Barb and Dave. In the phive days that I have had the good phortune to spend time with them over the past month, I have phound them to have the very qualities that exempliphy membership in our group, and can recommend them highly!! Please convey my thoughts to your comittee during your evaluation process. Phred

What Are We... Choped Liver?- Hours after receiving our invitation to apply for membership, Barb & Dave seem to be holding out - perhaps for a better deal. Ok, this should sweeten the deal. Phred will donate $1 to Bob's favorite charity if Barb & Dave apply within the next 3-months.

10/30/06

Soused in Sausolito:- Well, not really. But PhunClub members had lunch there before returning from Josh & Rachel's wedding. A good time was had by all.

New Feature in PhunClub News:- An advice column has been instituted. Please submit your forelorn questions for a life shaping answers.
Membership Application Form now On-Line:- Click here

10/24/06

Flash - Contest Results Contested:- A challenge to the naming of Lisa as the winner of the foto contest was philed by Michael. The basis of his claim is that he submitted a correct answer to phun club central prior to the winner being named, and only because of an administrative snaphu by the webmaster (read Bob) was his entry deemed late.

Following the published contest rules, the challenge was repherred to the
elections/contest committee. This committee is composed of :
» Jimmy Carter (election and contest repheree for 20 years),
» Karl Rove (has manipulated elections and contests for 20 years)
» Lar Daly (has lost elections and contests for over 20 years.

All entries have been placed under seal and phorwarded to the elections

contest committee. They will meet in the next 48 hours to hear oral arguments and accept cash payments. Phred ... see link

Linda & Phred go back to Italy for Dinner Tonight:- Franchesca (Pred's tutor) has invited Phred & Linda to her casa for an Italian dinner. Other attendees will be Franchesca's mother & husband. The only attendees that speak english will be Phred & the hostess (who very rarely speaks english to Phred).

Thus, the table talk will be somewhat unusual since, as we all know, when a person screams slowly, the person being yelled at (regardless of that person's native tongue) will understand the otherwise foreign language.

10/23/06 - Afternoon Edition

Contestants Outrage!:- Was Phred in Florida or Ohio when he voted? Recount is demanded!

Michael Entreats:- Your prize deadlines are way too quick! You gotta give more time! Michael's entry is on the Contestant Page.

Bob Woodmash's Investigative Report:- has been appended to Lisa's ersatz entry. When will the PhredGate scandal end? Fox news says PhredGate is a liberal conspiracy to attack republicans and the Republic. O'Reilly wants to know when Bob stopped beating his wife!

Phred Harris-Blackwell says:- As always, the decision of the judges is FINAL. Lisa's answer was judged the winner aside from its 'right on' accuracy, but also because her answer was the only to involve 2 phun club members and in such a indearingly self deprecating manner. In addition, the idea of Ken smiling while holding Harold's glowing body part is what gave this answer the points to get past Debbie's answer. Third place went to Himatsui Watanabee, a Sony engineer for his answer that this photo captured the instant of flash from Ken's Sony camera and calculated the odds of this at about 1 in 32,500,000 or about the same as the odds of the Cubs winning the world series in our lifetimes. Phred

10/23/06 - Morning Edition

Phred Unphairly phavors Lisa:- Judge Phred unjustly phound phor Lisa. His phinal (albiet misguided) decision in the Identify the Tsotzky contest is:

Lisa wins the contest ... Not !

10/22/06

Joyous Regards from Lisa:- Dear Debbie and Ken;

Happy, happy anniversary. Cheers to 34th years of bliss. I am so delighted to see you received our gift. I am certain it will bring you much joy as it has satisfied me from that very fatefully frigidly cold yet frenectically fraught evening of fornication. In an effort to raise funds for our hyper baric chamber, Harold decided to moon light. If you recall his recent diet and fitness routine has resulted in quite the he-man physique of a 23 year old . Oh my, I digress

with heat. Harold had a very" short lived career as a male stripper at "Hang Low Sweet Chariot. His hot number was performed as a naked Martian to the theme song of the Flying Nun. He applied shiny glowy flaming paint- well in out typical Lauber health crisis, Harold's body parts begin to fall off. Lisa says this is too long for all of you to read. Does this family have attention deficit disorder? Any way, his right testicle fell off and its yours for the keeping. All of you should expect a body part of my selection.

10/21/06

The Responses are Rolling in:- The Tsotzky project has brough contestants from around Chicago (and other epocs). Read their responses here.

10/20/06

Houston! We have a Tsotzky:- Identify the Tsotzky: win a fabulous prize.

10/18/06

Back to Basics:- Bob saw a miserablly sad video on Google. If you want to see it, it's here - the pertinant video segment starts at 3 minutes 30 seconds.

10/14/06

The Expats Return:- After a campaign against the Russians' attempt to invade the Vatican, PhunClub Expats head back to the states. Using a column of Vespas and Mopeds, the Expats gave the evil eye to the invaders. The demoralized Russians quaked with fear as they held their position. General Bob, who remained at PhunClub HQ, plans to award a Medal of Freedom to each Expat upon their return.

Other News:- Al Capone sentenced for tax evasion!

10/09/06

Republican Diddlegate Trouble:- During a press conference, Hastert said the Republicans plan to turn over a new page. For a bit of the party's diddlehistory click here and here.

Expats Report from Pantheon:- The statue of Bob is missing. Though today's call was placed at 4 pm, it was received at 9 am - proving that Bob is really Claire Voyant (whoever she is).

10/07/06

PhunClub Expats on the Phone / Bob Goofs on Dialing:- Bob's been dialing the Expats, only to be greeted with busy signals.

He's putting in the international code, the city code, the area code & number; but all he gets is a busy signal.

10/06/06

The Jonathan-Chucky meeting:- For those who aren't aware of the preceeding circumstances; Chuck is a childhood friend of Bob & Ken who attended Bob's 60th B-Day party. It was there that Jonathan met him.

Last week, Jonathan was at the VA & happened to get on an elevator with a guy in a wheel chair. They decided they somehow knew each other

& figured out it was thru Bob & Kenny. Anyway, when Bob learned about the meeting, he called Chuck to find out what he was doing there. It seems that Chuck was walking down the stairs in his apartment building when he fell and broke his hip. He was released a couple days later with all the necessary pins, bolts and garden sheers installed in his hipple area.

10/05/06

Report From A Broad:- The expats called Bob soon after their arrival at their new hood. Though he valiantly tried to call them back, he was unsuccessful - even after consulting with telecon experts at "0" and his long distance company.

We, who are left behind, hope the expats take plenty oof pics and get them to this editor for posting in The News. Maybe downloading them from an internet cafe would do the trick.

10/03/06

Where the Hell did They Go?:- It must be the Rapture (or maybe United Airlines) that carried many PhunClub members to a better place.

Immense Umbrellas now cover PhunClub homes:- The Bush administration has diverted all funding from Katrina recovery to the protection of PhunClub property with giant retractable domes.

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

09/30/06

Debbie's Birthday Party:- The phestivities began with a game of avoid the construction zone on the way to Gibson's, where PhunClub Phounders met Ben, Jill, Max & Aaron for the eatathon. It was decided at dinner that Max is a Phuture Phederal Judge. After dinner, it was off to Ben & Jill's for dessert. An excellent time was had by all.

Click
the pic

Bag Packing:- The luggage industry is booming and coincidently, some PhunClubbers are again about to become ex-pats. Private Citizens ask; Why do you hate America?

09/28/06

I'm Not Getting Any Younger or a Tax Refund:- That's what Debbie said when told it's her bithday today. Fat or thin; old is ugly, she continued. In the spirit of Deb's upbeat view of her 57th, this reported farted and shuffled to the kitchen while muttering something about Barry Goldwater.

Happy Birthday Debbie
From The PhunClub

09/25/06

FLASH:- Tennis star Deboarh Crane is turning fifty-something this week and festivities for the celebration will take place at Gibson's on Saturday, September 30th at 5:30 pm. The early time is called for to allow Maxwell, the newest member of the Phun Club, to attend. Apparently, he has some additional engagements for that evening which he must attend but said, "Goo

goo goo gaa pbbb" which I believe means "I wouldn't miss a dinner with the Phun Club at Gibson's for anything."

Following dinner the party will resume at the home of Benjamin and Jill Crane for dessert.

PhunClub reporter Ken signing off.

09/22/06

Happy New Year!:- Now, if only someone would submit an article or two.

Today's 1-liner:- I asked him, "Who said you could fool around with my wife?" He said, "Everybody."

09/19/06

Reprint Digest:- The 4/27/06 news suggested that we take a while to view the videos here#1, here#2, and here#3. They give an excellent overview of the recent history that brought us to today's international situation.

The 8/09/06 news presented some Gnostic Gospel Stuff confronting Christians with questions concerning their beliefs. Link to various audio / video presentations on the topic are here. There will be a test!

09/18/06

Publication Paucity:- Charges against PhunClub members and affiliates are being investigated concerning the lack of news items / articles submitted to the PhunClub news. Those at risk of lengthy impepsodent include all members (except Bob, and maybe Ken & Linda; who've sent occassional reports) as well as affiliates Paul, Lisa, and the PhunClubHeirs (Aaron, Jonathan,

Pam, Ben, Jill, Max, Micheal, Ali). So get on it everyone; let's see some global input. Otherwise, the terrorists will win.

Today's 1-liner:- When I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills, my doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

09/17/06

Weekend news:- Fred predicted that K&D will win $32,000 in Las Vegas.

Today's 1-liner:- You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

09/11/06

Newly Released Home Video of WTC Attack:- Another awful view

09/10/06

Our HP Correspondent Reports:- No news here at the [R...B...'s] either. Jonathan slept over last night and is going to make us one of his famous gourmet meals. Pam is in NYC. Michael and Ali brought the LOST II DVD to view. (There were lots of “hidden messages” called “Easter eggs” – none were very exciting.)

Linda is recovering from a bout of self-diagnosed meningitis/aneurism .

We all wish Tina a very happy 95th Birthday on Sept. 10th.

Your roving recovering reporter-Linda

09/09/06

From the Reporterwoods River:- FLASH Absolutely nothing of any interest or excitement has taken place here in Riverwoods this weekend... oooooh yaaaaah....Tina Kramer will be 95 years old on Monday September 11th. Happy birthday Tina!!!!! Ken

The PhunClub wishes Tina a Happy Birthday

Today's 1 Liner (actually 2 Liner):- My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

09/02/06

Today's 1 Liner:- I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

PhunClub Meeting at Bob's:- After a pilgramige to return stuff at a local mall the The PhunClub Members of the North brought cookies to Bob's house. Linda swiftly insisted that news articles become more frequent.

Debbie became a real estate maven by learning all the secret stuff that realtoristas know.Fred and Ken learned about the wonders of wax while Bob considered driving aimlessly in Europe.

08/28/06

I Just Learned that this Letter is a Hoax (but it sure sounded good):-
Dear Mr. Gibson,

I am one Jew who doesn't accept your apology today. I don't accept it, because you have spit on the graves of the Goldwyns, the Warners, the Mayers, the Cohns, the Foxes, the Thalbergs, the Selznicks, the Zukors and the thousands of other Jews both living and dead who have made your questionable career possible.

When you do get out of "rehab" and recount your millions, please consider how much of your fortune you would have if you had made your true feelings known, when you were starting out in the film industry.

You are a despicable human being, one that doesn't even have the sense to realize that he has repeatedly bitten the hand that fed him. Whatever you (or your publicity agents) say today, does not even begin to redress your long standing theories about the Jewish people.

Apparently the apple does not fall far from the tree.

If you haven't yet distanced yourself from your father's views of the Holocaust, why should the Jewish community meet with you, or believe anything you have to say now.

Your words are a thinly veiled attempt to admit that you really messed up this time, and you want to cover yourself, so that you can continue to be adored and further your revenue stream.

The truth is, you are an unreformed, unrepentant anti-semite of the worst kind, and your hollow outreach is worth less than the price of your next drink, which will surely find itself in your hands before long. I'm buying.

Of course, if I am wrong, you could start by donating $1,000,000 today to the State of Israel in her time of need.

Surely that is a small public relations price to pay for a man of your stature who "honors all of God's children".

Steven Spielberg New Rochelle, NY 8/01/06

08/24/06

Cleveland isn't just for Rosenbergs any more:- A rising star in The City of Thawed Folders was mentioned in the news recently. I know her father.

Today's 1 Liner:- Getting older is not a problem. You just have to live long enough.

08/23/06

Linda's Nothing News:- Linda reports ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING. But, she says she knows a song called Nothing, and is willing to sing it to who may call and request it of her - no charge. When Bob asked Linda "How are the kids?"

She replied,"Jonathan is fine. Pam is fine. Michael is fine. And Ali is a Fein." Then Bob said, that certainly is a fine report.

Today's 1 Liner:- I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous… everyone hasn't met me yet.

08/22/06

Today's 1 Liner:- I told my wife the truth: that I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Here's a Multi-Liner:- A lawyer parked his new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he got out, a truck came along and completely tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a cop saw the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus.

But before the cop could say a thing, the lawyer began screaming that his Lexus ruined and would never be the same.

After the lawyer stopped his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You're so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing"? asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off by the truck!"

"Oh, my god," screamed the lawyer! "My Rolex!"

08/20/06

Oy! What Tzures is this?:- The Associated Press just released a photo Bob's 1st cousin, Jay, (Uncle Irving's son) and that nebish John Mark Carr who says he killed JonBenet Ramsey. So now, all PhunClub members are at 4-degrees of JonBenet.

JonBenet - (1) John Carr says he killed her - (2) Jay pictured with Carr - (3) Jay is Bob's cousin - (4) Bob, K, D, F & L are PhunClub members. Note: If the media calls; DENY EVERYTHING! Here's a link to an archived version of the original AP story.

08/18/06

Law of the Telephone:- If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

08/17/06

Today's 1 Liner:- I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

Marriagothon:- Rev. Sun Myung Moon offers to officiate at a service that will simultaneously take care of all upcoming PhunClub related nuptials. Michael, Ali, Josh, Rachel, Brian & Megan are up for it, and are already selling flowers at the Austin Ave. off-ramp of the Eisenhower.

Debbie V takes her Healthy Victory Celebration Tour:- Debbie & Rich (of signifother fame) leave tomorrow morning for Cabo San Reviera Maya Puerto del Dontdrinkthewater, Mexico to jubilate in recognition of the completion of Debbie's treatment... about a year ago.

08/16/06

Today's 1 Liner:- I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Late News (as in - news that's late): - The PhunClub met at Bob's last Saturday (the 12th).

We saw the movie about some guy who refused to wash his face at the World Trade Center. Upon our return, we had a rollicking good time reviewing internet condo listings... or maybe we were calculating a proof for Fermat's Last Theorem. Here's a pic.

08/15/06

Today's 1 Liner:- With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

08/13/06

BBQ@JandS.comm:- The PhunClub gorged at Jerry & Sindy's Big BBQ Bash. The Rambam showed up for part of the evening; when we discussed Torah.

Today's 1 Liner:- Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

08/11/06

PhunClub Roots (a.k.a. The Marauders):- Ken, Chuck, Jerry & BC stood at Sabatino's bar, when a roar of approval rose thru the crowd. Bob had arrived.

We drank - We kibitz, We dropped cocktail glasses, We reminisced. And it was all courtesy of Chuck. Thanks Chuck! Pics here

08/10/06

1-Liner:- When I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

Missing Photos Phound:- D&K feed Bob & Fred on August 3rd while Linda caroused in Colorado. Pics here

08/09/06

Mmmm:- More fine dining was enjoyed on the Debbie Deck of the land ship KMS Crainius. Pulled chicken / margaritas / Key lime pie / tater thingys / more were served. Fortunately for mankind, the PhunClub solved all the world 's problems during our dinner discussions.

Gnostic Gospel Stuff:- It seems that Christians are now being confronted with challenges to their orthodox beliefs. Link to various audio / video presentations on the topic are here.

08/07/06

3-Liner:- I had a date with a girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I brought Windex.

08/06/06

Does Anyone know a Doctor?- Well, that Dr. may be interested to know his perscription w riting history is sold to drug companies.

Nu? New News Novelty:- The PhunClub staff has collected '1-liners' that will be published here, daily.

08/03/06

Change in Reading Material:- Haaretz recently announce a circulation drop in Jewish American communities, while Arab papers are becoming more popular in those areas.

The reason: Haaretz commonly reports about Jews being persecuted,

Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing and Jews living in poverty.

By contrast, Arab papers report happier news about Jews owning the banks, controlling the media and ruling the world.

The readership migration is due happier news in the Arab papers!

08/01/06

Weather Report:- It's been hot this summer. What's that you ask? ... How hot? So hot that the temperature is now being measured in Debgrees.

Today, its expected to get up to 1 debgree crainius.

07/23/06

We have Exclusive pics:- The paparazzi were somehow tipped off to Michael & Ali's engagement. The PhunClub was able to obtain the pictures, which can be seen by clicking on the photo to the right.

07/22/06

Mazel Tov

Mitzvahmobile seen at Millennium Park

07/16/06

פהונץלוב שיטערדײַ:- תהע בױס טאָאָק טהע דײַ אָפֿף טאָ דאָ אַבסאָלוטעלי נאָטהינג. אײנד אַפֿטער אַ אועדדינג שאָוער, טהע גירלס jאָיִנעד אוס אין פּלאַטזינג. תּע אַלל אַתּה אַנד ליסטענעד טאָ מוסיץ בי טהע פּאָאָל.

http://www.cs.uky.edu/~raphael/yiddish/makeyiddish.html

(Translation) PhunClub Siterday:- The boys took the day off to do absolutely nothing. And after a wedding shower, the girls joined us in platzing. We all ate and listened to music by the pool. 2 pics

07/14/06

The Rambam Speaks:- Your honor, I strenuosly object to that ill-conceived statement. I present Gus Modlin (age 82), who in the past 2 years has been to South Africa, Australia, The Dominican Rep., and Hawaii. I will concede that he has not yet been to the PhunClub World Headquarters in Warrenville.

Addendum:- Oy Gevalt -
where is my memory going ---
Add to the list of Gus's travels in the past 2 years, a driving trip thru Tuscany.
Rambam

07/13/06

Realtor Bob:- Did another deal today, finding a rental house for a family from Texas. As the lease was signed, Bob exclaimed, "Naches from the Bubba.!"

Friendly reminder:- As Ken stated in June, "We have 15 good summers to go." Let's make the best of each day and turn that number into a multiple.

07/09/06

Bulletin:- While Bob celebrated his 22,000th day, he mounted the famous Dancing Mountaineer movies to the web here

The pics from that evenings festivities (July 1st) are here

07/04/06

Independence Day at F&L's:- The host & hostesserina held a supurb celebration to honor America's birth and the pool house's rebirth. Pics

07/03/06

The Rambam Speaks:- Quoting Hanlon's Razor: "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity''. Personally, the editor likes Norelco's razor even more - "Buzzzzzz"

Bob is Smart... ing:- No one acknowledged his 32nd Martian birthday on June 21st, nor his 250th Mercurian birthday on July 1st . Yet he still has hope for a wild celebration on July 9th, when he turns 22,000 Earth days old .

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

06/30/06
Weakly Review:- > Debbie her cousins & Linda schlepped to their ancestoral home of Sheboygan, to declare their affinity with the Sheboyganeese. While there, she snapped a picture of what the city is famous for: wrapping paper with the letter "W" written upside-down over a steak sandwich.	> K,D,F&L enjoyed a Brahms piano concerto #2 at Ravinia on Friday night. Upon their return to F&L's, they called Bob to plan for Saturday's big event: a movie production to rival the famous B52 of 1991. > With July 4th fast approaching, the pool fence at F&L's is ferchackta in that the new one won't be installed - Beshart-R-Not-Us. > Oh... Jonathan & Pam announced their expectancy.
06/28/06
Today's Joke:- A young Jewish man tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women and sits them down on the	couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one on the right." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know? The Jewish mother replies, "I don't like her."
06/27/06
DEERFIELD:- Big doings are Deerfield today as several of the Bassewitz clan descends on Debbie Crane of Riverwoods. There is going to be a wedding in Chicago which the out of town Bassewitzes will be attending but before the wedding they will be spending some time at the Crane's. The out of towners are Jane Bunke of New York and Barb Letween of Des Moines, IA. The out of towners spouses will be joining them later this week.	While in Riverwoods they plan on making a trek to their home land in Sheboygan to dine on steak sandwiches! Ken will spend the week hiding in the basement. Important Update:- Linda will be traveling to Sheboygan with the Girls and is volunteering her meals-on-wheels service to bring Ken a steak sandwich from that special place.
06/26/06
NASDAQ Climbs:- Bolstered by a sudden and inexplicable rise in shares related to the pickle and ice cream industries, the stock market soared.	Late Breaking News:- PhunClub members were contacted by Arthur Murray. He wanted to know more about the dance we were doing.
Flash:- Pam & Jonathan have just been picked up by the MitzvahMobile. Listen to today's PhunClub radio station: WJPR
06/24/06
Friday Movie Honorarium:- The PhunClub's enigmatologically inclined may submit their crossword puzzles. Here's an example. To enter, send the following:	- size (ex. 7 x 7) - gray square coordinates (ex. A5 - D3 / A6 - D5 ) - clues
06/22/06
Yesterday's News:- Ken and Bob called Sandi Dresmal while Ken was on his way home. She's doing well, but her husband runs 8 miles a day. We wonder why he doesn't just drive to where he's going.	Bob is down in the dumps cuz no one acknowledged, in any way, his 32nd Martian birthday. But he's sure there's gonna be a huge celebration planned for him on July 1st, when he turns 250 Mercurian years old.
06/21/06
F&L's Anniversary is Today:- They celebrated by having dinner at their auxilary dining room, a.k.a. The Pine Yard, with Jonathan, Pam & Ali. Jonathan had presented his gift to F&L earlier today. Hooray for the Mitzvahmobile	OF Mazel Tov
06/18/06
F&L celebrate their 36th Anniversary:- It was at Keefer's where the PhunClub, with Jonathan, Pam & Michael (he was Bob's date) played out the festivities.	The assembled celebrants had a great time, but the food would not comment on the evening; as it was unable to speak. Afterwards, we sat at the pool and ejoyed a perfect summer's night.
06/16/06
As Found in the Dusty Archives of the Web:- Subject: Re: Johnnie's Italian Beef Nazi Hunter From: kpcdc - attb..com (kpcdc) Posted: September 02, 2002 at 23:21:43 In Reply To: Re: Johnnie's Italian Beef Nazi Hunter - Posted by Harry V.	Message: You can order it any way you want at Johnnie's. No matter which way you order it, it will always be the best possible beef anywhere. Try to go on a warm summer night and be certain to order a "large ice without a top". None better. For an extra treat order a combo (beef and sausage)"cut in half" and share it with your dinning partner after you have finished your beef.
06/13/06
F&L Return:- They're baaack... and enjoyed it so much, they may make it an annual thing. Hoping to keep them in Chicago, daMayor proclaimed,	Hey, we've got a Broadway too. Ooops:- For an example of bad timing, click here.
06/10/06
F&L Return from New Amsterdam:- After confirming that Jersey Boys prance around, F&L have returned. We await a mission debriefing.	160th Anniversary:- Without much to report, the PhunClub celebrates California Independance Day. Evidently, Mexico has yet to get the news.
06/04/06
Bob's cousin in meetings with Colin Powell:- So there's Barb in Copenhagen a couple weeks ago, walking down the street when she sees Powell and waves to him. He waves back and walks over.	Barb says, "Oh, it's so nice of you to come to my birthday party. It's my birthday today". He says, "Let me give you a birthday kiss". - See pic - Barb says Powell is a regular guy... but with staff and body guards.
06/01/06
PhunClub Vocabulary Bee:- Our next soiree will have each of us use the word Synecdoche at least once. Its definition: A figure of speech in which a part is used for the whole (as hand for sailor), the whole for a part	(as the law for police officer), the specific for the general (as cutthroat for assassin), the general for the specific (as thief for pickpocket), or the material for the thing made from it (as steel for sword). Points will be awarded.
05/29/06
Frappr Mappr Gone by Unpopular Demand:- Yes it's true ladies and gentlemen; our Frappr is but a memory. on this page. BUT, when I tried to delete it from the Frappr site itself, I was unable to locate the links as instructed. So I wrote Frappr an email, asking them to do it for me.	If I don't hear back from them, I suggest everyone to (1) go to the frappr.com page, (2) log onto the PhunClub map, (3) use your personal passwords & emails addresses to change or obliterate your entries.
05/27/06
A Watered Down DaVinci Code:- Friday was PhunClub movie night for the PhunCliub. Somehow, we walked into the theater showing 'Water': a romp through India's sub-class with sub-titles. Bob walked out when the screen regaled us with a man and woman prancing around singing while they	squeezed water from a bed-spread or something. Evidently, he could not handle this portion of the film's riveting level of frenetic drama. Bob then slipped into the theater showing The DaVinci Code. He saw about half of it when the 'Water' theater emptied and he had to DaParti.
05/21/06
Maxwell's 1st Guest of Honor Appearance:- The celebration of Max's moniker was accompanied by family and friends who enjoyed great food, conversations & weather. We ask those in attendance who took pictures,	please email them to this reporter for inclusion on the PhunClub site. Correction:- Jonathan, not Michael, put Duhbya on the PhunClub map.
5/17/06
Lana -Re-Kneeded:- Lana had her knee surgury yesterday to fix her torn miniscus. She's doing great, and no longer suffering from pre-surgury anxiety. Who The / What The:- A cabbie was waiting outside the BBC, sent to pick up IT journalist Guy Kewney after he did a BBC interview. A BBC staffer, looking for Mr. Kewney went outside and shouted out the	name. The cabbie, thinking it was Mr. Kewney looking for him, raised his hand. The staffer whisked him into the studio, miked him, and put him on the set with the interviewer. The cabbie tried to play along, but the expression on his face when they identify him as Guy Kewney is priceless.
05/12/06
New Harris Interactive Poll:- 29% and dropping like a rock. Hechuva job, Duhbya. Keep digging!
05/11/06
Mark Your Calendars:- Bob will be; 32 Martian years old on June 22 - 250 Mercurian years old on July 1 22,000 Earth days old on July 9 - 98 Venusian years old on July 29	PhunClub Aphiliate Project:- All members, phamily, phriends, etc. are to click here and enter yourself in the right hand column. Update: Cancelled
05/10/06
This is fun:- click here Jill, Max & Pam have Lunchy:- Jill reports that she and Maxwell left	the nursery to have lunch with Pam yesterday; accounting for the no-answer at B&J's. Jill said the lunch was very strenuous. (Maybe Pam was acting up.)
05/09/06
Diogenews:- In Search of an Honest News Story... At noon today, reporter Bob called the homes of K&D, F&L and BJ&M, hoping to get something / anything to include in today's news. So, here's the news! No one was home at K&D's, F&L's or BJ&M's - And F&L's answering machine doesn't work. Political Pundit Ken:- (a.k.a. the Bonvivaunt Bulldog Reporter) doesn't like the idea of a military general heading the CIA. Ken still awaits the	nod for the CIA post but due to the anti-jewish cabal his chance will be dashed on the craggy rocks of despair. Phsychøic PhunClub Member:- Many readers will recall Bob predicting that our Dear pResident will not finish his term in office. Well, the latest AP poll found 31% approved of Dubya. That's about the same % that approve of date rape. - Links phor Phred here, here and here (para 6,7 & 8)
05/07/06
Work Stoppage / Lockout:- Capitalism at its cruelest often occurs where workers labor under tyrannical overseers for impoverishment wages. That scenario has been the rule here at Private Citizen's Palatial Presidential Palace, as Bob strains to get the work out (as opposed to work out).	This morning was no different when he was called to help a neighbor with a raccoon problem. Upon returning, he sat on his front steps for an hour, unable to continue his grueling schedule. Then Debby V. arrived with a copy of Bob's house key and let him back into the Palace. (He locked himself out.)
05/03/06
Dry Run News:- What the hell is this?
05/02/06
Letter to the Editor, From the Editor:- Hi Paul! Letter to the Editor from Paul:- Hi Bob... love the newsletter.	News in Review:- The mayor of Review stated, during a press conference on Monday, that there is no news.
05/01/06
Party Hardy Weekend:- Friday= All Chicago area PhunClub members delivered their official greeting to Maxwell, who expressed his appreciation by being very cute. Also in attendance: Jill, Ben, Aaron, Paul & Terry.	Saturday= Phabulous PhunClub dinner at F&L's. Also in attendance: Hadley, Edna, Mike & Stephanie. Bob tried his best to stay off politics. Though his mind was in accord, his mouth was in Babylon.

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

04/27/06
PhunClub Philm Phestival:- If you have the time (about 2 hours) there are a series of three online videos comparing the history of neocons and	Islamic phundamentalists. Well edited and produced, and seemingly without an 'attitude' they are here, here, and here.
04/24/06 Linda reports:- Maxwell Franklin is the cutest baby in the world. He is a very good sleeper and makes very cute little squeaks. Linda joyfully got to hold him and declares him “a keeper”. Really, he is delicious!!!!!
04/23/06
Maxwell Franklin Crane Arrives:- Upon completing of his 9-month journey, Max's first thought was of his good fortune in picking Ben and Jill as his parents, as well as Ken, Deb, Paul and Terry as grand-parents. Pics here.	L'Chiam
04/22/06
PaRtY:- Scene: Capital Grill, Chicago. Occassion: Linda's brithday party. Attendees: birthday girl-Fred-Ken-Deb-Bob-Michael-Ali-Jonathan-Pam. Food: meat-meat-meat-meat-meat-meat-meat-meat-meat. Comment: Happy Birthday Linda!	Lame Claim:- During a dinner interview, Jonanthan postulated that, because he participated in the creation of the background image on this page, he should be granted full membership in the PhunClub. Though his argument was akin to Bush's claim of an election mandate (read: Jeff Gannon) the PhunClub's executive directors will consider Jonathan's request.
04/20/06
Happy Birthday to Linda:- The enitire universe takes part in celebrating Linda's birthday and McKinnley's request of Congress to declare war on Spain. As a special treat, the PhunClub kidnapped a Munchkin and forced him to record a special birthday homagè, in honor of linda's birthday. Click here, and we'll let the little rascal go back to Dorothy.
04/17/06
An English Jew:- A prominent novelist and intellectual, is informed that he will be knighted. The queen's protocol officials prepare him and the other knights-to-be for the ceremony. He is informed that, when he stands before the queen, he is to recite, "Philosophum non facit barba. Non in solo pane vivit homo." just before being knighted.	On the day of the ceremony, the man is very nervous and, sure enough, when he approaches the queen, he forgets his Latin expression. The only non-English words he can think of pour out of him: "Ma nishtana halaila hazeh mikol haleilot?" The queen, confused, turns to her protocol officer and asks, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"
04/15/06
PhunClub Phounders Celebrate Bob's B-Day:- What a party! Phriends phrom childhood and into the future-past. Relatives, including ALL siblings and nieces. (We missed you Matthew.) Nicely done. Thank you all. Click here for some pics.
04/14/06
Warrenville 11:50 PM CST:- Bob is 59 years 364 days, 23 hours and 50 minutes old. Wellll... not really. Since he was born at 9.31 AM, Bob is 59 years 364 days 14 hours and 19 minutes old.	Wait! If life begins at conception, then Bob is... oh forget it. Something to think about:- Bunker busters may be problematic.
04/13/06
National Celebration:- by Dr. Nek Enarc In a communiqué from Washington today it was learned that the dead-line for federal taxes, normally due on April 15, will be pushed back one week in honor of Mr. Trebor Shamlub who will be turning 60 on that day. President Bush said he rearranged his schedule to be in Illinois on April 15th to participate	in the celebration honoring Mr. Shamlub. President Bush stated that, "Bob has shown himself to be a strong supporter of his administration and the Republican Party and I want to give him the honor and respect he deserves". Dr. Enarc is a Marco DiVito Fellow at the Institute for Woodpecker Targeting. He also directed the 2005 short film, "Happy New Year".
04/12/06
Bob Celebrates his Non-Anniversary:- Bob & JoAnn did not get married 37 years ago today. Scientists determined the reason was the snappy	rented velor tuxedo and ruffled pirate shirts he and his best men were to wear. Ken still wears the shirt on special occassions.
04/11/06
Presidential Scholars Square Off :- Here is the final exam.	Anndra will be at Bob's 60th:- and may bring Bradley
04/10/06
Correction:- Yesterday's article, by former reporter Johnny Diamond, of Lana's meeting PhunCluber, was in error. It was F,L,J & P who bumped into Lana outside the resteraunt, while K,D & A munched inside.	We don't know what the PhunClubbers / Wannabes ordered (Debbie may have had the broccalli) nor do we know their seating arrangement or the amount of change received after paying the bill.

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

04/09/06
Bob's Emissaries Greet PhunClub Diners:- Lana and her vocalist met with K,D & A in front of (where else?) - The Pine Yard.	Infinite felicitations were exchanged; as they were with F,L,J & P who continued to dine on the pine interior to the yard.

04/04/06
Hey Kids, What Time Is It?:- It's time to screw around! Click here.	Confucius Says:- Getting up in years ain't so bad. It's the getting older part that's troublesome. Then Confucius said "Oy!"

04/03/06
Mazel Tov

04/02/06
Professional Service:- Debby will send us a video of Anna Cornocopua's serve. A fitting tribute to the World Champion White Sox home opener. Go BulIs! How 'bout dem Bears? Black Hawks Rule. The Cub's - next year. Hey, I'm getting into this. Go Wolf's. Oh yeah... Marauders kick ass!		Is it Raining Where You Are?:- Tonight's weather forecast: "The national weather service has issued tornado watch until midnight for the ... Northeast Illinois." This is while K&D are having dinner in the city with B&J. Oy!

04/01/06

Inverted Thimble Man Seeks Needle Status:- A transcript of Inverted Thimble Man's off the cuff chat with a Martian in his washing machine reveals his concern that he is vested with a status that seams to suit him.

03/26/06

A Mulsim Woman Speaks Out:- You've got to see this.

03/25/06
Lisa's phake news: Yesterday, Lisa Lauber was seen in the elevator of the Ritz Carlton with a hot sexy young man, who in fact looked very similar to Patrick Dempsey. As she exited the elevator, one those terribly chic, pretentious JewIso girls that Lisa so aspires to be spyed on her and quickly ran to car line at Eli's elitest private school and	informed all the chichi whos who that Lisa was seen balling this hottie. When in fact, Lisa' recent tennis expertise warranted her an invitation to serve as ball girl to Patrick and his wife. Mrs. Dempsey commented on the CENSORED and complained of the BLAH. Lisa heard 'get us BLAH' and called Harold immediately so excited that McDreamy and wife partied.

03/24/06

Linda's phake news: Dear Editor, It has been discovered through carephul investigation that the Phunclub news has been entirely phaked. Bob has been arrested and we need no longer phear in any way, shape or phorm that news items to phollow will be foney. Linda—your reporter in the phield.

FISA Court Bypassed by the Bulsh Administration:- The Administration is exploiting a PhunClub security hole. By clicking that thingy at the bottom of this page, and then clicking on unique visitors, an ISP list is displayed for the last 20 visitors. By passing the cursor over the flags, the city where that visitor's ISP connection is, is displayed. This reveals an unknown Elmhurst visitor has regularly visited. The Administration asks the Elmhurst visitor to come forward and turn him/herself in. Please contact: awol-bush 'at' sbcglobal.net

Anon's notphake news: WORLD TO END SATURDAY MARCH 25 2006!! A reliable source from the Bush administration has learned that the world as we know it will end tomorrow when president Bush will launch a nuclear attack on Granada in hopes of finishing up the war that president Regan started years ago. President Bush has apparently learned, from his telephone ease-dropping, of a plan being hatched by coconut farmers in Granada to flood the US agricultural markets with coconuts in hopes of producing an out break of severe constipation in the US population. If this is accomplished the farmers claim that it would stem the flow of excrement from the US. Anon.

Phred's Suggestion:- One of our readers has come up with the idea of posting phurther phake news stories on April 1st (April Fool's Day). And so it shall be... maybe... ehhhh, let's vote on it.

03/23/06

Bob's phake news: Louisiana Chooses a New State Flower:- The Louisiana legislature has dumped the magnolia as its state flower. Mold was selected to take its place.

Rdcpsc's phake news: News Flash from Sweden:- President Bush has just been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. After the nomination Mr. Bulmash of Private Citizen Inc. was quoted as saying, "It's about time that the real heroes of our time our recognized." This is Dan Rather signing off.

Ken's phake news: FLASH!!!! The president of Private Citizen Inc. has just won the PRIVATE EMMY; the coveted award for selling the most customer list of private information to the federal government. Good job PC Inc. Keep up the good work.

PhunClub Member Lured to Church of Alphabetology:- As evidenced by the News Flash from Sweden, a member has joined the Alphabetologists: changing his/her name to something pronounced Ridaseapeaesee. We hope the member has not turned to radical Anti-Vowelism as well.

03/22/06
Phunley's Believe It or Not:- On a discount-stockbroker.info webpage, there's a news report about Bob getting his real estate license, and the suspension of Harold & Lisa. It seems the plagiarized news is from the 6-13-05 and 6-23-05 news archive page.	New PhunClub Contest:- Due to the likelihood that respected news wires may plagiarize the articles published on these vaunted pages, The PhunClub has instituted a new contest: to come up with the most fallacious news story that each of us can conceive.

03/19/06
Ken's Juggler Review:- This juggler could get a job with any government agency..... the books would be balanced in no time.

03/18/06
Friday Night Rush Hour Traffic on the Eisenhower:- Is Murder! But it was great to see the Rachel, Xavier, Lana, Dan and the rest of the family.	Beatle Juggling:- Here's an amazing act. Make sure your speakers are on. A Link for the Future into the Past:- Click this link in 10-years.

03/16/06

PhunClub Complies with Bush Administration Mandate:- In accord with requirements of the NSA, CIA, FBI, and FNAHOLE this webpage is equipped with a device enabling the Evil Doer to track PhunClub News web page visitors. In the face of this clear violation of the US PATIO Act, the PhunClub's chief cryptographer has placed a link at the bottom of this page which allows members to monitor the same information. The link looks like Saturn.

Dear PhunClub Editor,

We have finally arrived!!!! After all this time of feeling I was missing something but just couldn't put my finger on it...... and now I know. I was missing a tracker for the Phun Club Web page. Hooray hooray!!! Good work Bob....the tracker is pretty neat.
Ken

03/12/06
Coincidence or dualoccurance?:- In the believe it or not category, Bob was working a home show in Lisle today when he turned	around to see Debby V at the next booth shopping for marble flooring or new cabinets or something. Great men repeat themselves repeat themselves.

03/10/06
Rectum? I Nearly Killed 'Em:- Meanwhile, back at the orifice... in the spirit of Sayre School's Hugh Hefner, the first issue of ColonBoy was released today with some artsy-fartsy pictures. As the camera's fecal length was adjusted, the publisher, Bob dreamt of singing with The Village People. In the end, everything came out alright. Some pics from the issue are on the right.

03/07/06
K&D Flee Again:- Tennis anyone? Well, at least for some. Before K&D's departure, they will be honorees at Boeing's ground breaking for its new plant.	According to Boeing president, John Bryson, the PhunClub's travels during the past 16 months has resulted in a robust US air travel industry.

03/03/06
Pics Phrom Phlorida:- are here	Days Alive:- Click here to calculate how old you are, in days.

3/01/06

We've Grown:- The PhunClub website has quadrupled it's size to 20 megabyte of storage. That should do us for another couple years.

2/28/06
Dear Phun Club Editor:- A phew pics phrom our phrolic in Anguilla. K&D	Pic's Phrum Phred's Phamily:- are here

2/27/06

We're Baaaack!!:- First it was F&L, then Bob and now K&D have returned to the land of Marshal Field's (which, by the way, has ended it's practice of gift wrapping purchases at no-charge). We'll be having a tan line contest at our next board meeting - but K&D will be handicapped by 4 shades. On another topic, international linguists have deciphered the meanings of the phounding members of the Pub Lunch (that's an anagram of PhunClub). Here they are:

   BONG DEFERRERS = Fred
   BAGEL ORDERS INN = Linda
   ENCHANTER KEN = Kenneth
   CARED BEN = Deb
   TORAH BUMBLERS = Bob
   A LIBERAL US = Lisa

2/21/06
News from Rebitsen & Kenuso:- Hi guys. Made to Anguilla without a hitch. weather and beach are great (so is the ETOH). Having a very good time. Hope you guys made it home without a problem. Bob, hope you are having a good time in FL. K and D	News from the Returning Jebushman:- Bob is back from sailing and eating and touring and eating and doing art fairs and eating. He had a grand time visiting with his cousins and eating. Barbara and Burley kept us pretty busy. Now it's home to real estate stuff. Pictures to follow... of all of our trips.

2/14/06
Run Away! :- PhunClub Phounders are phleeing its Sanctum Sanctorum. Though we appreciate Chicago ... just not in the winter.	Due to our intolerance of 'limited' temperatures, this will be the last article untill we return. In the meatime, this video is suggested. - Gone phishing.

2/10/06
Phrolicing Phivesum Phestive Fotos:- F&L's phamily phled to islands off the California coast, hoping to avoid inclement continental weather. Pics here.

2/07/06
Shhhhhhh.... Is Linda off the Continent?:- YES! That means it's time for the Bobby Political Rampage to begin. First, let's take a look at our Attorney General giving unsworn testimony before Congress, in support of domestic spying, that Presidents Washington and Lincoln both used electronic surveillance. Gonzolaz evidently saw Martians in his washing machine too. O-K; on to the next issue - Iran may will become toast ... soon.		Oops:- It seems the Drillers are still a force to be reckoned with, I reckon. The PhunClub News has just received a communique from Debbie and Linda: to wit (or perhaps, to halfwit) We're watching you... and you better easy up on the politics. Hmmm... The PhunClub's Editor in Chief responded... Oh, YEAH? Well... I'm sorry. I lost my head.

2/06/06
A Bunch of Yahoos Steal PhunClub Idea:- It has been said that, "The path to wealth and phame is littered with the bodies of those who do not follow up on their original business plan and instead, jerk around making pretzels".	The truth of that well worn axciom has again been proved with a report in the Washington Post, available here. Clearly, it's time for Rent-A-Liver.

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

2/03/06

Pretzel Party at K&D's:- This was the weekend of twists and turns as the PhunClub created pretzel art on the kitchen table. Though we were unable to produce a mobius stripetzel (which would have enabled us to feast on the delicacy for eternity), we did fashion other unique shapes.

Pretzeditorial:- Good time at the pretzel bakery this weekend. Glad to see them so nicely displayed on The Phun Club news. Ken

Pretzel Boy

Pretzel Boy after
eating a pretzel

< Pretzel
   Boy's
   picture on
   Virgin-Date
   website

1/31/06

From Ken; Our National Enquirer Correspondent:-
- Bob see's the light. Converts to Geroge W. Bush follower.
[America wonders... "Who is this altacocker?"]

- [Britiney Spears is dating Oscar Mayer.]

Voted by Editor, Best Jewish Joke of January 2006:-

The Italian says,
The Russian says,
The German says,
The Jew says,

"I'm tired and thirsty. I must have wine."
"I'm tired and thirsty. I must have vodka."
"I'm tired and thirsty. I must have beer."
"I'm tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes."

1/29/06

Ken's 59th 'oy' B'day Celebration:- Last night's attendees included: Ken, Deb, Fred, Linda, Bob, Aaron, Ben, Jill, and a mystery guest. En route to Gibson's, PhunClub Phounders were confronted with, what seemed, the opprobrious flashing and honking of an unknown traveler. But our talented private investigators (with the NSA's help) soon determined the honking flashers to be Ben & Jill. Dinner was (as usual) great. We desserted at Ben & Jill's. (Hold: I just remembered the cherry pie in the fridge - Ok, I'm back) Exsalan pi aund cokys ver srvd. (Mmm, that was good.)

We also watch B&J's mega-screen presentation of Jessica's BatMitzvah - or 'How to Force Your Daughter to Pay Her Own Tuition'. (As an alternative, a joyous BatMitzvah video is here.) All had a wonderful time celebrating. Happy Birthday Ken! and welcome to the PhiftyNiners.

Three PhunClubers Initiated into Order of the Kenny Koffee Kup':- Before setting out on their salubrious voyage, Ken, Bob & Fred were presented with the coveted KKK.

Slur Robert, with cup.

1/26/06

The Drillers Visit Bob:- Bob experienced the lifestyles of the shopping and famous today when the Drillers appeared at his door. Our first stop was to visit Debbie V at the Naperville Art League [s.b.s: Leeg], then off to a Noodles lunch, shopping at some pots & pans store with a French name (it meant something about a sewer) and an antique shop in Naperville.

We hoped back into the car, had the obligitory 'Bob doesn't know were he's going so he can't give me directions' harrange, and drove to another pots & pans shop at an outlet mail in Eola. Sadly, the heart spatulas were sold out, but Debbie got a deal on T-shirts. Then back to Bob's so the Drillers could lock his bathroom doors and examine his collection of rare book.

1/24/06

News of Jerry from Sindy: hi, we made it to the hotel at 5:00 today. will be evaluated again tomorrow to determine plan for home.

1/23/06

News of Jerry from Sindy:

Hi, Had quite a day today. The good news is that the ECHO showed the valve repair to be working well. All the wires from the heart were removed. But an ultrasound showed gallstones so when he recovers from this surgery he has to have his gallbladder removed. Possible discharge to the hotel sometime tomorrow and home sometime this week Sindy

Lana's Daughter Promotes the U of C:- Rachel, about to complete her MBA with the University of Chicago, was asked to do a promotional video for the school's graduate program. She did an incredible job. You can watch it by clicking here.

Kids... Will they ever learn from their parents? I hope, never.

1/20/06

Foreign Correspondent's K & D Report / Not Taken Hostage in Sun Torn Area:- Flash....finally found a computer at The Ocean Club to send in our report. The Bahama's are beautiful, the Ocean Club is beautiful, resturants are very good. Bin Ladin is definetly not hiding here, but I think I saw Bush with Cheney on a surf board heading for Cuba. They appeared to be caring a sign that said "Down with Castro". Not completely sure what their plan is but at least they are doing something to rid the world of one more Commie.

News of Jerry from Sindy: <( For the visually impaired )>

Hi, It is now saturday afternoon. Jerry was moved to a regular room On a telemetry unit yesterday. He is pretty much disconnected from most tubes. He is doing as well as can be expected at this time. As you know he is not very patient and just wants to be home which will be later in the week. Still not ready for phone calls in the room since he tires easily and it is hard to rest in the hospital with the constant interruptions and noise. But he is now to take a few 5 minute walks. I relay phone calls and messages. Sindy

1/19/06

News of Jerry from Sindy:
A.M. Report

hi everyone, Amy and I have just returned from our 1st post-op visit. Jerry is ok, barely awake with the breathing machine still on but he was able to nod yes or no. and surgery went well. Our next visit is not for a couple of hours. Hopefully he will be extubated and more awake then. More later. Thanks for all the good wishes.No surprises , the valve was repaired

P.M. Report

hi, It's been a long day. I'm not sure who is more tired Jerry or Amy and me. We saw him 4 times today and got to talk to the surgeon.

All is going as well as can be expected at this time. He is very alert but falls asleep while we are talking to him. He was nauseated and was discussing what drug and dose to use with the doctor. Taking ice chips ok. He is much more positive right now. If all goes as planned he will be transferred to a room tomorrow afternoon.

For those of you who asked about sending cards send them to me at the hotel since he does not have an assisgned room. It is the intercontinental hotel and conference center, 9801 carnegie ave.,cleveland, ohio 44106 room 814. Thanks everyone. Sindy

1/16/06

Paradise?:- Are [ Ken & Deb ] on a Haj? LBR

1/15/06

PhunClub Members Go Missing:- After repeated phone calls to Ken & Deb's home, we have determined they are gone. Thus we know they are in Paradise.

1/11/06

Read on the Street:- I just saw a license plate that read: WMD NO1
Get it? Linda

Found! Worst Meal in the World:- Last weekend, PhunClub Phounders had dinner (or more accurately - looked at dinner)

at Batavia's Fantastico's Restaurant. A close runner-up was the meal we had last November in Warrenville, at a sports bar. The menu there should have read; Whatever you order, it'll stink and the ambient noise level will annoy you.

1/07/06

More From Linda: - The building on Indiana was the original KAM . The congregation gave up that building and moved into Hyde Park. That’s the way I remember the story going.

From Ken - This video clearly shows that the fire was at the church on Indiana.

1/06/06

The K.A.M. Fire:- This afternoon, fire destroyed the Pilgrim Baptist Church. It may have been the former Kehilath Anshe Ma' ariv synagogue, where Linda believes her father was a congregant. But there are/were two KAM

synagogues in Chicago - both declared Chicago landmarks. Here's the one on Indiana, and here's the one on Hyde Pa rk. We'll let our readers figure out which of the two caught fire after watching CBS TV's news report here.

1/03/06

Congressional Candle Commission Comment:- The CCCC reminds us that, while Chanukah candles should be placed in the menorah from right to left, they should be lit from left to right.

New Years Celebration Pics:- Are Here

PhunClub Members Prepare Secret Initiation Ceremony:- With a month to go, some Wannabees will soon achieve phull membership status. This time, initiation ceremonies may not include the 'Bed of Red Hot Coals' ritual.

01/01/06

Here's my wish:- To all PhunClub members, friends and families thereof.
May 2006 be a wonderful year for all. Bob

New Year:- The Rosenberg’s say a hearty “Thank you” to the Crane’s for a

most wonderful New Year’s celebration. They certainly outdid themselves! The company was grand, the steaks were perfection and a good time was had by all. Your reporter Linda. PS. The porcelain facilities were grand, too.

12/31/05

Deboe & Ken Sighting:- PhunClub members Deboe & Ken appeared on computer screens across America, bringing in the New Year of 2006.

12/30/05

Letter to the Editor:- Dear Bob, Please refrain from political opinions on the Phunclub page unless you want to die. A Nony Mouse

Editorial:- Are you trying to threaten ME? Huh?
Well yes, I suppose you are... I'm sorry Ms. Mouse. I lost my head!

12/29/05

Newly Re-re-redesigned Page:- Due to additional unpopular demand we've now decided to schwayphung the page. Oh, and since that Linda is no longer commenting on the page contents (remember, yesterday I asked for opinions and suggestions concerning the page's design, as of that date) I feel free to present the following: CENSORED Osama says - On September 11th I attacked America and all I got was away with it.

12/28/05

Political Placement Test Available:- A PhunClub test will reveal your politics. Take the test by clicking here then send in the right-left matrix numbers that correspond to your score. Results are here.

Newly Re-redesigned Page:- Due to unpopular demand we've phungshwaid the lay-out of this page. Please tell the news staff your opinion of the new design... and suggestions to improve it.

Phun Thymes:- I just wanted to say how much fun this last weekend was spending time with the phun club members and the wannabemembers. We are looking forward to a wonderful New Year’s weekend—again with the kids! We would also like to wish Aaron (popularly known as Guns) a very Happy Birthday. Linda (and the Rambomb)

12/26/06

Community Notice:- To all Phun club members....Looking for activities on New Years Eve. Must be Phun, even if only you think so. - Ken

12/24/05

Tonight is X-mas Eve. The whole mispucheh is coming. We will be serving a bissel of food so I am sure they will think we are mishuggah!
No alta cockers tonight.- Do I get x-tra credit?? Love and kisses L&H

12/22/05

Letter to the Editor:- Dear Phun Club news editor,

As 2005 winds down I look back on this year with joy. Thanks so much to the Phun Club staff for keeping a chronical of all our lunacy. Ken (cub reporter)

Bulmash's Political Career Threatened:- Here's an excerpt from Haaretz; "Sharon region candidate Efraim Bulmash said he has received threats demanding him to drop his candidacy. "They promised to give me a hard time", he said. "These people have simply stolen our party away." Efraim is Bob's father's father's brother's son's son.

12/22/05

Rooten Toothen:- The Rambam had a root canal yesterday. Thank goodness it wasn’t his wisdom tooth!

The Kids Column, by Andrew Dice Clay:- Eh! Micheal's elevator $#%^ &@*^&$# green. J&P had # % $# &*# for dinner. Aaron went to %^$ %& #@ #@# $% today. B&J will be %^$% (*&#* &#! %$), next week.

12/21/05

"Je Refuse":- "No way Jose - weekly????? I resign!!!! Ex-reporter Linda" Sadly, we report that Linda, a founding (albiet disgruntled) member of the PhunClub, has resigned her upcoming position as columnist for a weekly What's Up With The Kids feature.

Frantic Search for Replacement Columnist:- The PhunClub is presently in negotiations with Andrew Dice Clay, who is may be willing to write the kids column. Hopes are that his first article will be published soon.

Letter to the Editor and Staff:- Happy Anniversary to Us

Dear PhunClub, Can you believe it, its been a year already since the lauch of the phunclub website! Kudos to our diligent webmaster Bob for maintaining the site at such a high level and to all our intrepid reporters writing from around the world.
Best wishes to all for phun philled phestival season.

Rambam

12/20/05

Happy Anniversary

The Year in Review:- The KDBJAFLJPM families visited South Africa
K&D: Found out they will be grandparents - Oy!
F&L: Are the proud owners of a new furnace & roof.
Bob: Got a real estate license.

Letter to the Editor:- And what about the year in review for the kids — no wonder they don’t write in — aren’t they included.
A Disgruntled Parent (Member) PS. Congrats on one full year of publishing!

Linda Infers She'll Write a What's Up With The Kids Column:- As a

result of the paucity of news concerning The Wannabees, NoBull Prize winning reporter Linda has roped herself into writing a weekly column covering Wannabee news. We all look forward to reading her first column - due this week.

12/17/05

Bob's Broke Buns Movie Review and Phredmas Phestval Submission:- Last night's PhunClub movie depicted a couple of chaim yankels that became kissing CENSORED kowboy faygelahs. This sheep herding drama had me

shluffing. Although our movie-going neighbors behind us (in the rear) cried during a romantic scene, the image of stuffing CENSORED with a CENSORED gave us chalushes. The movie was an aroigevofeneh gelt.

12/15/05

Letter to the Editor:- Dear Mr. Editor: Please delete my entry [of 12/13/05]. Phred’s should stand alone (even though it is longer than the two sentence limit)
Respectfully, Linda

Letter to the Phredinator:- He ain't called the Rambam for nothing. Great poem Phred. Ken

Bob's Marketing Idea:- Combining real estate & privacy click here. Comments are welcome.

Celebrants Prepare for One Year Anniversary:- Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin notes that, unlike Bob, the PhunClub's web site was mounted on December 20, 2004. Now, in 2005, members are planning festivities in honor of next Tuesday's occasion. Bob plans to joyously sit in front of his (err ahhh - the PhunClub's) computer, while Deb & Ken look forward to the cooking and eating of dinner. Linda is excited about doing the wash on the auspicious day, while Fred will celebrate by listening to a different radio station on the way home. Oh, will the excitement never end?

12/14/05

As received Phrom Phred:-
    phabulous phunclub phredmas phantasy
   [or]
    Der Nacht Eyr Phredmas

It was the night before Phredmas, and in the gahntse shte-bel
Not a creature was stirring, not even a vahnce,
The shkarpetin were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that the Macher soon would be there.
The Kinder were shluffen all snug in their bed,
While visions of latkes tantzed in their kupfs,
And mommellah in her babushka, and I in my kepah,
Had just settled our saychel for a long winter's schloof...
When out on the lawn there arose such a ge-schrei,
I sprang from the bed to see vohs hut gefallen.
Away to the fenster I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The levanah on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eigeleh should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and ocht kleine reindeer,
With a little alte driver, so lively and schnell,
I knew in a moment it must be the Macher.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shried, and called them by name:
"Now, Draycup! now, Shaygetz! now Faygeleh and Shikker!
On Schlimazel! on Shmendrik! on, Gonif and Meiskeit!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

As I drew in meine kupf, and was turning around,
Down the chimney the Macher came like a vildeh chiyah.
He was dressed all in fur, from his kupf to his pheis,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A pekel of speilen he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eigele -- how they twinkled -- his dimples how merry!
His punim were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as veiys as the snow.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his keppi like a wreath.
He had a grosse punim and a little round boich
That shook, when he laughed, like a bowl full of petchai.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eigeleh and a twist of his kupf
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the shkarpeten; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh, to his teams gave a ge-schrei,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Phredmas af alle, and af alle a good-nacht!"

Rambam - [editor's comment: for once in his life... speechless]

12/13/05

PhunClub Phredmas Phestival Announced:- Details here.

Linda's Phredmas Phestival submission:- Recipe for Bupkis (Beans/Nothing) and Boorivka (Blueberries/Moles).

Moosh (stir) a Bissel (a little) Bupkis and Boorrivka together. You will have a lovely Beans and Blueberry soup (or if you like the direct tanslation: Nothing and Mole Soup). You’ll have a good nosh (snack) - [editor's comment: mmm]

12/12/05

News Item for PCNews:- Fred Rosenberg wants to thank all PC members who attended his birthday party at Gibson's. The food as usual was beefalicious, the birthday greetings touching, and the gifts very much appreciated. Bob's gift of a crank powered flashlight is the Judah Maccabi brand. I gave it a few turns on leaving the restaurant and it burned the whole trip back to the suburbs

and was still burning the next morning. I've been checking - my guess is that it will go for eight days. Thanks to all and remember; still 57 (one last day).

Alert:- The EPA, NRA and BBG issue this wind-up flashlight battery warning. If you allow the battery to fully (or nearly) discharge, you'll break it and be SOL.

12/11/05

Luminaries attend PhunClub Event:- Snow & traffic didn't keep Chicago area PhunClub dignitaries from celebrating Fred's birthday at Gibson's. Toasts abounded while founding members pointed out the importance of the secret ceremonial post-toast-glass-clinking to wannabes. A good time was had by all.

Post Party Investigation:- It has been learned that Bob's Bubie's 2nd husband (Nathan Blitzstein) sent Berle and Marlene to report on the festivities in the competing Blitzstein Bulletin.

12/07/05

A Day that will Live In Dichotomy:- After a report that the Internet Monster ate Ken's article, the article astonishingly reappeared today.

Dinner Review:- Phun Clubbers FR, LR, DC and KC had a nice evening with the South African ex pats Steph and Mike Levy.

A fine dinner (in a private setting) at Wild Fire, followed by dessert of chocolate molten cake with ice cream and whipped cream at the Crane's. A few sips of brandy from South Africa (warmed in the open fire place by Mike) preceded the dessert sweets making the sweets seem even sweeter. A good time was had by all. - Ken

12/06/05

There is a big news announcement today:- It is Ben Crane’s 30th Birthday. Happy Birthday to Ben. Congratulations to Debbie for her hard work on that memorable day and Ken for his fine coaching. All the best - Fred and Linda

Bob Joins the Chorus:- HBd2U, HBd2U, HBdDearBen, HBd2U

Report from Ken censored by Internet Patriot Act:- Ken wrote and submitted what must have been an excellent article about the PhunClub dinner last saturday at Wild Fire restaurant. Sadly, the Internet ate his report.

Bob sees Bar Review show:- Anndra's performance as Aid #1 was great.

12/05/05

It's that Time of Year:- To celebrate (do not click link while at work - it may be loud)

12/03/05

PhunClub Associate is named Principal Cellist:- During a live 8 PM broadcast tonight on WFMT, Lana's minstral boy friend performed a set of folk songs with Lana accompanying. He introduced her as "Lana Lupiani;

my principal cellist". Lana did a great job and says she wasn't nervous once the broadcast began. They elected not to perform that popular folk tune that begins; Hang down your head Tom DeLay during the program.

12/01/05

Today's Weather:- Cold and light snow.

PhunClub News Class:- The article on the left counts as a news report.

11/29/05

The Trumpulmash Close:- Two weeks ago, after his client projectile gaged while drinking coffee in Bob's car, he bought a condo. At today's closing Bob patiently waited for The Check due him. When it came, and Bob noticed it was more than a thousand dollars light, he went Capitalist.

After some cajoling and document thrusting, the proper commission was paid. When L&F learned of the close, they said, We are very proud of Bob. He has made an impressive start in his new career. We wish him good luck. As Roy Rogers would say,”Happy Sales to You while Ken exclaimed, Atta boy!

11/28/05

The Return of LFMJP:- Within hours of their midnight return to Chicago Fred reported they all had a wonderful time in Denver.

Non-Corrections:- An un-named PC'er (a.k.a. 351xy) believed the 11/23/05

bowling related news item was wrong after

interviewing Bob concerning his 11/25/05 activities involving the Gang of Six (KDBAJR). When 351xy learned that no one bowled on the 25th, a correction was demanded. Says Bob to 351xy; I got ya correction right here buddy.

11/25/05

Dear Phunclubbers:- Happy Thanksgiving to all. Well, we managed to deep fry a turkey. It was unbelievable bad (for our coronary arteries) and incredibly great tasting going down. We all were scavanging off the remains in a fashion reminiscent of the animals on safari licking the bones clean. We practiced by deep fring some potatoes and after that we were ready for the big bird. I've attached some before and after photos - The whole process was made that much easier by sharing a bottle of "wild turkey" around the deep fryer.Its not Absinthe but it gets the job done and hey on Thanksgiving we thought that we should be "outsourcing" our booze. Have a nice nice rest of the weekend to all. LFMPJ

Rick 'Lynndie England' O'Connell
beats the family dinner
with a table lamp at
the Denver Abu Gharib.

11/24/05

Bob's Thanksgiving Platitudes:- Click here

LFMJP are in Colorado:- After a short flight (arrived 45 minutes early) we arrived in Denver. Great weather - it was 70 today. We went to Colorado Springs and went to the Broadmor hotel. We tried to go to the airforce academy but got there after closing. The big adventure so far has been preparing for deep frying the turkey. The first turkey was too large for the pot so we got another tonight that would fit in the pot. Leslie already had 2 turkey breasts and one other turkey so for 15 people we now have about 50 pounds of bird. Hopefully we won't burn down the house. The rest of the weekend should include seeing the Nuggets (that'sbasketball Bob) and some movies. Back to the real world Sunday.

Best wishes for a Happy Thanksgiving to our phunclub brothers & sisters. Special hellos to Josh and Rachel - sorry we missed seeing you. Debbie - your coffee cake is terrific. Bob - please get your count correct on the reporter line - this is our third article LF [reporting for] LFMJP OOPs; Happy Turkey Day to all
Hi to Everyone in Denver:- Happy Thanksgiving! Here is a picture of the pumpkin pie I made in the beautiful pink pie plate from Denver. Thanks again to Linda & Fred. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day. Debbie & Ken

11/23/05

K&D Reporting:- The Thanksgiving holiday was kicked off at The Crane residence when all the little duckling came home to roost. Ben and Jill picked up Josh, who flow in from sunny Oakland CA. They met Aaron and Deborah at the estate in Riverwoods and took off shopping at NBC. Ken arrived in the evening after a trying day stamping out rheumatic diseases and was ready to party.

A fine dinner of pizza and salad was followed by a fun time bowling. Aaron and Joshed wipped the lanes with Ken. Even though half the Phun Club is in Colorada (trying to keep Rick in line) and part is hold up in Warrenville we are all looking forward to a nice weekend.
Cub reported KPC signing off.

11/22/05

Bush Returns from China as FLMJP Flee:- Trying to get as far from DC as possible, a PC contingency resituated themselves in the Leslierick bunker.

The Abandoned PC Members:- BKD have 2 interim members to fill in for F&L. Click here to see the replacements' wide-eyed excitement.

11/21/05

The Party Gossip Column - Written by F&L:- Linda and Fred had a wonderful time a Jill’s surprise party for Ben and only wished we could have stayed longer! It was a special occasion however, I think Ben should not open his gifts until the exact day of his birthday. He is really only 29. (That in itself is hard to believe!) Do we sound old telling our kids : "I remember when.” ?

We have so many special memories of Ben and wish him many more Happy and Healthy ones. But, we will express that on the Real Day.

OK. This reporter is signing off til after Turkey Day when we will give you a full report on Rick’s antics. Good night and good luck!

11/20/05

Ben's Surprise Party:- A big turnout for the event. The Surprise aspect was flawless and all had a great time. May had a bit of laryngitis as Terry tried to hide her wealth of dental floss from the needy. The PhunClub wannabees destroyed an un-named founding member in every round of Trivial Pursuits. Ken tried to get get Dan to a one legged flying duck-dance, in an ostensible attempt to diagnose Dan's shoulder issue, but Dan saw it coming a from miles away. F&L left the festivities early to see Billy Crystal (the good one) at the Cadillac theater (Fred gave a glowing review).

Re-re-written History :- In 1991, Bob testified before a Senate Sbcmte in DC, and pushed for strict, effective regulation of the telenuisance industry. Years later some of that testimony was evidently stricken from the Internet. GoogleBooks published 65 of the 67 page hearing transcript, with pages 30 & 31 marked as not available. Coincidentally, those are the pages that record Bob's 'discussion' with John McCain. [12/02/05 update:- now, even the partially redacted the GoogleBooks transcript is gone]. Here's a link to the redacted / resurrected pages (which Bob happens to have in hard-copy).

11/18/05

Ron & Shelly meet with PhunClub:- The friday night get together is yet to be reported. Bob stayed home due to the requirements of studying, work and

sleep. It is believed that the evening included dinner and a movie. This reporter can only guess where dinner was served. Ummm Pine Yard?.

11/17/05

Ten Stupid things happened today: (by Fred)
10. Fred still loves his “world’s greatest $11 alarm clock”
09. Fred had a pedicure today from Mila (the nail Nazi)
08. Fred ate pizza for dinner
07. Fred lost 3 bills he needed to pay and blamed Linda ( yes, I really hid them)
06. Fred checked the air pressure in his left front tire and found it acceptable
05. Fred suggested we all go see a friend of his in “Homo Homo on the Range”, a gay Christmas review
04. Fred nixed the $35 filet mignon luncheon choice at his office Christmas Party.(The staff whined)
03. Fred successfully put out the recycling bins today.
02. Fred forgot to take his “neck-a-scope” to work today .... And the number one stupid thing that Fred did today
01. Wrote this list!!!!!

11/16/05

FLASH!:- Today at the Rheumatic Disease Center Physicians office nothing new happened! Dr. C got to work on time and began stamping out rheumatic diseases, which resulted in a sore foot. He is now scheduled to see one of his associates to care for the injured stamping foot.
Senior News Reporter Ken signing off from beautiful Des Plaines Illinois.

It's Curtians For D&L, Private Citizen & Pam:- While Deb, Linda & Bob ruminated on our marketing direction, Pam came up with a blockBuster idea. She suggested contacting hotels that may want to further highlight their brand.

11/14/05

L&H News:- Lisa and Harold are planning an outing to Washington D.C. the day after Turkey Day. Hopefully it will produce a reunion of sorts.
          Congratulations are in order to Bob for his first real estate deal. How is the weather there?

K&D News:- Debbie visited with Tina today. Ken's sniffles have subsided.

F&L News:- At 7:32 PM no one answered their phone when called for news.

Mr. RealTurkey© makes first sale:- Known in the industry as a "home", his first sale was a condo (appropriately described as a "person box") to a young man (40 is young?) who happened to walk in the office. After schleping the client to about a dozen properties Bob's consumer advocate role sprang forth as a property manager he was working with, discussed a development's amenities.

At one point, she used the term courtesy staff to describe personel who patrol the complex. With his client beside him, Bob blurted out, Oh, I see. You have employees whose job is to say 'Have, a nice day' and 'My, how nice you look' ... or did you mean 'Security patrol'?" She immediately agreed with Bob's description, as he thought to himself, Shut up Bob.

Today's Weather:- Warning!! The weather contains language which may be unsuitable for younger readers.
Tonight: Rain showers early then becoming windy with a few snow showers overnight. Low 31F. Winds WSW at 25 to 35 mph. Chance of precip 90%. Winds could occasionally gust over 40 mph.
Tomorrow: Cloudy and windy. Scattered snow showers ending in the morning. Colder. High 34F. Winds W at 25 to 35 mph. Chance of snow 30%.

11/11/05

Dear phun club leader:- Our news (not that exciting, but take what you want…we don’t want to be in BAD standing with the club!) .Attached is a lovely picture of our child to be…Ben says, “It definitely looks like me”

Ben has a big test on Saturday so Debbie and Jill will be hitting the shops in HP. Hum…oh yeah…the French are killing each other…shame. I know… boring, but that’s all we got for now! Take care Jill & Ben

PhunClub News grows as New York Times fades:- Judith Miller's departure from the NYT was pushed off the front pages as B&J and J&P joined the PhunClub News staff. It's evident that either J or P had previous journalism experience. Perhaps one was the editor of their high school paper / yearbook.

Paris Hilton:- has nothing to do with this news item. D&L design partnered with Private Citizen yesterday to investigate the latest non-boondogle - personalized shower curtains: which the market clamors for. In Wheaton, the Drillers witnessed a scene at Starbucks (Tall coffee, indeed!) Then we met with a specialty printer to discuss technical issues. Our chat with the printer has not yet disuaded us.

News from the Insider [a.k.a. MR]:- Smoking rates are apparently down no thanks in large part to document leaks from an unnamed source. However, investigative reporting has lead to an informal inquiry of Mr. Fatas, who was just recently spotted distributing anti-Bush literature. Reports state that Mr. Fatas's radicalism has sparked the interest of local FBI agents who have begun an inquiry into the relationship between tobacco industry leaks and the leaks stemming from the White House Inquiry.

Sources close to the white house claim that Mr. Fatas actually has been working for Karl Rove, however The Insider has not been able to confirm such reports. It does seem plausible that the smoke screen set up by Mr. Fatas in an attempt to remove Bush from presidency is in fact a ruse to cover-up the extremely close relationship between the White House and Mr. Fatas. Sources tell The Insider that Mr. Fatas in fact has been hired as a consultant to the Rove Administration. Details to Follow....

Report Retort:- Fatas rejects probushitis claim.

11/10/05

Phunclubgossip.net from JR and his African-American bride:-

The Rosenberg’s (Part Due) have long wondered how they might contribute to the website of record, Phunclub.net. We figured that given the politicos who are so vocal on the site have already been heard we would need to discover our own niche. Since Bob thinks sports are gay we present our monthly segment: Hot Gossip (all names will be protected until you cross us…)

1.      Mrs. C and Mrs. R were spotted shopping on Oak Street… are babies on their mind?

2.      Local rabble-rouser, Mr. Fatas, was caught by the waitresses at the Pine Yard trying to distribute anti-Bush literature. A little too much MSG (Missing Senator Gore) in your food, sir?

3.      MR chews night-nights.

4.      Phunclub.net founders KC and FR were spotted around local hospitals desperately trying to rationalize the fact that president Bush has allowed a major American city to be destroyed, sparked mass protests in Latin America (and we thought only the French hate us), and permissively allowed his own administration to leak the name of a classified CIA agent with minimal negative consequnce– all in the month of October. Congrats to KC and FR for rooting the Sox on to victory (which is strange of GOP Docs because isn’t manager Ozzie Guillen a personal friend of Venezuelan president Higo Chavez who led the above protests against Bush?) Fair and balanced– we report, you decide.

5.      Finally congrats to “Guns” Crane on evading Phunclub.net’s stringent anti-steroid policy this year. We know you didn’t get Jack Johnson and Tom O’Leary from only working out at the gym!

Stay classy Phunclub.net, we’ll see U next month!

11/09/05

New News Policy:- The PhunClub's editor has instituted a program to encourage greater participation by our reporters. All members must submit at least one story per month. Help for the literally challenged, is here.

Regarding PhunClub wannabes: submit one news story per month for three consecutive months and you'll become an official PhunClub member (secret ancient mystic initiation ceremony included).

Clarification:- 20% of our readers were confused about yesterday's news. A-typical reader, Fred, described his befuddlement as follows:

Fred - re: 11/8 item. Your humble reporter is somewhat confused.
Is Rachel in Spain to become Finnish? Is Xavier still French?

In response: Rachel will soon be finnished. Xavier is now Freedom.

11/08/05

Rachel in Spain while France seeks someone to surrender to:- Our PhunClub Paris Bureau reporter is in Barcellona celebrating her

abscence from the riots sweeping parking lots across France. She's there to finnish something concerning her masters degree.

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

10/30/05

Incredible Yet Empirical Proof of Einstein's Theory:- Americans awoke today to the shocking news that time stood still for one hour sometime during the night. Ian O'Sphere, a scientist at Texas Baptist Univ. of AstroJeezuss asserts it's because 'Our Savior' (perhaps referring to Bush's faith-based initiative) tripped over the universe; sending it hurtling 670 million miles through space in an instant.

During a PhunClub News interview, Pat Robertson, head of the Kill Hugo Chavez Foundation, claimed that time dialation was foretold in the New Testament's Book of Phoenician Blinds. He then squished up his eyes and relieved himself in his pants. Though this reporter slept through the 'Lost Hour', he did witness the Reverend's info dump.

Robertson craps during interview.

10/27/05

News Before it Happens:- As our faithful readers know, some of our faithful readers are unwilling to allow issues of national import to be

reported on these pages. Therefore, the news for October 28th reported on this day, October 27th, is located on the blog.

10/26/05

SOX WIN!:- Yep, the Sox won. < This is a test. Will any PhunClub member complain about this news item, in that it's not about a PhunClub-member? >

10/25/05

The Roots of Altacocker.com:- It has been learned that the former owner of the web site was the Hatkoff Family. They now have a new domain

name: mishpouka.com. This reporter likes both domain names and congratulates the Hatkoff's for their good taste.

10/21/05

Welcome Harold & Lisa:- Your following 25.5 word essay, My Life's Goal is to be a PhunClub Member, has been approved and published without authorization.

Harold & Lisa's Essay:- "Since the Elvis hood ornament described the PhunClub, we've yearned for membership. After the aliens tried to dissuade us, Doctor Phil suggested a regime of anal…"

10/19/05

Dessent Explodes within PhunClub Ranks:- As a rebel faction tries to KevinTrudeau our hero Bob, he proclaims "I will NOT be censored!". See blog

10/18/05

What the Federalinda Tirade Commission doesn't want you to know.

10/16/05

Generation OY:- Ben & Jill have announced Jill's pregnancy. Thus, the PhunClub promoted them to executive producers and changed the designation 'Baby Boomers' to 'Generation OY'. This reporter recalls

visiting Ken & Deb on Hazel, days after Ben's birth. While we walked to Ben's cradle, Ken said "Come and see my son". As the wheel of life turns, we all wish Ben & Jill the best and Mazel Tov.

10/14/05

That Old (and getting older) Gang of Ours:- The Mighty Maurauders reunion started at "The School" and migrated to Tom's Steak House (formerly owned by Patty Lechous' father).

An esteemed member of the Sayre School Janitorial Staff gave us a tour of the school's present-day interior. pics here

10/10/05

PhunClub Secret Coded Message Week:- All PhunClub members, including Lisa & Harold, will send their secret coded messages to Bob, for posting on this web page.
Bob's secret coded message is: "E=mcdonalds"
Lisa's secret coded message is: "13"

Fred's secret coded message: "77"
Linda's secret coded message: "so secret she doesn't know it"
Ken's secret coded message is: "ENN5081"
Deb's secret coded message is: T.B.A. (tapping a foot)
Harold's secret coded message is: "13" (too)

10/09/05

PhunClub eats Next Door and Fred has a Mongolian Beef take-out:- It was a quite Friday eve as the Ken, Deb & Bob admired Fred & Linda's new indoor pool near the furnace. Then we went Next Door for dinner, where Bob was asked to respond 'normally' if an unknown individual

rhetorically inquired about the PhunClub's general welfare. Returning to F&L's, we watched a documentary about a previously unsung hero of the late 1930's. During the film, Fred had to leave for a Mongolian Beef take-out - which he found quite unappetizing.

10/06/05

News Notes:- Yesterday, Bob attended an all-day Real Estate class. Today, Bob attended an all-day Real Estate class. Tomorrow, Bob will attend a

half-day Real Estate class. After that, had hoped to see a movie; Everything Is Illuminated, with the PhunClub on Friday night. That is, until Linda reported that she and Fred saw it earlier this week.

9/29/05

Debbie's Birthday party a wild success:- After Linda flu in and the traditional the Scientology prayer to the staple remover god, festivities began. Deb got gifts while Bob got a fine addition to his booby prize emporium. Then off we went to Carson's for great food and lousy waiter. We welcome the not-so-uncommonly-expatriated-Phunclub members home!

Pictures from their journey are here.

Lisa & Harold Reunblackballed:- Bob needs real estate tootalidge. So now, the Laubers have non-provisional Phunclub membership. (That's cuz Lisa knows more about real estate than Bob.)

9/25/05

The return of the not-so-uncommonly-expatriated-Phunclub members:- Well PhunClub Phans, they're back (again). The trip report was highlighted by disdain for the non-structured, lawlessness of liberal (Morrey) Amsterdam .

But they loved the city; promising to someday explain the difference between The Netherlands, Denmark, Holland and Amsterdam. Pictures of their return (and Rachel's wedding) are here.

9/19/05

Sorta Like, Brings It Home:- Hours after the PhunbClub's travelling contingent left Vienna, the city's most honored resident, Simon Wiesenthal, died.

9/18/05

J’accuse! By Dr. Crane (of the Ben type) - This reporter was recently pilloried, pilloried I tell you, by PhunClub wannabe Ben Crane. He called to admonish this august news service. Specifically, he was concerned about, what he considered, blatant anti-Bush propaganda, much like that contained here. Ben then noted

that no pictures of Jill appeared on such ostensibly anti-Bush pages. This Pulitzer-like prize winning reporter suggested that Ben send me such pics for review and posting by our editorial staff; but they have yet to arrive. Come on Ben-Jill, get that pic to the PhunClub staff. Here's our email address.

9/11/05

Today's News:- K&D return from NY.

Flashback News:- Four years ago today, at about 4 PM local time, the PhunClub boyz were walking along a street in Aix while the Driller Sisters shopped. A young woman approached the boyz to clue us about what was happening in New York. The pic to the left -> is the corner where the boyz were when they were told the news.

9/05/05

Michael's Major Labor Day:- New-Orleans-like refuges show up at Michael's new front door. click here for pics

9/01/05

Ok... It's down to this:- Bob reports that we are having very nice weather.

8/29/05

Topical Tropical News:- With headlines of destruction, here's the 10 Costliest Hurricanes / Tropical Storms
- Rank - Hurricane - Year - Category - Damage -
1. Andrew (FL & LA), 1992, 5, $43.67 billion
2. Charley (FL), 2004, 4, $15 billion
3. Ivan (FL & AL), 2004, 3, $14.2 billion
4. Hugo (SC), 1989, 4, $12.25 billion

5. Agnes (FL & ne U.S.), 1972, 1, $11.29 billion
6. Betsy (FL, LA), 1965, 3, $10.8 billion
7. Frances (FL) 2004, 2, $8.9 billion
8. Camille (MS, LA, VI), 1969, 5, $8.89 billion
9. Diane (ne US), 1955, 1, $6.99 billion
10. Bob, (my BUTT.), 2005, 2 bowls bad chile, 3 rolls of TP

8/23/05

Balls:- Speaking of balls, Fred & Linda wish Bob good luck in his new job!

Job:- Speaking of a job, Bob wishes to quote the respected world philosopher, Maynard G. Krebbs. "Weoerk!"

8/21/05

PhunClub Mandate to all U.S. Drivers: - Concerning those balls that they put on car antennas so you can find them in the parking lot? Those should be on every car!

Woman attempts to pick up Bob:- While shopping this afternoon, a beautiful young lady tried to hustle our 'member' by telling him: "You sure have a great looking tooth".

8/17/05

It's time for your annual PhunClub relicensing test: - This year, it consists of one question. Here's the question

A mute wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself? You can see the answer by highlighting the area between the < > marks.

< He says: "I would like to buy a pair of sunglasses" >

8/16/05

Fred's new lens:- After returning to Ken's after seeing The Aristocrats , Bob reviewed the pics Fred took with his new toy. The result: bigger is better.

The Big Story in Medicine:- Fred's report about the Plaintiff's wife was given to NBC's Liza Parker (message on her vox mail), WGN TV (I spoke to some

drone-like dweeb) and the Chicago Trib. The reporter I talked to was in rapture with the circumstances until he asked the Doc's name. When I told him 'M. Ghandi' he said "Oh yeah! Like Mahatma Ghandi was on trial in Lake County - Right".

8/06/05

Rocky Mountain :- Fred, Linda and Michael are visiting the Rick & Leslie wanabees in Denver.

Ken & Deb on grass:- While at Ravinia to hear Brahms, they found themselves surrounded by 10,000 kilos.

Table~~~~Break~~~~Table

8/01/05

Late News (as in - very late news):- A faction

of the Marauders reunite at the Comm wedding.

Chuck is hiding from the camera behind Ronny.
Sadly, Larry couldn't be there.

Jerry - Rich - Bob - Bob - Ken - Ronny

Bob with Pinky and Friend:- In his dreams.

7/25/05

PhunClub Sports:- Ken Pitches.
ken 1

Fred catches. And Debbie is 'out'.
Time to check both of
these guys for steriods!
More Saugatuck pics HERE

7/21/05

Oh, please help me! I'm being attacked by beautiful women.
on
loan

Saugatuck sitters

Saugatuck standers

Deb's makeup fest

Fred admires his nuts
fred nuts

Ken plays scrab... (hic)...able

Peg & Fred are puzzled

Our undercover agents

James Bund

Dr. Mo

7/19/05

Saugatuck Mission Accomplished:- PhunClub special forces invade Michigan to oust the evil An-Teaquea regime. Our heroic tale will be serialized here, over the next few days. (If I can come up with some theme based ideas.) Night recon team at work
	As a devotee of the Ant Eek torture method, Peg forces Mike to sit on a tack.

7/16/05

U.F.G. Sighted in Bob's Living Room:- Reports of an Ugly Flying Garbage bag are circulating after Bob saw a neighbor with a helium tank. This may be a summer eve PhunClub project: launching dozens of such bags.

Jesus Sighted on Federal Highway:- Contrary to U.S. law, the PhunClub determined that a water-stain on an underpass support was an effigy of the rabbi. The 4th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that the underpass must be removed, but the bridge can stay.

Future-Past Travel Guide Sighted by Fred:- When Fred vacations, a major publication commonly publishes a feature story about that vacation location, immediately subsequent to Fred's return. Such was the case when the Sun Times ran a story about Saugatuck this weekend. To test the basis of this peculiarity, Nostradamus told Fred to vacation in the ravine next to his house.

Politics cited by Bob:- Click here

This coming week:- You certainly should see the serialized saga our Saugatuck sojourn .

7/09/05

Czech book--- that was very clever! Bob gets this week's award for the phunnyest news item. Although some very amusing things were said on Saturday night when Bob did

not join us. I guess you could say we were missing a "blank Czech". Debbie hoped to win the Gumby award, but it was trumped by Goo Gone. Your reporter-on-the-beat Linda.

7/08/05

PhunClub gets out their Czech books:- While planning a trip to Prague, Fred gasps at what he discovers in his czech book. After his resucitation, and

admiring F&L's dandy garden we dined out,.then gobbled up more czech books which will lift the fog on the upcoming jog to Prague. There's something to be said for a summer without rain - No Bugs.

7/03/05

Escape from Riverwoods:- Ken & Deb put on 'fancy clothes' to flee their forest lair and attend a wedding in Chicago. Aside from the 573 Bassewitz's in attendance, other luminaries included:

Ben & his Dad

Terry & Paul

Bassewitz #574 & spouse

7/01/05

K&D's Eatfest:- mmmmmm.

Fred waits for his roasted leg of Ken

Ken feels the music

Dandy food and drinks

More pics here

6/30/05

Addendum to Orange Rhyme Committee Report:- Our initial quest overlooked obvious candidates.

Ken's addendum - allonge . A slip of paper attached to a bill of exchange for receiving indorsements, when the back

of the bill itself is already full. 'He sat on an orange while signing the allonge .'

Bob's addendum - schmorange . A derisive rejective inclusive. 'Orange schmorange, I'll have an apple.'

6/29/05

Committee Report:- After months of research, The Phunclub Committee To List All Words That Rhyme With 'Orange', has been submitted. Here are the results:

6/27/05

Linda and Fred have returned:- from NYC after having lots of fun and Lindt Chocolates. Rumors on the street are that Bob (yes, that’s our Bob) was seen noshing a super thick corned beef sandwich in the company of Donald Trump.

This would add to the support of rumors reported by the Club’s reporter Ken, that a deal is in the works for the joint enterprises of Bob and Trump, Ltd. (overheard to be called Trumpmash Worldwide). Reporter-on-the-Beat, Linda

ADVERTISEMENT

Bubbles Bulrump Realty $799,999.⁹⁹

6/23/05

News Flash:- Donald Trump is very concerned about this holdings in property since Mr. Robert Bobmash is is now a lisenced real estate broker. Mr. Trump was concerned about is ability to compete with Mr. Bobmash in the high powered field of real estate. When interviewed in his New York office Mr. Trump stated that he was "seriously considereing partnering with Mr. Bobmash in his planned building in Chicago at the former site of the Sun Times Building." Mr Trump felt that with Mr. Bobmash in his corner nothing would be able to stop the two of them from controlling real estate in the entire mid-west and ultimatley North America. Mr. Bobmash was unavailable for comment. Cub reporter Ken

6/22/05

Linda Reports:- Fred and I want to thank the best friends in the world for their creative and touching anniversary song. We will treasure it always. Good luck to Bob on his exam. I am sure he will pass with flying colors. And to Debbie and Ken: reports on the progress of your new roof will be greatly appreciated—we are interested.

Imposter!:- This just in ~~ someone named Bob, wearing Bob's underpants, passed a R.E. exam today.

Congratulations:- to Bob on successfully passing the State real estate exam

News Flash- Bob passed his exam and all the phunclub members are very proud of him. Your reporter LBR

6/21/05

Just released: New hit song:-
Happy anniversary to youuuu.
Happy anniversary to youuuu.

Happy anniversary Fred & Lindaaaa.
Happy anniversary to you.
B, K & D.

6/20/05

Flash:- Nothing new happened today. That's all from Riverwoods - Ken

Bang Boom:- Bob and nil went up the hill to catch a gaze of sunset. Bob did frown when the sun went down and ... will be mumbling after .???

6/19/05

Fred & Linda's 35th anniversary celebration:- On the way to Gibson's we stopped in at Michael's Chicago command center (he flew in for the occasion). Jonathan & Pam met us at Gibsons disguised as sun worshipers. Aaron dropped by during dinner. Fred toasted Linda and their marriage with his 'Five Points of Light". Ken & Bob also toasted the anniversaritees. After buttering the toasted couple, we found them to be delicious.

F&L: The Early Years

Michael kept mum about his work while Phunclub reporter Bob peppered him with questions. The weather and food were great. All celebrants enjoyed the evening and Bob continues to enjoy the steaks.

6/13/05

Roman Polanski returns.:- He'll direct Jocko in a 'Ten Little Indian Boys' music video. Meanwhile, shares of Vaseline Corp stock have soared.

Lisa & Harold suspended:- After waiting 90-days for their 25.5 word essay on 'Why Phunclub membership would fullfil their lives, we have not received it. Thus, the are suspended. See bottom of front page.

6/12/05

Some Altacockers show up at Marauders reunion:- It was a very nice wedding. I had a great time. I think Bob

looked very happy.....His kids really were great. O ya.....it was really great seeing some of the old Marauders. Ken

6/10/05

From the hot House of Rosenberg:- It’s hot and we had no electricity for many hours. And that’s not cool! LBR

Doctor of Dirty Dancing:- After years of study, Debbie has been awarded a PhDD.

6/09/05

Music in Deed:- Some Phunclubers are singing the theme from Flipper

More Hot News:- It's hot again today. LBR, reporter

6/08/05

Great News:- I'm at work again today!!! ugh x 2!!!! Ken

Hot News:- Today it is hot. LBR

6/07/05

Flash:- I am still at work. ugh!!!! Ken

Bang Boom: - Ugh work at still am I Bob

6/06/05

News Flash!:- The Rosenbergs (minus Michael) and the Cranes ran into each other at the PINEYARD last night. A good time was had by all. The delicious meal made up for the lousey one on Friday. Bob was not there.

Reporter-at-large Linda

Commentary by Al LaMode:- Today's Supreme Court ruling that bans the use of medicinal marijauna, when viewed in light of Bush's fight against stem cell research, indicates a major effort to stop the harvesting of both the leaves and stems of marijuana. Thus Bush doesn't consider the root at all evil.

6/04/05

The Subtitled Movie Curse:- The PhunClub tried a new chinese eatery. We found one good dish (peanut chicken) but were unable to find an extinguisher for the other China

Syndrome plates. To balance the food, we saw (no, make that 'read') a movie which put most of us to sleep.The Russian and Israeli emegre' contigincies loved it.

5/30/05

A new report just in:- Sadly Bob will not be joining us for Memorial Day because he has to study. A good time is expected to be had by all. Reporter-on–the-beat LBR

While K&D, F&L and others THINK they are having fun:- Bob enjoys a relaxing 2-day study break.

5/27/05

F.B. Day - Beany and the bodies :- Hoping to avoid introspection, PhunClubers had a dandy time at the Museum of S & I, viewing the internals of dead.folks. We then saw The Bean and squirting picture fountains at Mellenium Park.

But wait! There's more:- Bob then voyaged to the land of the lost ancestors. Afterwards, we met up at F&L's to watch F.B. on thier new enormovision. Way cool.

5/22/05

Matriculation Celebration:- K&D hosted a dandy affair last night to commemorate Aaron's new law degree. Well done Aaron! Both Deb & Ken are mighty proud. But, to everyone's dismay, Aaron wore a 'Homie' outfit at his graduation.

Homie hat

After the Crane family assembled to point out Aaron's fashion faux pa, he agreed to put on normal duds.

Happy Homie & Family

5/21/05

Another night of carousing for Debbie:- In her absence, Ken visited a PhunClub facility. Claiming to be at a 'girls night out' she actually participated in an evening of VFW bowling. Michael stood in to berate Bob for buying a sewing machine. Chip was there too.

Anti-sewing
machinist

Pimpmobile Put to Good Use:- Some PhunClubers went to Evanston in Bob's rental; a Dodge Magnum (oooo) to see the movie, Crash. Coincidentaly, the Pimpmobile was available because of a crash. Great men repeat themselves, repeat themselves.

5/19/05

New Potential Member:- Bob's sister, Marilyn hopes to be a PhunClubber. But she'll need a sponsor. Perhaps Lisa would take that role. If Lisa writes a

25.5 word sponsorship statement, we'll get rolling. Otherwise my poor sister will be all alone and sad. Marilyn awaits Lisa's rousing endorsement.

5/18/05

Mitzvah Mahem:- Uncle Sid asked Bob to help prepare his condo for new carpet. When Bob was 2 blocks from Sid's, Bob got a call from him: "Forget it. The carpet guy rescheduled". Next time we'll insist that the carpet installer get a secretary.

Gail sets sail:- So Bob called Gail. She was 'mounting her mast' on the Lusitanic. He stayed long enough to catch rush hour traffic on the way home.

Speaking of which:- While driving on the shoulder (posted

'Don't Drive on the Shoulder') to make a right on red, some guy cut Bob off for "violating the law'. Bob got great pics, which made him madder. A confrontation followed. Now he's Bob's buddy.

Brainiac
v. Bob

The dancing Brainiac

5/17/05

No child's behind left: - The gabby women in Bob's class dropped out. This reporter investigated to see if it was cuz of Bob's 4-word diatribe against her. But Nooo! She dropped cuz (HIPAA violation follows) she was over

medicated for depression. She recently lost two sons: One was the victim of a gang shooting - the other was riding his motorcycle when a police car broadsided him. Talk about 'Shit happens'.

5/16/05

Pimp My Ride:- After Bob ran down and hospitalized a cyclist, he redirected his life. Since picking up a rental while his car's in the shop, he's to be known as Soup Fishy Fish, Buns DNC, or BnB.

The Super Fly Mobile

Oh Rochester:- Lana flew to Minnesota to have a diagnosis on Italian with Mayo. She'll return wednesday (a day that's either ridiculously spelled or aufen mispronounced).

5/9/05

Did we eat at the world's 23rd best restaurant?:- A PhunClub corredespondant thinks... maybe. More here (down almost half page, click end of paragraph starting with "In April..." Buxom Blond bleau

The nation asks:- Where is Linda's pink knife?
Linda, Reporter Extraordinaire answers (about the restaurant):- "I don’t think the phun club has eaten at the pictured restaurant. However, Four of the five phunclubbers dined at La Gavaroche in London (45 on the list)..."

To better capture the evening click here then click on the 360 degree view.

5/8/05

The Gliterati:- Flashes pulsed as the PhunClub attended a screening of Enron last night, then dined at The Rosebud. But Linda just couldn't get her teeth into the evening.

Attempted Sewing Machine Theft:- Thinking Debbie kdfg

had talked Bob out of his sewing machine, and now had it in her purse, a faux gunman wearing a Ken mask, tried to steal it. But, he forgot to keep his finger in his pocket.

Pee on the look-out: - Pictured here, from a recent surveillance video of an ACLU meeting, is the sewing machine bandit whose wife sew

wants Bob's dandy sewing machine and has been nudging Bob to dump it. Presently, the device is safe and splayed out on Bob's living room floor.

5/7/05

Stupid Attack:- Yesterday's news caused A Nonymous to morph into A C Friend . Details on the Blog .

5/6/05

Scam the Man:- In an effort to vilify himself for the pleasure of the Driller Sisters, Bob continues to investigate

his latest privacy initiative. Here are links to privacy and financial issues involved.

5/4/05

Aaron Grants Certiorari to K&D's Class Action:- F&L (respondents) petitioned sua sponte as amicus curiae:

~~~~~~

Dear Sir and Madam,
The party of the first part (hence known as Fred) and the party of the second part (hence known as Linda) would be delighted to attend the party in honor of the third part (hence known as Aaron). We will attend the whole party and not just a part.

In parting, let us say “Thank you” for making us a part of this party.
Congratulations on your part in making this party possibly!!!
Your party partners, The Party of the first part and the Party of the second
Part

~~~~~~

Bob will appear without Miss Feasance. Gerry Mander can't participate cuz of jurisdictional issues.

5/3/05

Good News:- There's no news.

Wait, there's news:- We'll all be at Aaron's Gradulation.

4/29/05

A surreptitiously planted report follows: - Bob is the stupidest ever because he thinks he’s not stupid.
Signed: A Nonymous Reporter

Commentary by Pope Peel:- Whoever the nonymous

reporter may be, she should know that Bob is rubber and Linda's glue. So, whatever she says, sticks to...? Lindoo..?

Commentary by Bob:- The Drillers have a 'Stupid' on Hollywood Blvd's Walk of Fame. Jinxs! Your it! I quit!

4/28/05

Exclusive interview with Jennifer Wildbanks: - When asked if she was stupid for running from her wedding, she said: "Yeah, but the Driller Sisters are more stupider, cuz they're the most stupidest in the whole world".

Bob's revised history: - Bob and JoAnn's wedding was not cancelled due to MWD's (Multiple Women Deficits) but rather due to his wish bring freedom to the Iraqi people.

4/27/05

En route shoppers debunk Mr. Psychic: - The Driller Sisters took a minute to destroy the legend of Mr. Psychic

(Bob), when he was unable to devine what they bought during their Chicago shopping spree. Oh well...

4/24/05

Quick! Get some lamb's blood. NOW!:- Oy, New York State Attorney General Eliot Spitzer has his 'cites' on us. As reported by I

NY correspondent, Fred; "An undated photo sent by a mole working for,

but not affiliated with the PhunClub.net PAC depicts Michael Rosenberg, star witness in the Grand Jury probe of PhunClub.net, at a party in the Hampton ’s with the case’s prosecutor Eliot Spitzer."

4/23/05

Deb discovers zinc, mine: - While suffering from a nonspecific heibis jeibis, Debbie traveled to a far-off land with her medical and decorating staff to seek a cure from the little known and untrained healer, Doctor Schmoctor. She was prescribed a zinc lozenge while Father Nelson tried to 'bless' her. Nevertheless, Deb is recovering.

Fred's Rule:- Bob was told (by notice affixed to a monitor Fred schlepped here), 'DO NOT SCHEDULE 3 UPPER/DIL IN A ROW. Though he has yet to do so, Bob has been warned.

Friday Shocker!: - After scratching 5 instant lottos, Phun Club members were befuddled by their lack of winnings.

4/21/05

Minutia Reflections: - If the founding members' ages are totaled and deducted from 2005, we arrive at 1720 when there were American 475,000 colonists. ... Whatever!

The Snooky Lanson Choral serenades Linda: - Broadcasting from its new mobile theater, the singers blurted their joy. Listen here.

4/20/05

Linda's bithday: - The photo of Linda (right) depicts her either leaving criminal court after being charged in relation to her Judson break-in, or trying to hide from her birthday. As a dislexic, this reporter learned Linda is 65.

Bob has tooth cleaned: - His 1:30 appointment with the periodontist didn't take long.

4/19/05

News and Comment from Linda: - Well. Where is the latest news? It’s been days since you last entry. Fred got a new car and the new Pope is a former Hitler youth. Does it get more exciting than that?

Pope Landuberalis: - The Vatican has annexed the Trevi Fountain and will celebrate with a comedy event promoted as Billy Crystal Night.

Fred's New Car:- ... has a blackberry with blue teeth.

4/15/05
Bob's Birthday (5.9 years old) - Phun Clubers met to celebrate. The thoughtful gifts, food and desserts and time together reminds Bob how fortunatate he is to have such friends.	Mr. Cocker says, Thanks to all!.
4/11/05
Oy yoy yoy yoy: - A pic taken on New Year's Eve 12-31-89 depicts a meeting of the Phun Club's Formative Council. Of note is the observation that age is a high price to pay for maturity. Unfortunately, we were robbed.
4/10/05
Birthday Party cleanup concept: - A nearly unanimous vote by Phun Club members have brought Bob to the edge of desperation. Not only will he be turning 59 next week,	his dear friends want him to clean off the dining room table. While he sits in the corner and sucks his thumb, Bob wonders what next will be demanded of him.
4/08/05
Phun Club's phirst Phassover: - The 'Eight Questions' asked during our initial celebration were: - Why don't blind people sky dive? It scares the dog. - Where are crazy forest people? On psycho paths. - What do eskimos get from sitting on ice? Polaroids	- What is a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick - What twitches at the ocean's bottom? Nervous wrecks. - How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it. - Where is the legless cat? Right where you left it. - How do Harleys and Hoovers differ? Dirt bag location.
4/05/05
Oh, the Humanity: - Sadness swept sodden seats as Illinois fans witnessed the degradation of their team de jurè. The fans' electrifying excitement at the thought of raising their index fingers in	proclamation of their superiority over others who live the same commonly meaningless and mundane life, turned to 'Oh well' when the game ended..
4/04/05
Ohio boy roots for Illinois: - Cleveland Fred has proclaimed his fealty to a team evidently based in Illinois. Even as the Sanguine 64 battled to join the ranks of the Thrilling 32, Fred dreamt of cheering a team in the	Sagacious 16. Now that Illinois has leapt from the Elite 8 and the Final 4 into the Trivial 2, Americans across the US will watch men in sweaty rubber shoes run and jump on a wood floor while vendors holler 'Beer Here".
4/03/05
Future News: - Pope John Paul's death left the church with the task of finding a popular successor to John Paul. That's why we now have Pope Georgen Ringo, who beat Cardinal Winsheil Scweegie to become the Holy See.	Recent decorations: - The Driller sisters arrived at Bob's palatial palace last night, with their moving staff, to decorate his obstacle course home. We all expect Bob to continue their work and wish Lesterson a happy 1-week B-Day.
4/02/05
Ken finishes heraldry research: - Ken reports that Bob's father's brother's daughter's husband's sister's husband's father's father is the brother of Ken's mother's father. Bob remarked, "That must mean that Jill's husband's	mother's mother-in-law's father's grandfather's son's wife's brother's wife's grandmother's daughter's husband's brother's daughter is Fluffy Hacker". Bob then moved to Arkansas, lost more teeth and learned to play the banjo.
4/01/05
FLASH! : - This is the first entry for junior news man, K Crane. "I've got the system down and now I'm ready to roll. " he said.	Warrenville: - A party took place tonight in the home of editor and chief Mr. Bobmash. Attending the festivities were F&L and K&D. Food was brought in from the north shore. Great deep dish pizza and salad.
3/30/05
Report from New York: - While strolling NY's streets, Jonathan & Pam saw Howard Stern. When Howard saw them, he tried to act like it was no big deal and didn't even ask for their autographs.	Wednesday's a gas: - Our Frugal Traveler reporter, Debbie says she fills up on Wednesdays cuz its '5¢ off day' at her local gas station. The Phun Club fights higher gas prices; one gallon at a time.
3/28/05
The Easter Score Card:- Kenny: 0 Pope: 1 In a related story, Terry Shiavo is on a hunger strike to	protest the removal of her feeding tube. (Sorry, that was a bad joke.)
3/27/05
The Linda Log:- Good job on your latest entry. It was light hearted and clever. Keep up the good work. It was a very enjoyable Holiday evening and we look forward to more to come. Perhaps for Passover we can make a frosted motzah ball, dye gefilte fish, and play a rousing	game of Hide-the-Afficoman! Linda's Addendum / News Flash: - The computer doesn’t recognize the spelling of either of the two “Jewish” words herein and does not offer alternative guesses!
3/26/05
Easter celebration at Temple Beth Crane: - The festivities included cake, 'short division' and egg coloring. Bob's egg art was fried by Linda's eggstacy who also beat Fred as he scrambled to compete. The yoke was on Kenny due to a prolapse issue. Debbie's egg rolled in somewhere in the middle. After the gala, Phun Clubbers	dined out and gave the hook to a Shecky Green wannabe. Debbie takes the cake:- At evening's end, though the odds were in Bob's favor, Debbie took the cake, sans shower cap.

3/25/05
Disappointed: - Linda is disappointed that Bob did not publish yesterday's very important news item in a timely fashion. Linda said, "If this continues I will take my business elsewhere".	Those who wish to know the news item may contact Linda directly. Furthermore, she stated, "Thank you, and good-bye".
3/22/05
By Decree: - (from F&L) "The Rosenbergs have returned from AZ. The Phun will now resume."
3/17/05
Ahhhh... Do you feel better now?: - Nurse Debbie reports that one of our new members, Lisa, has taken ill with the flu. We all wish her a swift recovery and hope the coincidental onset of her illness had nothing to do with her joining the Phun Club. Auto repair Rosetta stone deciphered: - The phrase; Mercedes CL 500, means 'Open Your Wallet'.	After a woman backed up into his car, and 'bumped it' Ken noticed his paint had been slightly chipped and his headlight was out of line. Otherwise, no damage was evident. He took it in for repair. When picking it up from the shop Ken was presented with a repair bill of $2,400. As Ken exclaimed amazement at the cost, the billing clerk said, "Well, it is a Mercedes".
3/15/05
Warmer weather = less water retention: - While F&L lounge in AZ, Chicago weather melted our snow. We also can now use our plentiful supply of Lasix as a diuretic.	Bob gets a haircut: - He lost weight too; about 1.5 ounces of hair. Bob gave the barber a $2.75 tip, rather than $3.00 cuz he voted for Bush.
3/12/05
F&L Gone to AZ: - They're there. We're here. Tsk tsk.	L&H overjoyed: - We have their effusive response.
3/11/05
The caper has been solved: - It was decided that the police broke in to get some free Driller Sister design tips . The Phun Club + 2: - Though Harold and Lisa have yet to submit their 25.5 word essay, we 'forced' their activation and hope to get their essay before Bush's impeachment. Rum Punch: - Debbie served her 'now famous' rum punch to chartered PC members in celebration of our new members.	Eyes, noses and the fall of Nazi Germany: - After the libations, the PC dined at (you guessed it) The Pine Yard where Bob had leechy nuts: a white fleshy fruit that simultaniously resembled eyballs without pupils and nostrils (due to the discolored area where the pit was extracted - and it didn't taste like chicken). We then saw the 'The Downfall'; the historical frolic and omage to the period when Nazis committed suicide and killed each other. Too bad 'Triumph of the Will' didn't have those scenes.
3/08/05
Professor Plum in the Kitchen with a Kinish: - There was an 'incident' at the home of K&D. Dirty shoe prints,	forced entry and a strange police report are the clues we have presently. Bulumbo is on the case. More to follow.
3/07/05
Lisa, removed from wannabe roster: - She has accepted enrollment in the book of Phun Club. When he heard the news, Bob screamed "On to the initiation ceremony." He then mumbled, "Do we have one?" Now, it's handsome Harold's turn: - Phun Club	membership is being extented to Harold Lauber. We trust he too, will accept. A new member is 'activated' upon receipt of his/her essay titled, 'My Life's Goal is be a Phun Club Member' and a digital head-shot photo.
3/05/05
Ken's Debless weekend: - With Debby in Naples, Kenny reports an onset of 'Bean in a Box' syndrome, so popular with Bob for the past few years. Experts say an ACLU membership will cure the dreaded BIAB syndrome. F&L plan escape: - Next weekend; gone - 7 days in AZ	Hottie after Bobby: - Bob fought off a waitress while dining with Phun Club members last night. This Sandra Bullock look-alike pawed poor Bob and refused him more bread until he told her he's saving himself for marriage and frowns upon 'quickies'. The Martians in Bob's washing machine lauded Bob for his steadfast position.
3/03/05
Lisa granted impunity: - The lovely little lithesome lass, Lisa Lauber is being sent an out-of-state, provisional, watch-list, pro hac vice membership in the Phun Club. Her membership is conditional upon global warming, higher gas prices, Halliburton's rape of the US Treasury, an AWOL inarticulate president that refuses to let Americans pay reasonable prices (available in any other country) for US made drugs, and a Congress that gives tax breaks to corporate contributors while it bans stem cell research. Welcome Lisa, to the phriendly Phun Club. We hope you accept soon. Your invitation is here .	Hurumph: - This just in from Linda concerning yesterday's news: "The word is there not their. See to it that you check before you print." This reporter's response : Sorry, but you took my spot at the Lab School. Oh, and your punctuation should have had a comma before the word 'not'. (nah ni nah ni naah nah) Lab School... Ha!!! Maybe I just let you win that Scrabble game. The importance of being burnished: - This item is here to make today's news page layout a bit more symetrical.
3/03/05
Morning Tea with the Drillers: - Debbie and Linda are invited for tea at Angie D's this morning. Mr. Coffee and Mr. Tea will of course be their as well. Mr. Clean will arrive later. Mr. Shuganor will report further developments as warranted. Further Development: - The tea was nice and the Drillers	report that Angie's baby is a cutie. Two Hours in the Philipines: - Bob says he's no MacAuthur but he's sure to return; with more questions for his ISP. Yesterday, during two calls to customer service, he was on hold or climbing a dangerous phone tree somewhere in the Philipines, for an hour and 30 minutes.
3/02/05
News that did not happen: - It could have been different. We would have been puzzled, but it didn't happen. The Drillers' kids won't be asked, "Why is your mom in jail?" And they won't have to answer, "Well, the police said it was cuz she broke into a Highland Park home." But still, the kids would know the real truth; that 'mom' was in the slammer for breaking into a Highland Park home ... in a nice way.	Field's=Toast: - Linda won't shop at Marshall Field's, no matter what they call themselves. Hey Marshall, thanks for saving the city. B Bye ! K&D back from offshore tanning salon: - Yeah, they could have gone to the mall, but NOOO. Well, they look great anyway. The latest Phun Club meeting (last night) was at the sad occassion of Ron's father's shiva.

2/20/05

The future isn't what it used to be: - Yesterday was the first day in recorded history that Bob did not get one single phone call - not one - zip - zero - void; from anyone. He stayed home eating worms, paste and boggers while his emotional response ran the gamut from A to B.

F&L's musical afternoon: - Sibelius and sum uder gyz will be heard by the Highland Park Rangers today. Then, off they go for dinner with the JP wannabees

Alert: - We have learned that K&D are in communicado (wherever that is).

2/17/05

Escaped again: - Two Phun Club members have again run off to enjoy an unwinter. Our K&D unit is on Anguila, a Carrabean Island, enjoying the political climate .

Survey results: - Phun Clubers with two male offspring are being surveyed. The question; 'What is it like to be an

empty nester?' The sample universe responses are:
Ken & Fred - it's different than having kids at home but not the same as it was before they were born.
Linda - loves it when they're not home & when they are.
Debbie - (presently on a non-tsunami ocean viewing study) So far, the survey has a a 3^₀ margin of error.

2/11/05

Phun Club to be tested for mentalnessity: - The Rand Corporation has divised a test to determine the number of times Phun Club members have used aluminum cookware.

The test can be taken by clicking here. Fred will not be allowed to average his score with Linda's. Scores will be posted on the questionaire page.

2/10/05

Phun Club foto phun: - A photo contest will soon be announced. The idea is that each Africa voyager who took pictures there can enter their best foto in each of a dozen

or so catagories. Anyone can vote for any foto, except those they took themselves. So get ready and wait for Fred's email explaining the details and the rules.

2/7/05

New News acclaimed: - "The tone of the most recent Phun Club News article has much improved" said Linda, during an exclusive interview.

2/05/05

Shattered Scrabble Record: - The night began benignly with Fred & Debbie working on their bridge skills while Ken, Linda & Bob discussed some issues.
The Phun Club went out for a tasty dinner and upon their return Ken showed a DVD he made of a video of Bob's father, taken about a year ago

(thanks Ken).
Then K&D, Linda and Bob decided to play Scrabble. Everything was fine until Linda laid down "JIGGLERS". She scored over 100 points on that one lousy word and won the game. (Actually, she would have won without that coup).

2/03/05

Bob brutaly berated (in a good way) for messing up stories and not getting Debbie a birthday present: - Bob was critisized today for repeatedly screwing up stories in the Phun Club News. Bob promised to refrain from his smartypants journalistic atitude.

Driller Sisters go shopping: - The Driller Sisters went to Itasca today and bought a lovely cup and saucer. On the way, they needed help with directions, so they called Bob (the former smartypants reporter) who went on MapQuest to help them. Thankfully, they got to their destination safely.

1/30/05

A weekend of F ine ART: - Phun Clubers finished a month of inter-continental/hemispheric travel with a F ine ART marathon at Chicago theaters. Saturday, the former expats saw a one-man show at the Goodman.
On Sunday, Bob with side-kick / legal advisor Anndra, joined in a F ine ART at Million Dollar Baby and Hotel

Rhuanda. Bob and Anndra bailed after Hotel Rhuanda - a story detailing the difficulties inherent in a hotel-motel management career.
Sensing their need for more, the former expats continued F ine ARTing at the Merchant of Venice.
It's great to enjoy a F ine ART marathon with friends.

1/22/05

Ken's Birthday Party: - Continuing to insist he is 42, we celebrated Ken's birthday at Hugo's and then on to Ben & Jill's. Jill made a major chocolate cake with 342 candles

that we ate while watching Phun Club travelog videos. In attendance were Ken - Deb - Ben - Jill - Fred - Linda - Paul - Terry - Aaron - Bob. A fine time was had by all.

1/21/05

Oy, did it snow: - The former ExPats were greeted by a big reminder of Chicago's winter on the 1st post Africa screw-off night. F&L hosted a photo viewing that

became a game of Name-That-Animal. (The lion won, followed closely by the garaffe). Debbie properly summed up the event by intoning, "Oh yeah, another leopard".

1/17/05

Their Baaack: - After a grueling flight of over three hours and one connection, the ExPats have ceased to exist. They are now just regular old Phun Clubbers, safely home and preparing for new, less exciting trips down the Kennedy.
Fred welcomed the change, saying the Zambezi was far too dangerous as it lacked traffic lights.

As they landed in Chicago, loin cloths were quickly shed for more appropriate winter garb.

Phun Club reporter offers on-line class: - Bob will be teaching interested parties how to upload stories to the website. All readers are encouraged to participate.

1/16/05

Capetown, South Africa: - A mob of fans, well-wishers and creditors gathered to see the ExPats leave for home as word of their 'flight' leaked to the press. When asked for comment, Debby said "Ken, are you sure you packed everything? You didn't forget, you know, that thing we bought. Did you?"

Chicago: - Phun Club wanabe's are rehearsing the ceremony celebrating the ExPats' return. One such rehearsal is depicted in this undated photo (left).
Represented by U.S. Customs Officials; the bottled water industry and Americans of every sexual perssuasion, we anxiously await the return of our heroes.

1/14/05

Pic-Post Center: - The Phun Club ExPats have been in Capetown for 2 days. Today, they sent us a pic (with some evident difficulty).
To say it's a beautiful scene doesn't do justice to its composition, its artistry, its mastery of light ... what is it!?

Just In: - A pic of Bob fish stick

came in showing Bob's nose and its man servant, Burley, hauling a somewhat dead and boney fish on a stick (also known as a fishstick) back to camp for the feast of Saint MyronCohen on NewYears day.

1/12/05

Africenville: - No news yesterday, but today I got a call in Warrenville from the Indian Ocean shores of S. Africa. Click here for the story in the blog.

1/10/05

Michael returns to the New World: - We've heard that Michael is back in the states, at work helping the folks at Phillip Morris (suddenly known as Altria - "A name taken to better clarify its identity as the owner of both food and

tobacco companies").
Ah huh. I get it. It's a joke! Right? Funny guys.
Bob hopes Michael will call 630-393-2370 with an Africa update. Or, call 800-CUT-JUNK.

1/09/05

South Africa; for Hardy Party Smarties: - Evolution has brought our Phun Club Expats from the paleolithic wilds of the bush to the partyolithic wilds of Johannesburg.
The wedding feasts (and pre-feasts) have begun. More about it on the blog by clicking here.

Mrs. Susan Nami of Berwyn files suit: - 'Clarence, Thomas & Pubicoke', attorneys for Sue Nami, filed suit

against all news media outlets that reported she killed 150,000 people around the Indian Ocean.
At a press briefing, President Bush denied that his grandmother (who he refers to as 'Nami') was involved. He added, "America will tack down and publish the percolator of this ballberic and abdominable crime". Screaming "Fiefdom is on the march for Jezzusss" Bush then ordered the US Armed Forces to invade Xanadu.

1/08/05

Bob & Lana Dine:- Bob managed to shake the paparazzi to have a quite 7:15 PM dinner of salad and Coke at Chili's, a chic eatery near Chicago's Gold Coast, in Naperville.
Lana wore her signature Targe' flannel scarf draped provocatively (and tightly) around her neck. Bob arrived in

a top by Ipana, complete with stylish toothpaste drool that teasingly traced its way into a left breast pocket.
Fans watched with excitement as the pair looked longingly into each other's plates and Lana coyly grepst from smoke at the bar. It was a moment they had sought since arranging the sware' at 7 PM.

1/07/05

Mission Control: - While some Phun Club members have been lollygaging around, looking at animals, Mission Control spotted the best card trick ever. Our loyal readers can see it by ... [Forget it. The link failed in March]

Statement of Lion: - "Hey buddy, hold the lettuce on that personburger."
Joint Phun Club member Stmnt: -
"OH SHIT. GET IN THE JEEP!!!"

1/06/05

Theft at Kapama: - ( As reported by Fox News ) - The Phun Club became a crime statistic when it's bread was

stolen. Read all about this horrific injustice instigated by an African native, on the blog. Click here.

1/05/05

Lost email was not lost: - Mission Control got it.
Weather: - Chicago; cold, snowy & scattered shootings. Soweto; hot & sunny with dung rolling in the morning.

Phun Club on safari: - Click here to read about this day's adventure on the blog.

1/04/05

Greetings from South Africa: - Its Monday morning here and were off on our first adventure. The flight was surprisingly easy. Hey - it was only 15 hours.

Flash: - the toilet flusing esperiment findings are in -- the water goes down the drain counter clockwise just like home - they lied to us in science class.

First impressions: - we are in north suburbs of

Johannesburg - a big city. It reminds us of Clayton MO with lots of shops and malls.
We are all excited about heading out today and seeing the sights. Its SUMMER here - about 80 degrees or so and sunny.
Well thats all for now - this internet cafe is close to our hotel so more in the future .
Everyone says HI --- Fred

1/03/05

tap tap tap: - ... I'm waaaaiting ... (Our field correspondents must think they're on vacation or something. )

1/02/05

Bob arrives in Rosemont: - ... for a wedding

Expatriates arrive in Africa: - ... for a wedding

1/01/05

Bob returns to Chicago: - We decided to stop for dinner at Phil Schmidt's. After many wrong turns (about 45 minutes worth) we found it... closed for the day. Did I mention it was raining?

Expatriates flee Chicago: - Though the flight left early, our adventurers boarded and promptly fell asleep.

12/31/04
New Year's Eve Special

Dateline Michigan: - Bob's group walked the frozen beach looking for 'pretty' rocks on this sunny day. We then shopped at the the many nearby 'frufru' joints where the long sought Bluebihree wine was discovered and purchased.
During the evening's libation, we visited the adjacent cemetery and viewed stars in the clear night sky. Upon

returning, Bob elected to (accidentally) slam his forehead into the corner of an oak chair. The cold compress prevented a third eye from appearing.

Dateline F & L's: - Linda made brownies and real food for dinner. As this reporter was not at the scene, little else is known, except that the evening was enjoyed by all.

12/30/04

Bob goes to Michigan: - Accompanied by Gail, cousin Barbara and Burley, we drove to Gail's 'extra' house near Saugatuck and settled in.

Phun Club Expatriates pack up: - In a frenzied orgy of luggage and last minute details, four Phun Club members prepare for their journey to unknown lands.

12/29/04

Changes to the site: - I changed some stuff on the site to better generalize it. Since it's not a commercial site, we don't want

non-phun pholks trying to join the Phun Club - as exclusive as it is. Also, there's an article linked here about auto safety you should read.

12/28/04

Subject: News from Linda: - The Phun Club News seems to ring with a more” honest voice” after eliminating most of Bob’s rewriting of contributions. Keep up the good work Bob. Speaking of eliminating, it seems we have a return of the street-vs-sewer problem. (Fittingly, this

happened on a stinky day). I await the expertise of Pylapoop Plumbing this morning.

The latest poop: - We very unhappily report that we have more sewer-tsouris. Stay tuned for the dirty details.

12/27/04

Sue & Billum law firm: - We received the following letter from Debbie, via her lawyers:

Now look, my novel is a parody of Isek Dennison's book "Out of Africa." And the first line of her book which is "I had a farm in Africa." The name of my novel is "Out of Cash. I took my children to Africa." Get it! So leave it. I'll be sending you the outline from Africa. If you don't get this right I'll sue for misrepresentation. Debbie

In response, The Phun Club News rejects the fallacious

accusation that it misstated the title or theme of Debbie's newest book. (Please do not read yesterday's article on the subject.)
Furthermore, we assert that she uses an advanced computersystem that is writing the book for her - without her intervention. Complagerizm is at hand!
The Writer's Guild will look into these matters - cuz we're gonna tell 'em - and report back to the Nobel Literature Committee before it votes.

12/25-26/04

Metro North & a bit West: - Debbie changed the working title of her novel to 'Out of Riverview' or 'A Woman's Heroic Voyage, with her Husband, two Kids, Daughter-in-Law and a Bunch of Friends and their kids'.

Debbie's literary agent, Joe Materatz, told her he expects Random House and Harper Collins to reach a historic agreement to publish the novel jointly... speaking of which, Joe just got out of the joint after serving 3 years for fraud.

12/24/04

Metro West: - PC News issued a statement concerning a news article by reporter, Jason Blair. His feature article, published in PC News, about a little man trapped in a radio who incessantly talked about valuable offers, was found to be inaccurate.
The PC Times apologizes for this lack of editorial oversight and the somewhat late report of Lindbergh's solo flight to Paris.

Elsewhere on the internet: - We received a letter that Ken had sent in error to President Bush.

It reads as follows:

Dear Mr. President, It is with great honor and pride that I accept my membership in the Phun Club. I hope any plans I make for phucking [French idiom: - to work] around for phun [an archaic Irish term: - to kill Santa] will be considered by the club. Sincerely, Ken

Since President Bush has applied for, but not received Phun Club membership, Dubya forwarded Ken's letter with a note begging for admission and praising PC News staff for the Lindbergh scoop.

12/22-23/04

Metro area: Extra - Nothing happened ... anywhere.

12/21/04

Metro Far West: - Round tires roll. Flat tires result it change. It seems the cold snap aggravated a problem with Bob's corroded 'bead' on

his right front tire. The guy who came to change the flat charged $45. Bob's new career is in tire slashing and repair.

12/20/04

Chicago: - A major contingency of the Phun Club is about to flea the country.
As reported by the Phun Club rubber band shooter, Linda looks forward being as far away from Bob, and his crazy political ideas, as possible. She hopes he will recover his senses in her absence. She then said, "The end".
Political guru Bob, forgave Linda and reported her

subversive attitude to future Chief Justice Clarence Thomas, who mused about 'quaint' Geneva Conventions.
Asked for comment, President Bush said "Fiefdom is on the march", as he ate a gincicle, shaped like a pretzel.

Metro North: - The largest suitcase in the world is now on exhibit near the Ladderless Barn.

5/05/55

Chicago: - After excluding all known life forms, except for themselves, from the PhunClub membership, Bob and Ken (pictured above) consider the club's expansion potential.

They decide to recruit a member with the qualities of a Sephardic philosopher.