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Date From Comment

10-28-5

Bob

From the White House News Service:- Archeologists found the Ark of the Covenant. The US Astrophysics Foundation puts the chance of Mars falling to earth within the next 2 years at under 85%. Abraham Lincoln was cloned by doctors at Oral Roberts Univ.

Homeland Security chief Ron "Heck-of-a-Job" Brownie warns Americans to immediately buy duct tape and plastic sheeting. Osama bin Laden was captured today at a Beruit strip club. The Sox really did win. And... oh yeah, and some guy was indicted.

10-19-5

Anon

Dear Robert -
Please refrain from mounting political comments on the phunclub news site. They belong on the Blog! (That includes links, too). Next time you do this you will have to write a 1000 word essay on "How I Spent My Summer Vacation".
- Sincerely, A Charter Member of the Phunclub.

Bob

Dear CMotP,
I think it's more news related than political. Do I have to expunge? And if so, where do I dispose of the punge. If you want me to redact, I'll need some red paint and a stage. - Sincerely, A Not-Stupid Charter Phunclub Member.

CMotP

I think you should keep news off of there unless it is personal. People will check the Blog if they want to. You are stupid and that's all I will say about that - One of the smart Phunclub members, Guess who

Bob

Oh Yeah? We'll, you're the Mayor of Stupidland!
I willl never allow my Peepotty Award winning stuff to be censored. NEVER!!! Why do you hate America?

Censored 10-18-05 Report:
News Market:- A website enables PhunClub members to bet on the news. It seems reasonable that those in the know, concerning specific news items, would be driving the market. So, put your tarrot cards away and take a look at the site. Dick Cheney's resignation is getting some play (today at 9), but Rove's indictment is running at 28. Unfortunately for Bob, there is no market in Bush leaving office... yet.

5-10-5

Deb

Get rid of the sewing machine. You don't need it. Or get rid of something bigger. You don't have room for any more junk. You are Junk King.

Bob	The thing is, I may need it in the future- as I have in the past.Your suggestion that I dump something bigger is well founded. Goodwill will get a load from me within 45 days or sooner.

5-07-5

Linda

Dear Bob- You should never self-vilify because that would be just STUPID! - A concerned friend

Bob	A modicum of self deprication is viewed, by those with insight, compassion and comity, as a charming ethos. Thus, your SUPERSTUPIDOSITY is stupid; stupid. Why do you hate freedom?

4-24-5 Fred “I suspect the Phunclub is neither fun nor a club…”
Eliot Spitzer, New York State Attorney General.
On comments made to the New York Times Sunday Magazine that he may open a criminal investigation of Phunclub.net accounting practices. His comments were prompted by evidence provided by disillusioned former members of the phunclub.net Junior League who want to get back at their parents.

3-12-5

Bob

Alright Lisa & Harold, you're in - like it or not.

The announcement is in the News http://phunclub.net/news.html
And the following pages have been updated: http://phunclub.net/thanks.htm http://phunclub.net/index.html

Lisa	Harold and I are thrilled to to be in the Phun Club. Great pictures!! We took a couple of hours to look at the pics from South Africa--oh Harold is still looking at them! Do we have any jobs in this club??

Bob	Things you guys can do: send in your 25.5 word essay... or send us pics of Harold doing the Antler Dance... or send us occassional news... or help with the site: you'll need ftp & web publishing programs... or vote Democratic and put up a yard sign.

3-07-5 Bob To Harold,

Upon the recommendation of Harkin Oil's CEO, Dubya M.D., the Phun Club hereby extends an invitation of membership in its august (or June) organization to Harold. We trust you will accept.

More information concerning the Phun Club is at http://www.phunclub.net

If you elect to join, you can activate your membership by emailing us a 25.5 word essay titled,
'My Life's Goal is to be a Phun Club Member' and a digital head-shot photo. Your credit card number, expiration date and its current available credit limit would also be appreciated, but not required.

Congratulations, and remember our motto. "We absolutely refuse to be assertive!"

Bobby 'I pierced my tongue for JezzzussS' Shamlub (spelled backwards is ... you get it. I dont want someone googling my last name and finding this site as a result.)

3-04-5 Bob TO LISA,

I AM MR. ROBERT EBOLA, SENIOR ASSISTANT LEADER OF THE REVOLUTIONARY PHUN CLUB PHRONT AND CONTROLLER OF MUCH REVENUES IN NIGERIA SEEKING TO TRANSFER SUCH MONEY OPHSHORE TO SHARE WITH A PHINE AND TRUSTED PERSON. SO GIVE ME YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER. . . . OR

I PRESENT TO YOU AN URGENT AND CONPHIDENTIAL REQUEST AND WISH YOU GOOD LIPHE AND PHOOD AS MY MUTUAL PHRIENDS KNOW YOU TO BE MUCH TRUSTED AND HONEST.

PHOR ALL MEMBERS OF ESTEEMED PHUN CLUB I REQUEST YOUR JOINING IN THE CLUB. IN THIS CLUB WILL BE DISTINGUISHED COLLEAGUES OF HIGHEST TRUST (BUT FOR ONE).

TO ACCEPT THIS OPHER YOU ARE PLEASE TO SEND YOUR APPROVAL BY QUICK EMAIL TO BE HELD IN HIGHEST TRUST AND SECURITY AND CONFIDENTIALITY BETWEEN ONLY WE TWO. YOUR RESPONSE WILL BE ALSO PUT IN THE ESTEEMED PHUN CLUB NEWS SO TO GREATERPHY THE SECRECY OF OUR DEALING.

ANNOUNCEMENT OF YOUR JOINING IS RIGHT NOW IN THE PHUN CLUB NEWS AT: http://phunclub.net/news.html

WE ALL HOPE TO SEE AND EAT CRICKETS SOON TOGETHER.

CONGRATULATION.

1-18-5 Linda Hi Bob,

We’re home tired and happy. What a fabulous trip. Can’t wait to show you the pictures. Were we really there? Going back to sleep. I am fermished.

Love, Linda

1-14-5 Bob Ya gotta see the incredible picture we got from South Africa. See this day's news .

1-12-5

Bob

Guess who got a call from the Phun Club ExPats...
Yep - ME - That's Bob. B. O. B. - me. Ha ! So there.

Too bad they could only chat for 90 seconds cuz the phone card was a cheapy.
Just kidding. But the did call this AM at about 6. Way cool.

Here's the scoops:

Linda got out of jail. She says she didn't know she was drunk, driving back from the wedding when she ran over the elephant. But when she told the cops she didn't see it, they got suspicious.
Ken was elected mayor of Sowato. I don't know why or how. He wouldn't elaborate, but did say he refused to snort the white powder stuff. I guess mayors of such cities are supposed to do that.
Debby was asked by the natives to cook something in a big black pot sitting on top of a fire in the jungle. She didn't know what it was, but said some missionary clothes were laying nearby.
Fred is now teaching at a black yeshiva. He says he'll stay in Africa till he converts 40% of the native population. The hat's a bit big, but the beard is coming in fine. Good luck Fred.

All right. I'm lying. But they did really call. Everyone's safe and having a ball. Pam is flipping back and forth from 'South Africanees' to mid-west English a lot. She'll likely need a shot or counseling or something when she get's back. Remember that scene in Chinatown? "I'm her mother. I'm her sister. I'm her mother". OK, it's not that bad.

They'll try to send some pics (again) in the near future.

1-11-5 All PCXP Dear Bob

Here we are at Plettenburg bay. Sitting looking out over the Indian Ocean. Tried to send you some photos a little earlier form an internet Cafe, but the size of the pictures were too big and took too long so they never got sent.

The Donenberg home is nicer than it looks from the picture we saw on the internet. Every little detail has been looked after by the Donenbergs. Thing could not be greater.

The wedding a absoutely beautiful and a real blast. The South Africans really know how to party. We left the party at about 1 AM and things were stillgoing very strong. When I talked to Hadely the next day he said the party was still going on at 3 AM. There were more roses decorating the wedding than I have ever seen, absolutely great.

Flew out of Joburg and landed st George and then drove about an hour long the shore of the Indian Ocean to Plettenberg Bay, tne site of the Donenberg summer home. Spent the firist day sitting out on the patio over looking the Ocean and then took a long walk along the shore (don't think we will ever come back). The kids did some swimming while the adults "chilled".

Today was more of the same and now we are getting ready to go to dinner at a beach front resturant.

Leaaving for Capetown tomorrow for more phun in the sun. If we can find an internet cafe with a bit more sophisticated computer will try to send som pctures again

See you soon.

Sincerely,
Phun Club form Africa

1-10-5 Bob Pics Please! Are Phun Club Expats busy lounging by the sea? (More Chicago snow due tonight)

1-9-5 Bob HEY - How about sending some pics; ehh?

1-9-5

Ben, Ken &
Fred

Dear Phun Club Leader:

We are writing from my daughter-in-law's account because we could not get on Fred's.
Hows it!!!
Things are just great here. Left Kapama yesterday and arrived back in Joburg last evening just in time for the pre-wedding dinner party. It was great. South Africans all over the place, some young and very pretty, some our age and some old and very interesting.

Bob	It's too bad the South Africans of our age are portrayed as non-discript. Thus, I'll assume that South Africans (like North Americans) of our age, are both pretty and very interesting.

There were people from America, Australia, Belgium Congo (holocaust survivers), Monaco, Ireland, Mars (just wanted to see if you were paying attention.) A wonderful party.

Bob	I'll check my washing machine to see if the Martians left a note.

Getting ready for the big event tonight and then off to Plett tomorrow. Unfortunately, Michael leaves for DC tomorrow. (Too bad for him)
Heard that there was a lot of snow in Chicago (Too bad for you)
We all say HI and we'll see you soon.

1-6-5

Ken &
Fred

Hello from darkest Africa,
Your intrepid phun club reporters have been on safari now for 2 full days and have reached their goal of seeing the BIG FIVE very close up and personal (lion, elephant, buffalo, leopard and rhino) so named because they were considered the most difficult to hunt on foot. As of yesterday afternoon we had seen three of the five, but had not seen the buffalo or leopard.
The search parties separated into two groups (men and woman). We (the men)

Bob	Dear Ken & Fred, Thanks for the clarification. But I guessed you were in the 'Men' group.

left with Branson for the Buffalo Camp, in the trees several miles away. We left the woman in the care of our two guides, Andres, a young AfriKaans (probably Neo-Nazi) and Kim a Black tribesman who is an expert Lleopard hunter (apparently has been interviewed on the Animal Planet - got to make a new years resolution to watch more of that cable channel). Anyway we heard by radio that the girls managed to see Buffalo last night - we saw only hippo and some young lion cubs (about 2 or 3 feet away).
This morning we left Buffaol CAmp and ran into a HERD of 150 buffalo, about 45 minutes later we found 2 female lions and their 7 cubs stalking an elephant - we were in the midst of it all like 2 feet to 5 feet. The girls showed up to see this sighting in their land rover with Kim and they were signalling to us that they had seen Leopard and letting us know that they had seen all big 5.
We headed over to the sare and managed to see the Leopard slithering in the grass and then hopping onto a log and back into the grass. That made 4 of the Big 5 in just a few hours. Even the rangers were excited.

Bob	Hey, What about the danger of you 'Ramars and Ramettes of the Jungle' becoming a light snack. These things are meat eaters, right? (Well, except for the Dung Beatle.)

The trip is going unbelievably great - beyond our expectations.

Bob	Obscure note: We are in Africa too, to beat the bushes (Note clever Hutu-Tutsi reference.)

Hope you all are doing well with the snow. We can't believe we've been gone only 6 days. We've seen so much it seems like so much longer.
Wedding in Jo-burg this weekend and then to the Indian Ocean for a couple of days.

P.S.: The baffalo were not the typical USA bison. These babies were big ugly and mean as hell. One of the really big ones approached the land rover and got within smelling and touching range. (Will need to change my pants now.)
Also saw a few other fab looking animals including several Zebra, Kudu Nylal, Wildabeast, Hippo, Black taliled fox, several Jackal, nummerous Impala, Dung bettle, scorpion, Baboons, several monkeys (one of which stole some bread from our table) .
Signing off from Kapama Reserve in South Africa.

1-5-5 Leslie
&Rick Sounds like you are having a fantastic time. We are so jealous. It is freezing here and no giraffes or lions. However, Rick makes plenty of his own dung! Let me know if you are getting any of my emails. Glad all is well. Continue to enjoy. Hi to all.
Love, Us

1-5-5 Ken & Fred To all Phun Clubese,

Yesterday was a great day. Our first trip into Soweto. We had a private tour bus with two wonderful guides who drove us and edcuated us to the history of Soweto. We first drove thru some of the more ritzy areas and then into The slums of Soweto, which in the last ten years, has made great progress. Most of the homes now have water and electrictiy.
From there we toured a museum now called Constituional Hill where the court of last resort takes place hearing issues about human rights. We also toured the jails where prisoners (mostly; political ones) were kept. Good God what a horror. Very insightfull and believe it or not very upslifting to see what has ocurred in this Country in the last years.
Today we flewout of Johannesburg to Hoedspruit and drove an hour into the veld (bush) into our camp (Kapama). On the way in we saw a group of giraffes about 25 feet away from us. Oh my god. After we got settled into this place we went out for our first drive. We happened upon a pride of lions; one male, 2 females and 7 cubs finishing off their afternoon snack of a warthog. We were within 10 feet of the animals and they paid us no mind.
We also saw a mother and father rhino and a baby and the baby was butting his horn with the mother.
We also saw trees full of vultures, herds of impalas, warthogs. One jeep (the Crane jeep) saw a dung beetle trying ot move a golf ball sized piece of dung across the road - nice find Aaron).
So on our first ride we saw 2 of the big 5. We are all very excited.
Oh and by the way it was about 90 degrees here today - we heard that 10 inches of snow is expected in chicago - Sorry!!
Redid the water experiment - Now we think that the water actually DOES go down clockwise.
Talk to you all soon.

1-4-5

Bob

Chicago's expecting about 8" of snow tonight & tomorrow. It would look very inviting if your driveways were unplowed while the snow sits there before it melts (who knows - a week?).
If you don't have anyone on contract, lemme know and I'll look for someone in your area/s to plow.

F&K

Thanks Bob that is so nice of you to offer to go and shovel our driveways. Please do the walks to the front doors too - there are liability issues if someone falls-

Bob	Cute! But I'm battling dengi & eboli hemoragic fever thinking of the fun you're having. Oops, a dead crow just fell on my lap.

1-4-5

Fred
&Ken

Hello from South Africa,
First of all Bob you didn't get yesterdays email it got sent back to me. Ask Leslie to send it to you ...

Bob	I called Leslie & Rick this AM and left a message with my email address.

Any way today was Africa HOT. We spent the day on a tour of the Constitution Plaza -site of the old prisons and now the place where the Supreme Court for Civil Rights sits. It was very interesting to see.

Bob	That's weird. Sorta like turning a mausoleum into a hospital ... but in a positive way.

From there we went on a tour of SOWETO - 3 million people living 10 miles outside Johannesburg - forced to move there because the city of Joburg needed to expand housing for the growing white population. HOLY SHIT!! Actually very inspirational as to what peole can do when they are given their freedom.
Last night we ate at an African Restaurant. It was great. My fellow reporter, Ken got his face painted in the tradional Zula war paint. From there we went and held up a 7-11.

Bob	I hope we have a pic of KuntaKen ta, or we can get the 7-11 video from the cops.

Tomorrow we leave Johannesburg on a flight about 300 miles north to the game reserves for Safari. Hopefully we'll be able to continue to file reports for the Phun Club news.
Hope all is well with you all.

1-1-5

Fred

STARDATE 01.01.2005.7:30 FRED’S LOG:

We have been ordered to leave for a system in the southern Universe unexplored by any of us except Lt. Pam O’Houra.
We will travel through deep space for 17 hours and reach this strange land and ecosystem. The laws of physics there are seemingly turned opposite of anything we have ever seen... For example, the daylight is exceedingly long and the nights quite short. It is reported that water flows down a drain in the opposite manner to what we are accustomed. New and strange animals with names like Kudu, Nyala, Eland, and Wilddebeest.
The crew besides myself is First Officer Linda, Sea Captain Debbie, Lt. Pam, Jill, Aaron and Michael. Serving as Bones are Ken, Ben, and Jonathan. Mission control is manned by Bob.
This is the crew of the Star Ship PhunClub whose 17 day mission is to go where no man (except Pam) has gone and explore new worlds.
We hope to be able to report to you periodically during our travels.